An Incomplete List of Things Objectively Cuter Than Ariana Grande

In addition to ruling the pop charts for over a decade, Ariana Grande will have you believe she is the cutest thing EVAR. We respectfully disagree with Ms. Grande and instead offer these things that are easily cuter than her:

• Japanese mascots for tissue paper

• Single Chiclets

• Children wearing little cowboy duster coats

• Miniature corn impaled on regular-sized corn cob holders

• A catfish wearing a bonnet

• Travel sized nose hair trimmers

• The Funko Pop figure of Ariana Grande

More Things That Are Objectively Cuter Than Ariana Grande

Pop superstar Ariana Grande continues to project the image of being the cutest thing in the universe. With respect, we at EADJ have found a few more things that are proven to be cuter than her:

• panda paws

• baby doll cowboy boots

• plush starfish

• crocodiles wearing glasses

• fingernail-sized frogs (however poisonous)

• velour mittens

• the fact that Ziggy doesn't have a neck

• Dustin Hoffman giggling

• Ed Sheeran attempting to grow facial hair

• when kids sing along to "Smack My Bitch Up"

More Items That Are Objectively Cuter Than Ariana Grande

Editor's Note: Before we begin this semi-regular segment, it must be said that we have nothing against Ariana Grande. She's a talented star who obviously has a gigantic, loyal following, so we wish her nothing but the best. It's just that she is not maybe THAT cute.

Pop phenom Ariana Grande prides herself on her vocal range and catchy songs, but it also seems she seeks to claim the crown as the Cutest Thing Ever in the Universe. We must respectfully disagree. Here now are a few more things that are inarguably cuter than she:

• Tapdancing cartoon dandelions

•  Two kittens curled up in an oven mitt

• Dollhouse tire swings

• Dachsund testicles

• When Adam West's Batman tries to talk but he's out of breath

• When small dwarf hands make the "fucking" gesture 👉👌

• Mogwais

• That look on a teenager's face when you steal his wallet

• A burro wearing a monocle

• Ben Stiller sleeping

Another Incomplete List of Things That Are Objectively Cuter Than Ariana Grande

Previous Ariana Grande segments here.

You've probably noticed by now that Ariana Grande is cute. That's because everything Ariana Grande says, sings, does or bats her eyelashes at are to let you know that she is cute. But here we at EADJ would like to suggest that there a few things that are actually cuter than Ms. Grande.

• Ponies with ponytails

• Orphanage gas leaks

• The way old men stammer when outwitted

• Terrible balloon animals

• Jello shots that don't make it into your mouth

• Snails wearing bibs

• Yoda holding Baby Yoda

• Dynasty reruns on mute

Another List of Things That Are Cuter Than Ariana Grande

Pop phenom Ariana Grande isn't content with selling millions of records– she also doing everything in her considerable power to let you to know that she's the cutest thing since sliced baby bread. With all due respect, here is a list of things that happen to be objectively cuter than Ms. Grande:

• pizza cutters shaped like the Starship Enterprise

• Slow moving bears

• The word "curlicue"

• The way Nick Offerman giggles

• dwarf furniture

• glitter glue on a kitten's paws

• The paragraph symbol (aka pilcrow) : ¶

• Charlyne Yi

• The way dogs look like they're smiling when they pant

• Elementary school drinking fountains

• Steven Mnuchin's gorgeous actress wife (just kidding. She SUCKS)

• Custard

Another List of Shit That's Objectively Cuter Than Ariana Grande

Popstar Ariana Grande has built a career on batting her eyelashes and looking adorable. This blog can acknowledge her cuteness but would like to suggest a few things that happen to be way cuter than she. Here are some:

• Any Funko Pop figurine

• Kittens riding tiny tricycles

• Any infant with googly eyes on their forehead

• A slice of Pizza Hut Personal Pan Pizza on a girl's plastic teacup saucer.

• Rabbits yawning

• Your excuses for not working out

• Granny shots

• Cartoon hockey pucks with arms and legs

• When chimps make that heart thing with their hands

• A Terminator made from Duplo blocks 

• Chip from "Beauty & The Beast"

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Netflix This Month

Due to contract negotiations, the following movies and TV shows will be removed from Netflix this week:

• Guy Fieri Says Fuck It and Eats Healthy

• Startling Ferrets and Punching Old People

• CVS Pharmacy: After Dark

• Tony Robbins Presents Watch This And WIN You Big Winner!!!!!!!*    *Maybe

• Can't Hear A Goddamn Thing: The Fan Film Documentary

• Dick Pics from Famous Charleses

Due to periodic contract negotiations, the following movies and TV shows will be added to Netflix this week:

• The 1983 Invasion of Grenada: A Two Episode Documentary

• Fluffers: Behind The Scenes of Fabric Softener Manufacturing

• Booger Glue: How Mucilage Conquered An Industry and Captured The Imagination

• Let's Throw A Ham Through a Harp

Yet Another List of Things That Are Objectively Cuter Than Ariana Grande

Previous Ariana-related entries here.

Ariana Grande has meticulously crafted her public persona as an adorable, dimpled songstress. We do admit she is pretty cute in every photo she takes, but here we respectfully offer a list of things that are undeniably cuter than she:

• Upholstered dollhouse furniture

• Speed date jitters

• Flowers made from frosting on cakes

• Animal emojis

• Pompoms on socks

• Any drawing of the tooth fairy

• Chewbacca's son Lumpy

• Jingle bell bracelets

• Alligators with galoshes on their feet

• Cartoon raccoons

Another List of Things That Are Objectively Cuter Than Ariana Grande

Pop singer Ariana Grande's entire public identity is built on the idea that she's cute as a button, and perhaps the cutest thing ever. But we here at EADJ would like to respectively suggest a few other things that have been scientifically proven to be cuter than her. List, begin!:

• Baby Yoda from "The Mandalorian"

End of list.

