ProofrEADJer: End of October Edition

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Gangsta checklist: baggy pants, check. Belly tat, check. Gat, check. Tight dreads, check. Sideways hat, check. Large coffee from Auntie Anne's with two sugars and one cream, check.

 I swear I first read this as "FART LIFE" and liked that way better.

Geraldine found a new use for one of those black headlight "bras" people used to put on the front of their Camaros.

Amazingly, a photographer's assistant didn't try to be a wiseass and throw a ping pong ball between their heads for a quick game of Plinko.

Finally, hip hop emcees act like gentlemen and give the bitches front and center stage. You've come such a long way, bitches!

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Pond Swoop With a Parachute

A professional skydiver was killed during a pond swooping competition in San Diego when he accelerated too quickly during his descent and hit the water at a high speed. But what is pond swooping, you ask? Pond swooping is a dangerous new sport popular among parachute enthusiasts where they move their parachutes close to the surface of bodies of water.


Here are the techniques to basic pond swooping:

1) Maneuver your parachute to travel parallel with the surface of a shallow pond. Use both handles to maintain control of the direction of your chute without braking too hard.

2) When close to the lake or pond, drag your feet across the surface without sinking in or slowing down.

3) Pull your chute up along the surface until you find a stable place to land at a safe speed.

And speaking of swooping near bodies of water, don't ever let a couple take a wedding photo near geese or swans. Nasty little creatures- they will chase you and your car to the ends of the earth. Stay smart, kids.

The ProofrEADJer, February Edition

The misspelled word isn't "breadstix," btw. ^

A Special Pre-Valentines Day Message From Cement Bird

Cement Bird, as some of you might remember, can only communicate through shitty FWD emails.



----- Forwarded Message ----
From: cialis@2934.kadsf.tv
To: mailinglist@mindspring.com
Sent: Mon, January 9, 2012 9:28:55 PM
Subject: Fw: [Fwd: INSPIRING PHOTOS!!!!!]

THIS IS WONDERFUL. GREAT PICTURES AND GREAT ADVICE.
The irony of these beautiful photos is that we may never have seen them if the artist hadn't died prematurely at age 57 when his plane crashed on February 6th, 2010.
Carlos Alberto was from Mendoza, Peru, one of the provinces next to the Andes. absolutely magnificent photos
>
>
>
>
>
(no content)
>
>
>
>
>



Hotmail: Free, trusted and rich email service. Get it now. =

A Special Cinco De Mayo Greeting From Cement Bird

Cement Bird, as some of you might remember, can only communicate through shitty FWD emails.


----- Forwarded Message ----
From: Ron
To: Undisclosed-Recipient@yahoo.com
Sent: Tue, December 15, 2009 1:24:05 AM
Subject: Fw: [Fwd: Fw: Obituary YOU MUST READ THIS!!!!!]





Find Out How You Can Start Making $6487 a Month At HOME

No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG - www.avg.com
Version: 8.5.427 / Virus Database: 270.14.108/2565 - Release Date: 12/14/09 19:40:00

Okay... I appreciate the preachy FWD, Cement Bird. But your timing sucks on two counts: it's two weeks past Easter, and Osama Bin Laden just died, so are you sure you want to throw out an obituary so close to that news? Just sayin'.

Oh, also, you misspelled "Jerusalem."

A Thanksgiving Greeting From Cement Bird

Cement Bird, as some of you might remember, can only communicate through shitty FWD emails.


Please note: forwarded message attached

From: Helen Safre
To: undisclosed recipients: ;
Subject: Jesus Laughing :) This is really good!
Date: Mon, 26 Jul 2010 14:46:50 -0700 (PDT)
___________________________________________________________
Obama Urges Homeowners to Refinance
If you owe under $729k you probably qualify for Obama's Refi Program
SeeRefinanceRates.com





Thanks, Cement Bird! You have a good Thanksgiving, too!

Yikes

Spotted in a Goodwill in Laurel, Maryland, a lamp that defies description:



What's worse, it was one in a set of two.

Stay Classy, NYC.

Spotted yesterday on 45th and 3rd Ave, some guy flossing his teeth while on the phone.




I mean, hang up if you're gonna floss your teeth on the sidewalk. So rude!