Dog Park Missed Connections

The following Missed Connections were posted by dogs that visited the Bucks County Core Creek Dog Park in Langhorne, PA:

You: The too-cool-for-school Sheltie, walking around the main playground rather than running through it

Me: The half Boxer/Collie who had sniffed your butt already at the entrance but wanted to sniff more

Call me when you want to get together. No, wait. Neither of us have phones. :(

--------------

You: The yappy Chihuahua 

Me: The yappy Pomeranian 

Hey dude you seem pretty cool dude we should totally meet up sometime and hang out dude you know what I mean I don't want to sound too pushy but I got a good vibe from you dude and we should totally hang out that would be cool dude don't you think okay see you later dude bye

--------------

You: That white dog

Me: The half blind Doberman

Hey there white dog. I can't see too good at my age but I remember your color. You were smallish and white and smelled delicious. Hit me up when you get this– I'm pretty hungry white dog

Another List of Things That Are Objectively Cuter Than Ariana Grande

Pop singer Ariana Grande's entire public identity is built on the idea that she's cute as a button, and perhaps the cutest thing ever. But we here at EADJ would like to respectively suggest a few other things that have been scientifically proven to be cuter than her. List, begin!:

• Baby Yoda from "The Mandalorian"

End of list.

The ProofrEADJer: Mid-April Edition

And for shame, CNN:

The ProofrEADJer: Still November Edition

The ProofrEADJer: July Edition

Hey, Bagster

Yeah, I'm talking to you, asshole.

I see you doing your construction project or whatever, but instead of a solid, REAL dumpster, you decided to try out a Bagster, which apparently is a giant tote bag that you can have the garbage man skip by and carry away like a basket of eggs.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Bags are for groceries. Bags are for holding baguettes from the bakery. Bags are for carrying bedazzled Twilight t-shirts from Hot Topic. BAGS ARE NOT FOR CONSTRUCTION.

Oh, but you say the Bagster is made from a strong polyurethane weave to withstand up to a ton of building refuse? But what about sharp objects, dipshit? You don't think a steel dowel isn't going to puncture the hell out of the side of your Bagster, leaving all your trash to leak out into the street?

Fucking asshole. You're making the neighborhood look like an Easter Egg hunt with that bullshit in your front yard. You're killing me.

Bagster. Get that dainty shit out of my sight. Dig a goddamned hole in your yard and throw garbage in there like a real man.

Overbagged!

Spotted at Madison Square Garden, a woman carrying everything she's ever owned lumbers along for the train.

Coming Soon to the EADJ Crappinema: The Man From Button Willow

This appears to be an animated romp of some kind.




"A delightfully different, excitingly new adventure in family entertainment!" Translation: leave this on for the kids while you fire up more rock.

Dog + Balls

(pictured above, Michelle Litos moonlights. Moonlitos?)

An As-Yet Unanswered Wedding Tip

Andrew asks Jessica an oblique (and super-dark) Wedding Tip question.

Jessica and Ayana had attempted to answer this question, but they were confused about the meaning of the question and filmed a really awkward non-response which was ultimately rejected by EADJ publishers.

So this is all we got so far.

Spreading the Cheer

(pictured above, Jeanette's sister Terri also got a Christmas greeting from Christy and Peanut, who you might remember from a previous entry. Terri was also befuddled.)

Congratulations, Jessica!

Last night, Jessica got engaged to a dog with cataracts who would rather watch SportsCenter. Congratulations to the happy couple!

Touching base with our fanbase

There have been some mutterings that the content of this blog has drifted away from its main goal– covering Joel eating dick– to content of a more scatological nature.

Yeah, maybe. But we've found that it's the palate-clearing mints of the poo poo and pee pee stuff that makes the Joel-choking-down-cock thing more delicious.

Like, seriously, do you really want to read DAILY entries about how much dick Joel actually eats? You do? Oh, okay. We'll try to do more, then.

Like just yesterday, Joel helped hold the ladder for the contractors roofing his apartment complex because it allowed him to eat all their dicks as they went up and came down. The fact that some of the dicks he ate were from illegal immigrants casts a slight brown shadow on the proceedings, but still, free dick!

(pictured above, fuck that noise)

Dick Time is Always The Right Time

After a job interview yesterday, Joel walked around downtown L.A.

Most every dick grocery around was still closed, as it was only 8:30 in the morning. Joel did manage to come across a hot dog vendor in front of a convenience store.

Always quick-witted when hungry for dick, Joel ran into the convenience store, bought a 13-inch veal sausage and meatballs, and took it to the hot dog vendor to slather it in mayonnaise. Instant dick!

Joel will be releasing a "how to" book of dick cooking emergencies later next spring.

(pictured above, Jessica travels to France to release a pop album under a nom de plume. Singing in French, however, doesn't deter her from talking about poop as usual.)

The Shorter Fatter Longest Running Schtick on EADJ

Submitted by Matt Spett:
Larry and I saw Scott Peterson look-alike in the elevator about a half-hour ago. I tried to capture the moment but it didn't work out so well. Just want it to be documented on EADJ.

Submitted by Larry Liss, who's been reading way too much WWTDD:
And by "couldn't capture the moment" he means "completely inept at working the camera function on his cell phone."

Blargity blobbity Matt joins the list blabbity bloobity bottom of this page bloggity blerm.