Subliminal Oppression?

Pictured below, an onscreen Sprite ad (OBEY YOUR THIRST) on the Burger King soda dispenser briefly reminded me of "They Live":

Spotted On Recent Episodes of "Beavis and Butt-Head"

Either Mike Judge has found religion or is pulling our leg. I suspect the latter.

 

I Know We Just Did This On Monday, But Somehow It's Time Again To Say Goodbye To All The Bullshit Marketers Want You To Say Goodbye To

Bye! Goodbye! Goodbye! *kiss* Goodbye!

EADJ Fashion Round-Up: Deep Autumn Edition

Brown car, brown shirt, brown shorts, brown shoes. Despite his best efforts, he really stands out.

Spotted in Penn Station, which apparently has trains running to Yavin 4.

Spotted on 6th Avenue. A little match-matchy, but definitely stylish.

Legend of Zelda: Link To the Fat

A fur varsity jacket? I thought those only existed on Beverly Hills 90210.

What would fit in those pockets?

These are the type of middle aged folks you see all the time in Soho. Pretty fabulous.

Both ladies had a different way to incorporate the "Big Bird" look.

"I dunno, just try pulling the helmet really hard on your head."

A thousand bucks says these two have a podcast. A thousand.

Muumuu Lady and Karate girl leave after slaying a couple of Whoppers. Paging Wes Anderson!

Here Are Your Timesheets For April 2018

--------------------------------------

From: Haarun Shalhoub <haarun.shalhoub@delirass.com>

Subject: Times Seets Rminder

To: "AGENCY" <allagency@corporative.com>

Date: Tuesday, April 2, 2018, 5:26 PM

Hello this is Haarun from the deli downstairs in the building

Your boss told me to send out reminder of times sheets being the due at E.O.D. (end of day) today

Here are the job numbers incase you required to use them thank you:

--------------------------------------

54315: Shitting me

54315b: Not shitting me

29929: Fostering a hostile work environment

024433: Explaining how the "Cloverfield Cinematic Universe" isn't just a catch-all handle for a bunch of different bullshit

68228: Accidentally using Grindr instead of Flickr

92753: Spitting gum into the urinal like an asshole

28828: Spoiling the season premiere of "Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt"

81123: Scolding the dog for acting like a dog

936669: Trying to remember if Ezra Miller is an actor or a singer

752013: Praying the gay back

649002: Mustering the courage to call someone handicapped an asshole (and they were being one)

This Week In Out Of Context Screenshots

Ten Tough Questions For You

1) What are you doing at McDonald's?

2) Of all the things you could order at McDonald's why would you order a Filet-O-Fish®?

3) If you were somehow forced into ordering a Filet-O-Fish®, why in God's name would you want two of them?

4) Now that you have two Filet-O-Fishes®, are you going to actually sit there in public and eat both of those nasty fucking things?

5) Does all that tartar sauce make you feel like a porn star?

6) Did you ever notice that there is fucking CHEESE in those things? Great Shit.

7, 8) How do you feel after downing two Filet-O-Fish® sandwiches although you only paid for one? Do you feel like you got away with something, or do you feel like you're being punished for something?

9) On the back of your new receipt, is there yet another coupon for a free Filet-O-Fish® with a purchase of a Filet-O-Fish®?

10) Do you have $2?

If You Only Knew How Much I Lobsterfest® You

Lobsterfest® is so prevalent these days that CEOs of corporations are coming out of retirement to enjoy the corporate discount we're offering for all the scrumptiously moist but tender lobster deals at Red Lobster. (This entry was written after 5 beers at a beer garden for lunch.)

• We blast the hell out of some down-lows and craigies, then tilt the shit out of the upper wakies like we're totally gonna max the shit out of the whole thing, then we bring it riding down at the last second before totally whaling the hell out of it before it burns out! Now that's a totally incomprehensible and non-sport specific way to enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!

•  One of those parade floats from the Rose Bowl. Yeah, one of those. You take one of those bad boys, then you load it up full of frozen lobster meat and trot it out during a hot summer day (preferably June because that's our most available month). Then you get a megaphone and invite all the kids in the neighborhood to come out and eat the hell out of the oozing, thawing lobster meat while their adoring parents look on in nostalgia of when they did that back in the day. Hell, fuck if that ain't a goddamned shit way to fucking rock the lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!

