UAG

The Only Four Scenarios Where This Photo Would Make Any Sense

Scenario 1: a buxom Indian princess is rescued from a stampeding herd by Tony Stark (using an experimental 'big head' design) and Peter Parker (who fell under a reverse-aging spell cast by Doctor Strange) with the help of Frankie Stein from Monster High. Everyone dies horribly.

Scenario 2: This is an alternate Marvel universe where Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive spider in his crib, thus allowing him to fight his nemeses, Racially-Insensitive Indian Squaw and Frankie Stein from Monster High. In this same alternate universe, Tony Stark is a terrible designer and can't get all of his armor to fit or work right. Everyone dies horribly.


Scenario 3: Frankie Stein from Monster High learns that her real Dad isn't Frankenstein's monster, but a hydrocephalic Iron Man and a racist Sofia Vergara. Her little brother is an inept Spider-Man fan who is too young to web sling successfully but tries to fight crime anyway with his family. Everyone dies horribly.


Scenario 4: A shitty Halloween superstore attempts to advertise their low-quality merchandise before the police catch on and close their 1-month lease. Everyone dies horribly.

"Lights Up When Open?" Nice Try, Toys Я Us.

Pictured below, Marvel attempts to trick kids and comic book geeks into bathing.

Which Can, Erickson? (Special Marvel's Avengers Edition)

Click to enlarge:

Who is pooping at The Driskill Hotel in Austin, TX?

Who is pooping at the Philadelphia Airport (this is an easy guess)?

Who is pooping at the Old Courthouse in St. Louis?

Who is pooping at DBGB in New York?

Who is pooping at Son Of A Gun in L.A.?

Who is pooping at the Martini Ranch in Chicago (another easy guess- martinis)?

Answers assemble, tomorrow!

EADJ Rewind

I was rummaging through some old boxes and found this. This is a flyer I spotted in Atlanta when I was in town for the 1996 Summer Olympics.



So many questions. I picture a frantic delusional Asian man taping these all over Atlanta.

Unflattering

Pictured below, Bruce Willis joins the LPGA.

Dumb YouTube CommentS O' The Fortnight!

From the very popular YouTube page featuring the now-famous Susan Boyle on "Britain's Got Talent," a snarky comment by Fabio2324:

"OMG she is so hot can't wait to see her in 100 hottest women of 2009 :D"


Which is weird, because on his profile page he wrote this:
I love music a lot, it keeps me alive...

once in a while mother nature throws different humans being on our planet earth some of them have unique abilities and super human physique. Many will call it a freak of a nature I would call it the wolf effect

╔══╗♫
║██║
║ O ║♥ music is my life
╚══╝

And a brief comment from 3ricjohnson:

nigga please

The EADJ Pun Sheriff Is In Town.

(cue Ennio Morricone music)

Round these parts, there's no sense of right or wrong. People feel they can let their wordplays and turns of phrase run wild. And because of that, nobody wants to be the lawman. Well, that's where I come in. Here, you risk your skin catching punsters and the juries turn them loose so they can come back and make you groan again. If you're honest you're poor your whole life and in the end you wind up dying all alone on some dirty street. For what? For nothing. For a tin star. But that's the job. I'm the pun sheriff of Butt Gulch.


Now some Hollywood studio tried to put up a poster near the telegraph office with a terrible joke about credit and shopping. I aimed my six shooter at their hand to stop them but hit their ankle. Looked like it hurt real bad.


Now, some different Hollywood types were doing the same thing over by the blacksmith, 'cept it was a movie about dogs. And the pun was worse. I aimed for their wrist but shot them in the neck.


Some fleabag newspaper in New York had a pretty awful pun in its headline (someone told me "BK" is often short for Brooklyn). That itself wasn't the problem...


...it's just that they ran it TWICE in the same publication. I aimed for their feet to drive them out of Dodge, but I hit them in the belly. That's a terrible place to get shot.


Mabel over at the dry goods store called my attention to a catalog that someone had left out front. Pretty standard, terrible stuff in it. But when I looked closer, I read one of the worst puns of my career as a lawman:


I rounded up a posse real quick and we rode out to Favorites Catalog Ranch. There we burned down the house and barn, raped the livestock, and I shot the owner in the thigh, though I was aimin' for his heart that time. Maybe I should start drinking whiskey again to stop my hands from shakin' so much...