Yet More Things That Are Cuter Than Ariana Grande

All previous entries here.

It isn't enough for ubiquitous popstar Ariana Grande to dominate the charts and radio playlists; she also would like the world to recognize her as the cutest thing EVAR. We at this humble blog respectfully disagree with Ms. Grande, offering the following list of things that are objectively cuter:

• Pony saddles

• Those little white shoes that the animated M&Ms wear.

• The way dogs wolf down cupcakes

• Origami Yoda

• That red cement ball in front of Target that kids love to climb on and that old people bump their hip against

• The German word for little bear: Bärchen

• The Mars Attacks! flying saucers

• Stuffing apples into your sleeves so it looks like you have biceps

• Squirtle

More Things That Are Objectively Cuter Than Ariana Grande

Ariana Grande is a worldwide, ubiquitous phenomenon, but she also likes to present herself as a bashful, wide-eyed bundle of dimples and adorability. With all due respect to the Grammy-winning pop singer, EADJ would like to suggest a few more things that are undeniably cuter than her:

• Dollhouse toilets

• Hedgehog paws

• Little boys named "Malcolm"

• When a dog wags its tail so much his whole ass moves

• Billie Eilish shrugging

• When a rookie cardiologist doesn't clear when someone with the paddles yells "Clear!"

• Taffeta

• When your dad borrows his wife's sweatpants and has "JUICY" on his butt

• Sally Field at any age

• Anthropomorphic bowling pins

• Anyone Western trying to pronounce "Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan"

• The Noid from the old Domino's Pizza commercials

Another List of Things That Are Cuter Than Ariana Grande

Previous Ariana Grande-related entries here.

Being talented and famous apparently isn't enough for Ariana Grande. She also fancies herself an irresistible, adorable summer sprite who sheds pixie dust while butterflies flutter out of her dimples. That's all well and good, but here now are more things that happen to be cuter than her:

• Golden retriever paws

• Japanese tissue packaging

• Teaspoons

• Bear cubs wearing shorts

• Brain from "Pinky and The Brain" when he smiles

• Any animated cactus

• A baby eating baby carrots and baby corn

• Tugboat bumpers

• A young Flavor Flav

• The way good parents wince when explicit lyrics play around their children

• Javier Bardem using a baby voice

• Those cute sayings on Taco Bell sauce packets

Another List of Things That Are Cuter Than Ariana Grande

This has been covered several times before on this blog, but it seems that Ariana Grande presents herself in videos and on stage as the cutest thing ever, to which we respectfully disagree. Here now are at least 11 things that are objectively cuter than Ms. Grande:

• Koalas wearing shorts

• a Thanos bobblehead

• the pilcrow, aka the paragraph symbol: ¶

• AAA batteries

• hedgehog farts

• Rowlf from Muppet Babies

• any Devo cover band

• toddlers in jean jackets trying to look tough

• the Pyraminx

• crying poop emojis

• old people dabbing

• travel-size anything

• how gangsta rap in the 90s released "clean" versions for radio play

Some More Things Cuter Than Ariana Grande

Ariana Grande is a 25 year old grown-ass woman now, but she'll still have you believe she's a bashful, doe-eyed Kewpie doll. A few previous EADJ entries documented a few things that are cuter than her. Here is yet another.

• Any Japanese cartoon mascot

• Chubby illustrated stars with fat little legs and arms

• Animal crackers, especially the little elephants

• The element Helium

• Sleeping hedgehogs

• How Axl Rose thinks "he's still got it"

• Baby pacifiers that make it look like they have vampire teeth

• Doll pants

• The tiny mews kittens make when they're pissed

A Few More Things That Are Cuter Than Ariana Grande

Previous entries on this subject can be seen here.

For years now, Ariana Grande has presented herself as a dimply, aw-shucks pop songstress that's just as cute as a baby button. But EADJ has a list of 20 things that happen to be cuter than her:

1. Cartoon caterpillars

2. Jane Wiedlin (circa 1989)

3. Otters holding hands while floating

4. A Sanrio version of Snuggles the fabric softener bear

5. Finger sandwiches

6. The Flintstone vitamin of Dino

7. Satin short shorts for American Girl dolls

8. Keith, the host at Olive Garden in San Mateo, California

9. those tiny rubber bands that used to go on people's braces

10. flute solos

11. fat men who can't do somersaults

12. Toffifay

13. Pluto still hanging in there

14. The lowercase letters of the Century Gothic font

15. The tiny island of Tubou in Fiji

16. Minecraft pigs

17. Nightlight bulbs

18. Calling an amputated limb a "boo-boo"

19. Airplane bottles of wine

20. The word "shew"

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25 Days of Hallmark Movies: Day 15: "Christmas Tail" Starring Chandra West and Antonio Cupo

Plot summary: "A single mom rescues a dog from the shelter as a gift for her son, not knowing it belongs to a girl and her single dad, so the two families are forced to share the pup."

This is essentially the story of a really bad dog owner who inexplicably lets it run away multiple times and whose only consequence for his negligence is to fall in love with some other lonely parent. Neither of them seems to *really* love the dog; it seems like a four legged plot device. It could easily have been a cat, a goat or an okapi for all they care.

Romance Factor: 3 out of 10

Christmas Cheer: 2 out of 10

Overall Rating: 2.5 out of 10

Time Until First Kiss: 01:16:04