You Gotta Admire The Man

Snoop Dogg has always been hustling, from Hustler porn videos to kids' breakfast cereal. Respect!

Oh.

 

It's a HELMET STAND. I see now.

Some Air Travel Pillows Ranked In Ascending Order Of How Much They Make You Look Like An Asshole

The "Stack of Books"

How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: A low grade of 3. Looks comfy and natural, I guess.

Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: None

The "Sideways Headrest"

How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: A low 4. Seems to work, but kind of looks like you're listening to a car's rearview mirror.

Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: None, but sort of looks like a communicator.

The "Blue Strangler"

How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 5. Doesn't help if you look like Casey Anthony.

Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: Whatever this is.

The "Gray Strangler"

How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 5. Doesn't look stupid, but it doesn't look stylish either. Flight attendants would be ambivalent.

Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: The Phlox.

The "Blind Unibomber"

How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 6. You look like a sucker who just paid $50 for a basic headrest with a hood.

Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: The black metal Klingons from TNG

The "Collision Crash"

How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 6. It might work okay, but it looks like someone needs to call a paramedic.

Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: Dead Spock

The "Screaming Into An Elf's Tree"

How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 7. Those poor elves aren't going to make cookies any faster with you shouting at them like that.

Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: The Glove Plant from TOS

The "Teddy Bear Playing Guess Who"

How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 7.5. Looks complicated and torturous.

Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: None, but looks kinda like Geordi La Forge.

The "Elephant's Dong"

How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 8. Looks sort of comfy but at the price of looking stupid.

Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: None, but they look like those stupid seatbelts from the recent movies.

The "Shame Lap"

How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 8.1. Look at you, burying your face in that dumb thing. Sleep > shame, I guess.

Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: The flying pancakes from "Operation Annihilate!"

The "Suicide Sling"

How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 8.5. Those bratty kids in 17E are making fun of you as you sleep. And so are rows 16, 15, and 14.

Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: Mizarians

The "Hostage"

How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 8.5. You look like you've already let the terrorists win, you instant victim.

Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: Solanogen-Based Life Forms

The "Wearable Beehive"

How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 9.5. You do NOT look cool or comfortable. You look like Winnie the Pooh on a bender.

Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: Ferengi

The "Earthworm Jim"

How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 10. Those holes at the side are for your arms, I think. What it looks like is an oversized planarian worm is sitting in 13A.

Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: Tyvanna

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

When Cassidy imagined it in a dream, it seemed pretty awesome. Now on an album cover it all just looks like a dumb screensaver.

Every play the bass so loud in your Lamborghini that it vibrates but you don't? The pigeon is unimpressed.

In "Redemption of the Beast," DMX makes a departure from his usual fare to offer reflective ballads and whispered spoken word about the human condition, climate change, and women's reproductive rights.

Once they took the photo at Picture People, they ordered five wallet sized, five 8x10 and five 4x5 that they can tape up in their cars' windowshades.

Not sure if he was born with this name, but if not, why would he want to be named after the busybody who relentlessly pursued Bill Clinton's impeachment to no effect in the 90s? Odd.

"That does it. I'm giving Pam five more minutes to show up, and then I'm getting lunch by myself."

Please tell me this is an urban re-imagining of "Beauty and the Beast" with talking microphones, sleepy blunts and a rapping mouse.

Nothing is more terrifying than a JC Penney model who starts robbing banks with a tea cozy on her head.

Yawn. So you spent five hours on an Etch-A-Sketch. Big whoop.

If gigantic anti-aircraft bullets didn't kill you when shot, they still might injure you pretty badly falling on your head.

"Oh no, Trixie, somebodymisappropriatedmyimageandaddeddreadlocksandstupidtattoosonmyfaceOOOHHHHH!"

The ProofrEADJer: Goodbye May Edition

This next one took a minute to understand. "Tombstone Sipeet?" Judging from the "Spooky Lane" below it, I figured the one above it should read "Tombstone Street," but some Chinese worker read the letters wrong and hand-wrote "Sipeet" instead.

The ProofrEADJer, March Edition