• We buy a Kermit the Frog puppet from a department store, then stuff its ass full of lobster and butter packets and hide at the airport, near arrivals. When a minor celebrity or reality show star shows up, we wave the Kermit puppet so that they go, "Hey, it's Kermit!" and come over excitedly. Then when they hug it too hard, loads of delicious lobster meat and butter come flying out of Kermit's mouth, raining on everyone in the airport, including the porters. Now that's certainly an unusual but approved way to enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at LAX.

• Simon Peter said to them, “I am going fishing.” They said to him, “We will go with you.” They went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing.- John 21:3
We add to this Bible verse that Simon Peter and his buddies then came over to their local Galilee Red Lobster to enjoy jalapeno shrimp fritters and a medium drink for $6.99. Red Lobster, Lobsterfest®, a canal. Panama.

• We confiscate everyone's driver's license at the restaurant and put them in a velvet bag. We ship the bag to a sherpa who loads it onto their pack llama and walks it to the top of the tallest mountain in Nepal. Once they have reached the summit of the mountain, he picks fourteen of the licenses from a bag, scans each one with a hand scanner, then emails the list to our manager. Our manager then finds each of the fourteen patrons and asks how their meal is. Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster can be enjoyed this way if you really think about it.

Okay, What the Hell.

There's this convenience store near my house in New Jersey, and I just visited it recently. It's run by a kindly Indian man who is very friendly but has an odd way of stocking his wares.




What the fuck, dude. Did he make that sandwich himself? I'm glad he clarified that it was made with two slices of bread. I'm amazed he didn't include nutritional information.


Yes, that is a single stick of butter being sold next to a single jello cup. It looks like he's ignoring all those 'not for individual sale' warnings on wrappers so he can turn a buck. Oh yeah, also the chocolate bar.


There are no words.

Hey, Bead Maze, I Ain't Done With You!

Hey, Bead Maze, think I'm done abusing you, you useless, confusing non-toy? You think this is a game? Well, this might be a game, but you sure as hell aren't one. You're not even a puzzle. You're a series of lathed and painted blocks impaled on a bendy wire. And what does that amount to? Jack shit, buddy. No baby was ever set in front of you and thought, "Holy shitshockers, this is the most wonderful toy I've ever seen!" No, every baby who ever saw you reacted the way everyone else still reacts: with confusion and revulsion. I'd go so far as to say any parent who willingly buys a bead maze hates their child, and that the baby is better off being raised by geese on a golf course.

So keep thinking you're hot shit, Bead Maze, but know this: I got my eye on you, and I will not hesitate to take you down a few notches with a serious body slam. What.

If it pees, eat it.

The following are questions from a psychological test that Joel took while applying for a job at Jack In the Box:

YES/NO Do you feel sad or depressed?
YES/NO Feel easily tired or distracted?
YES/NO Do I make you horny?
YES/NO Do you have tense muscles or problems sleeping?
YES/NO Do you ever think about eating dick?
YES/NO Admit it. You do think about eating dick, right?
YES/NO Joel. We're talking to you.
YES/NO Joel.
YES/NO Fine. Don't answer.
YES/NO Do you ever feel exhausted after eating dick?
YES/NO Do you think that maybe you might be eating too much dick?
YES/NO It's not that we're judging you or anything. Maybe you should just cut back a little.
YES/NO Do you feel worthless or guilty?
YES/NO Do you feel angry?
YES/NO Do you sometimes get so angry that you want to garrotte that goddamn receptionist's neck?
YES/NO Do you ever want to hurt yourself?
YES/NO Do you ever have thoughts about hurting yourself?
YES/NO Can we hurt you?
YES/NO Please?
YES/NO Would you like to hurt us?
YES/NO Hey, where are you going?
YES/NO
YES/NO
YES/NO Asshole.

(pictured above, a spectacular display of swooping, organic lines surrounding a sucking, cavernous venue, and a stage)

TheRightSideofRyan'sFace-a-Palooza!

(pictured above, the right side of Ryan's face working on godawful TV Guide crap and the right side of Ryan's face making fun of Ranee having to work on godawful Dex crap)