And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How to Host A Video Meeting on Zoom

Zoom meetings have become a vital part of work life now that the world is dealing with the Covid-19 pandemic. Here's how you can host your own video meeting on the popular and now essential app:

If you do not have the Zoom app installed, go to zoom.us and select "Host a Meeting" to start the installation. If you DO have the App installed, see below.

1) Open your Zoom app on your desktop and click Sign In.

2) Log in using the E-mail and password that you have created, or with Google(Gmail), Facebook, or Login with SSO. 

3) Click the downward arrow and select Start with video, then click New Meeting to start an instant meeting.

And speaking of "instant", if you're ever riding in my limo and want to make some coffee, go ahead and help yourself to the coffeemaker. But please don't leave a friggin' mess for me to clean up hours later. Do you know how hard it is to get real cream out of floor mats? Be safe, kids.

UAG

The Use of Dubstep Music in Advertising, An Essay Brought To You In Part By Utz

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What's Going On Here?

I spotted this threesome around 10pm in a New York City parking garage. This series of photos tells an incomplete story of two guys and one girl- who are they? How do they know each other? What are they talking about? Why haven't they shot at me yet?

Here now are several scenarios that we cooked up that attempt to explain who these three are:

• A young man named Chell goes on a date with his high school crush. He learns she does cocaine, so before he takes her to a club, they visited Chell's drug dealer cousin who works at a parking garage to score some coke so Chell can "score."

• Monica breaks up with Tristan when he fails to propose to her on their fifth year dating anniversary. She immediately dates an older boy, who proposes to her after only 3 weeks of dating. Monica and her new fiancé pay a visit to Tristan at his job at the parking garage to announce the engagement. Tristan plays it cool although it's breaking his fucking heart.

• Donovan is always protective of his sister Gwen and has a great sixth sense of which guys are bad for her. Gwen knows this and takes whatever boy she's dating to get a sense if he's worth dating. Their code is this: If Donovan has both feet down, the guy is solid. If he leans against a column and lifts one leg, however, the guy is probably either a irredeemable douchebag or a useless momma's boy.

• McMillen is a veteran cop who happens to just look young. He poses as an attendant at a parking garage adjacent to a known mob-owned restaurant to keep an eye on the low-level players to observe which ones are moving up in the organization. Here he is casually making small talk to mob enforcer Joe "Prosciutto" Panelli and his show-offy ditz girlfriend Candace. Rated R for violence and brief nudity.

• Seth is a clumsy, lovable bear of a guy who just wants to have a girlfriend. After hitting it off with a nice girl at a late night yogurt joint, he takes her to the aquarium, four bars, a dance club, one of those places where you can paint pottery, a fondue joint, and finally back to his car at a parking garage. Hector, the parking attendant, is about to tell Seth that the girl is a prostitute.

Project Hillbilly Teeth, Phase 4: Special Train Edition

(cue irritating banjo music)

Project Hillbilly Teeth continues, but before we dive into it, we should restate our mission objectives:

1) find business cards, luggage tags or junk mail that people have dropped in public places

2) retain these items to protect those innocent people from identity theft/fraud

3) mail them a confusing letter with some "Bubba" hillbilly teeth enclosed in the envelope

4) speculate on their delicious confusion

All three of the following entries took place on trains, train platforms or stations. The first one being a business card dropped by a representative of "International Speakers Bureau," a company that provides luminary speakers like Toby Keith (?), Ellen DeGeneres, Jimmy Buffett (!), and Anderson Cooper to give motivational speeches to corporations. Because nothing gets me more fired up about teamwork and making my sales quota than Jimmy Buffett.

For this one, I wrote to the nice lady pretending to be the President of the United Plumbers Pipefitter Association.

(Click to enlarge)

For our second entry, we found a luggage tag in the Amtrak terminal at New York Penn Station. 

The owner of this tag was most likely a business traveler, so we figured a nice letter to him from someone who could have possibly struck up a conversation with him on the train would be appropriate.

(Click to enlarge)

Lastly, on the 7 shuttle subway train, we found this ripped-in-half piece of mail:

Turns out it was a bill for an overdue balance for a subscription to Harper's Magazine. The person who ripped and littered this seemed to be interested in literature, politics, culture, finance, the arts, and not paying their magazine bills for months.

Rather than hector the subscriber about the overdue balance, I decided to take a different tack and screw up their day even more:

(Click to enlarge)

So I sealed up and mailed these bad boys and let the USPS take them where they may, like leaves on the Seine.

Drop it like it's hillbilly teeth.

I can only imagine how those lucky recipients looked wearing their newfound novelty teeth. Here now are an artist's renditions:

The business traveler by train who struck up an interesting conversation with a stranger:

The avid (but delinquent) Harper's Magazine subscriber/litterbug:

The celebrity public speaker representative:

And just for the hell of it, I did one with the President of the United Plumbers Pipefitter Association wearing hillbilly teeth, too.

(fade out irritating banjo music)

Let's Compare Yahoo Maps' Route To That of the EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted by Barry via text:

"When I saw a bowling alley arcade gift (1,250 points needed) this disturbing, I knew you had to see it.

Coming Soon To The EADJ Crappinema: "Unbeatable Harold"

I don't remember ever seeing Gladys Knight in a movie. So this might be the first time I ever see her acting.

Come to think of it, she must have played herself on "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" or "Facts Of Life" or some crap like that. But this has to be her first feature film role, right?


Here's hoping she doesn't just play herself or a lounge singer. That would be disappointing.

And is that Fonzie with a hunting rifle on the cover? Sweet!

SOON

All Hail!

Regally he strode along the super-steep course, with a monocle in his eye and a racing helmet under his arm. He opened a small brass box from the pocket of his baja assault pants and took a pinch of snuff. "Today is a great day for a very muddy and noisy race!" he proclaimed as trumpeteers signaled commencement of the Amp Xtreme 2010 Invitational.

Dumb YouTube Comment O' The Fortnight!

From a YouTube page featuring Michael McDonald doing a live performance of "What a Fool Believes," a comment by wabashcharlie:


"This is a such a beautiful, poignant song, especially if you've ever been a hopelessly optimistic "fool" like the one described in the song. Truly brilliant."