Something I Noticed On YouTube

Served up to me on the algorithm after watching a video by Djo:

Geez. Does every cast member of "Stranger Things" have a record deal? What an incredibly talented group of people. Where's Dustin's dance video for "The Neverending Story"?

Bleach Your Eyes

I don't know what these influencers are doing.

I don't want to know.

I'm sorry I happened to see this.

Fuck influencers and whatever they're doing to get attention—which is ANYTHING.

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

 Here's the latest in hip hop mixtape artwork:

A ski mask and a nap is all I need too, buddy.

But sure, maybe the edge of a sink is comfy, too.

Latto about to finish her shift at the local carwash, completely unaware of the nearby camera.

"Fine Ho, Stay" is not the Lego Movie sequel I was expecting.

Still waiting for that new Blade movie from Marvel.

Oh JEEZ, I'm not touching this one.

All the Latest Influencers Added To VidCon US 2024

VidCon 2024 is coming to Las Vegas, and boy, the already full roster of special guests is expanding even more! So secure your tickets now so you can see these social luminaries onstage:

• The Hawk Tuah Girl's best friend Chelsea will show up and wave to the crowd for $50,000

• A Jake Paul look-a-like will box a Mike Tyson look-a-like for counterfeit money. Nothing is real.

• For $50, SSSniperwolf will doxx you

• Joe Rogan will try some new material after locking all the exit doors

• Remember Fred? No? Well, he's showing up anyway. 

An Ad I Found On Facebook

This is a good idea until you fall on your back and starve to death if no one can help you up.

The ProofrEADJer, Second Week of February Edition

Upcoming YouTube Stars To Watch Out For

YouTube Star: M🐢NKY

Number of Followers: 56,904,255

Channel: Reaction videos of people doing amazing things like PARKING!

YouTube Star: KoomBatz

Number of Followers: 3,841,282

Channel: Prank videos where Koombatz predicts things happen but they don't. HILARIOUS!

YouTube Star: Krrrrrrrrrrla

Number of Followers: 567,355,632,116

Channel: Shocking videos where she reacts to amazing things like people paying bills and doing things for themselves.

YouTube Star: Gaslighter✉✉✉29✉✉✉

Number of Followers: 823,582,444

Channel: Gaslighter✉✉✉29✉✉✉ features crazy shit you can't handle. LIKE AUTOMATIC DOORS AND ESCALATORS. BWAHHHHHHHHHHH!

YouTube Star: Especial Dingus

Number of Followers: 5,435,936,233,943,121

Channel: Mostly shots of him trying to clean his desktop. Sometimes games.

YouTube Star: VALEREE🥔🥔🥔🥔🥔🥔🥔VAL

Number of Followers: 567,355,632,116

Channel: VALEREE🥔🥔🥔🥔🥔🥔🥔VAL tackles brain busters like mazes from children's placemats and Middle East peace talks

YouTube Star: DumbassMillennial

Number of Followers: 40,559,624,328,636,024

Channel: DumbassMillennial doesn't make commentary so much as make enthusiastic grunts whenever something he sees confuses him.

Awesome YouTube Comment O' The Fortnight

From a page featuring video of a tree branch burning on power lines, a comment by npr101010:

"i was waiting for a time portal to open and a taco to fall out it"

Excellent YouTube Comment O' More Than a Fortnight

From the "Treadmobile" YouTube page featuring a ridiculous running treadmill you're supposed to use on the street, a comment by saltima:

"when will we see the stationary bike version of this?"

Dumb YouTube Comment O' The Fortnight

From page "Food Ad Tricks: Helping Kids Understand Food Ads on TV," a behind-the-scenes look at how advertisers make a burger in commercials look so appetizing, a comment by DaGipsyKing (whose account has regrettably been closed):

I wanna see what she can do with my meat.

Dumb YouTube Comment O' The Fortnight: Two-Fer

From the YouTube page featuring John Lennon's video for "Imagine," a comment by 22-year old pumpernickles13:

"this song is beautiful because he is describing heaven."


and one from the more articulate johnrobinsonh:

"What are we really supposed to "imagine"? That the world will live as one?
Do you have any idea how many people in the world there are?
There are over 240,000.000 people living in Indonesia - the most populist Muslim country.
Should we imagine that all 240 million Muslims in Indonesia should be welcomed to live as one in Manhattan with John and Yoko and we're supposed to imagine there are no religions and all these folks are going to live in peace with us?
What %*#$(%# idiots!"

