Doppelgänger Time!

Alternate Universe John Reid measures twice, cuts once.

Alt-Ayana is annoyed that she's halfway on a shelf.

Multiversal Marshall already seems bored with this universe and wants to go home.

Some More Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Seen

"Now before we finish this 18th hole, I wanted to let you know that I'm actually Carlos Reyes, the man you cheated fifteen years ago."

*shoots him dead*

"Sorry, I messed up this possession. I'm new to this LOL"

"Maybe if we glower harder the drones will leave us alone."

"CANDICE DID YOU PICK THIS AIRBNB? I AM SO MAD AT YOU"

"I don't believe it. It's incredible. You did all that, doggy? Crazy."

"Miss, you dropped your drei..."

*makes eye contact*

"...dl."

"You said this was a DREAM HOUSE but didn't mention that the DREAM was a MURDERER's DREAM and not a REGULAR GOOD DREAM, you murderer!"

"No, don't kill him. We have six hours—plenty of time to get lunch and shop at that strip mall with the candle store."

"Life Is Really Simple, But We Insist On Making It Pathmark."

Dog Park Missed Connections

The following Missed Connections were posted by dogs that visited the Bucks County Core Creek Dog Park in Langhorne, PA:

You: the French Bulldog

Me: the Australian Shepherd

Hey pretty eyes! I was watching you over by the dog ramp and thought we could maybe get together without the owners. My dog walker leaves me alone at the house on Thursdays! ;)

You: the cute Cocker Spaniel

Me: the dashing Border Collie/Beagle mix

We had a moment over by the tree, making eye contact while BOTH PISSING. Classic, right? Call me!

You: the Doberman puppy

Me: the dog named Sandy

I know I don't look like a puppy, but I'm pretty young. So it won't be like I'm robbing the cradle or anything if you and I dated LOL! Anyways, you seem cute and I could show you some new sexual stuff.

You: the Japanese Chin (or Papillon?)

Me: the Brussels Griffon with the jingle bell collar

Sup pretty. Your butt smelled interesting, so I thought I'd hit you up. Let me know if you want to go to the Blur reunion show at the Hollywood Bowl in October. I got tickets.

In Honor Of May the Fourth, Here Are The Latest Star Wars Tie-In Merchandise

It's no secret that Lucasfilm's Star Wars properties are very big business in the merchandising world, especially since Disney acquired them in 2012. Here are the latest products you can expect on store shelves from the marketing juggernaut:

Star Wars Mouse & Insect Glue Traps

There's no need to bullseye womp rats from your T-16 when you can just lay these pre-baited adhesive glue traps to catch them in your moisture farm grain silo. Also catches Earth mice!

Star Wars Diabetic Socks

A large majority of SW fans have health issues connected to obesity. Diabetes is one of them. These special socks provide support for circulatory problems related to diabetes, whether you're standing in line for the Hall H panel in San Diego or participating in the Running of the Willrow Hoods.

Star Wars X Massengill Douche

Female Star Wars fans have been ignored for too long. But that's the past, as Star Wars partners with douche giant Massengill to offer natural SW-themed freshness to vaginae across the galaxy.

Star Wars Brake Pads

George Lucas was always a fan of speed, whether it was the hot rods in American Graffiti or the pod racers in Episode 1. These Star Wars branded brake pads provide the responsible counter to runaway speeds, offering safety, control and long-lasting reliability you can expect from Star Wars merchandise.

Overheard At The Living Nativity Scene

"Well, this itches more than I thought it would."

"Psst, what's the Packers/Lions score?"

"Aw man, what did you feed the goat?"

"That drummer boy is really starting to annoy me."

"I just realized that half of us are in a band."
"I know they mean well, but it's really distracting when passing cars honk their horns."
"Applebee's."
"I'm doing this for purely political reasons."
"Dude, I don't think a Rottweiler was in Bethlehem."
"Joseph. Stop staring at my chest."
"Does this count as cosplay?"
"Why is the baby black?"
"This manger wasn't built by a competent carpenter, I'll tell you that much."
"How ironic. The Comfort Inn across the street says 'No Vacancy.'"
"Sheeeeeeeeeee-ip."
"Hágame el favor de hablar más despacio."
"This will get me on IMDb, right?"
"Onion bagels? Fucking hell, Tom, I specifically said plain or raisin bagels."
"Okay, who has the air horn?"
"I look good in this."

In Advertising, Black Women Still Have Only One Hairdo

As main exhibitor at the 15th Annual World Natural Hair Health & Beauty Show in Atlanta, I strongly protest the idea that the lazy big afro is the only possible hairstyle. What about the updo? The corn row or other braided variant? The Manassas Hangdown? 

Please, Madison Avenue. Spend more time around- or better yet, employ- black women and you'll get a better sense of the wide variety of hairstyles that we like to wear, other than the obvious 'fro.