A Few More Puddles of New York City, Identified By Pantone Number

The people in NYC are from a wide, beautiful spectrum. So are the nasty, unidentifiable puddles. Here's a Pantone guide to help you identify what you just stepped in with open toed shoes:

8 Fairly Recent Bruce Willis Posters, Presented In Order of Increasing Bruce Willis-ness

Movie: Vice (2012)

Bruce Willis-ness: A low, embarrassing 2. His vacant stare and loose jaw makes him look distracted by a nearby cat on the shelf licking himself. No bad-assness at all.

Movie: Vice (2015)

Bruce Willis-ness: A tepid 3. He's got the stare, but his lips aren't pursed with that sense of resolve and purpose; he almost looks constipated here.

Movie: The Prince (2014)

Bruce Willis-ness: Now you're talking! I much improved 6 here. He's staring down pieces of debris this time, mouth firm and set in the shape of a Playstation controller. Better!

Movie: Extraction (2015)

Bruce Willis-ness: We're looking at a 7 here. Bruce is in the zone now, baby! Eyes and jaw set, but without a gun his folded hands make him look like a church usher.

Movie: First Kill (2017)

Bruce Willis-ness: Another 7. Holy shit, Bruce is sharing a poster with Darth Vader! Even without a gun, he got his game face and he's rocking a law enforcement badge. Ready to kick ass.

Movie: Marauders (2016)

Bruce Willis-ness: 7.5. STILL without a gun, but this time with facial hair. Bruce clenches his jaw and is suited up to bring grief to the bad guys. Yeah, I wrote that!

Movie: Once Upon A Time In Venice (2017)

Bruce Willis-ness: A solid 9. It must be said that although the intent of a good Bruce Willis face isn't to look like a smart-ass, it's a very welcome accident. Here he looks both tough and about to say something to really piss off the substitute teacher.

Movie: A Good Day To Die Hard (2013)

Bruce Willis-ness: 10! Perfection. Leather. Gun. Scars. Game face with a touch of smart-ass, SIDE LIT by motherfucking flames! Too bad the movie is 100% shit.

UAG

Dumb YouTube Comment O' The Fortnight: Two-Fer

From the YouTube page featuring John Lennon's video for "Imagine," a comment by 22-year old pumpernickles13:

"this song is beautiful because he is describing heaven."


and one from the more articulate johnrobinsonh:

"What are we really supposed to "imagine"? That the world will live as one?
Do you have any idea how many people in the world there are?
There are over 240,000.000 people living in Indonesia - the most populist Muslim country.
Should we imagine that all 240 million Muslims in Indonesia should be welcomed to live as one in Manhattan with John and Yoko and we're supposed to imagine there are no religions and all these folks are going to live in peace with us?
What %*#$(%# idiots!"

Maybe A Little Obsessive.

I spotted in a recent issue of "Fantastic Man" magazine, one of those M&M ads that turns celebrities into creepy edible versions of themselves.


I noticed his signature, and it got me wondering if the DVD he gave me a long time ago was really signed by him or by some PA flunkie.


So a quick check verified the arrogantly ambitious "M," the overcomplicated "B" and the plot-be-damned "Y" flourish. It's a match!


Yay, I can now forge trillion dollar checks at the Check Cashing place on 9th Street.

Dammit

Another two 5-letter words I wasn't psyched about seeing together.

Let's Kick the EADJ Mail Sack Out of Bed After Sex, Saying We Have a Big Meeting At Work Tomorrow!

Submitted by J'Net, a long and filthy email that she received when she was in college at Winthrop University in South Carolina (It's worth the read).