Dumb YouTube Comment O' The Fortnight!

From Lisanova's personal video blog telling people about Global Geek Week to raise awareness for 4 charities (Oxfam, WWA, The Humane Society and Live Strong), a comment by SnaixOnAPlane:

"I want to eat the brown stuff that comes out of your butthole lisanova.. is that going too far?"

Stay classy, SnaixOnAPlane.

Dumb YouTube Comment O' The Fortnight!

Posted by Pilotemane90 on the excellent Floating Dog YouTube page, a "hey-I'm-a-pilot" show-offy and scoldy comment that I can't decide to file under "nobody gives a shit" or "shut the fuck up."

"Now why is this important, well the oil pick up is in the lowest pat of the sump, so if all your oil is floating at the top, and your sump is at the bottom you can run the risk of running the engine out of oil, hence the reason for inverted oil an fuel systems. And please dont use the Im in flight school BS again you sound like an idot. But otherwise negatve G's are awesome!"

Sewage Worms Update

I guess I'm late to the whole Sewage Worms party (thanks to Bill Dow for the tip), but apparently there were these gross things spotted in a sewer in North Carolina (not footage of Janice Dickinson's pap smear):



That still doesn't explain why someone had "The Sewage Worms" written on a nametag.

And yes, mentioning the Crabtree Valley Mall in North Carolina was just a spooky coincidence.

Here is an article explaining what the piss those things are.

Three Questions For The Free Credit Report Dude

1) Please stop.

2) Why is your shit so poorly lip synched every time?

3) Why are you happily singing about your current hopeless financial situation? Why don't you and your little buddies just have a regular gig somewhere, and that can be the steady job you have to start saving money, get out of debt and slowly but surely repair your credit rating? God, I sound like my Dad.

*Bonus Question: Are you actually having a relationship with this woman?


It's okay if you are.

BONUS Dumb YouTube Comment O' The Fortnight:


From the YouTube page featuring the Free Credit Report commercial at the Renaissance Fair, a comment by renandstumpd:

"OMG I saw jesus."

Dumb YouTube Comment O' The Fortnight!

From V Cakes' homemade "PopLockAndDropIt" video, a comment by a MissAyari:

"yo V i got the same duvet on my bed lol"

Dumb YouTube CommentS O' The Fortnight!

From the very popular YouTube page featuring the now-famous Susan Boyle on "Britain's Got Talent," a snarky comment by Fabio2324:

"OMG she is so hot can't wait to see her in 100 hottest women of 2009 :D"


Which is weird, because on his profile page he wrote this:
I love music a lot, it keeps me alive...

once in a while mother nature throws different humans being on our planet earth some of them have unique abilities and super human physique. Many will call it a freak of a nature I would call it the wolf effect

╔══╗♫
║██║
║ O ║♥ music is my life
╚══╝

And a brief comment from 3ricjohnson:

nigga please

Dumb YouTube Comment O' The Fortnight!

From a YouTube page featuring Michael McDonald doing a live performance of "What a Fool Believes," a comment by wabashcharlie:


"This is a such a beautiful, poignant song, especially if you've ever been a hopelessly optimistic "fool" like the one described in the song. Truly brilliant."

Dumb YouTube Comment O' The Fortnight!

From the Youtube page about Jimmy Kimmel Live containing a blooper where he says the word "clit" accidentally, a comment by ChinaYouku:

"Yuanmingyuan curzoniae Chinese buyers show up first refused to pay!"

When Did I Turn Into A Troll?

Today I was on the "Michael Jackson - Black Or White" YouTube page (????????????????????) and watched the nonsensical intro starring Macaulay Culkin and George Wendt from "Cheers."


(Note the unfortunate contextual banner ad)

I wrote a comment about it and found myself minutes later in kind of a comment war from a devoted Michael Jackson fan. I think I might have won.


You can visit the actual page with the subsequent comment war here.