Upcoming YouTube Stars To Watch Out For

YouTube Star: M🐢NKY

Number of Followers: 56,904,255

Channel: Reaction videos of people doing amazing things like PARKING!

YouTube Star: KoomBatz

Number of Followers: 3,841,282

Channel: Prank videos where Koombatz predicts things happen but they don't. HILARIOUS!

YouTube Star: Krrrrrrrrrrla

Number of Followers: 567,355,632,116

Channel: Shocking videos where she reacts to amazing things like people paying bills and doing things for themselves.

YouTube Star: Gaslighter✉✉✉29✉✉✉

Number of Followers: 823,582,444

Channel: Gaslighter✉✉✉29✉✉✉ features crazy shit you can't handle. LIKE AUTOMATIC DOORS AND ESCALATORS. BWAHHHHHHHHHHH!

YouTube Star: Especial Dingus

Number of Followers: 5,435,936,233,943,121

Channel: Mostly shots of him trying to clean his desktop. Sometimes games.

YouTube Star: VALEREE🥔🥔🥔🥔🥔🥔🥔VAL

Number of Followers: 567,355,632,116

Channel: VALEREE🥔🥔🥔🥔🥔🥔🥔VAL tackles brain busters like mazes from children's placemats and Middle East peace talks

YouTube Star: DumbassMillennial

Number of Followers: 40,559,624,328,636,024

Channel: DumbassMillennial doesn't make commentary so much as make enthusiastic grunts whenever something he sees confuses him.

Some Hollywood Movies Based On A Pediatric Nurse's Scrubs

Hollywood is plumb out of ideas, so studios have turned to their next obvious resource for scripts was the scrubs of a pediatric nurse in Summit, NJ. Here now are some films currently in development:

"PALS" starring Joaquin Phoenix and Martin Lawrence

Two goofball friends-of-cops (but not cops themselves!) find themselves in a wacky citywide mystery when their cop roommates wind up dead at City Hall. Featuring Brent Spiner as the mayor.

"Me & You"

From the writers of "This Is Us", this romantic drama stars the kid from "Ready Player One" and that model chick from "Suicide Squad" who always looks pissed. Also starring Kristen Stewart as the perky older sister.

"Side-Kick"

Fan favorites Tonto and Robin come out from their partners' shadows to fight crime THEIR WAY! Starring Adam Beach as Tonto and Danny Pudi as Robin. Also featuring Jean Smart as Darkseid.

"U Me & Us"

From the writers of "This Is Us", this romantic drama stars Eva Longoria, Teri Hatcher, Nicollette Sheridan and Marcia Cross. THIS IS NOT A DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES REUNION.

"DAWG!" starring Randy Jackson

This loosely-based-on-reality film follows American Idol judge Randy Jackson as he discovers a world of things that are going to be a "no" for him. Directed by Spike Jonze.

"BFF" starring Jacob Tremblay, Mackenzie Foy and Caleb McLaughlin

Nostalgia time! This 80s childhood comedy-drama-coming of age story follows three friends who share a watering hole during their last summer together. Featuring the music of Debbie Gibson, Tiffany, Howard Jones and Oingo Boingo. It directs itself.

EADJ Presents: Favorite Dishes To Accompany Backhanded Compliments

This blog is all about culture. We track furniture trends, the newest dating apps and sometimes what gourmet dishes are best served with withering backhanded compliments. Here now are the latest and greatest delicious entrees along with the passive aggressively unkind things one could hear while enjoying:

Lemon Dill Chicken with Brown Rice / "I love how you don't obsess about how you look."

Pineapple Jalapeno Cod with Broccoli / "You're pretty cool for a Jew!"

Salmon Teriyaki over Brown Rice / "You're the only one out of all of us who never got married. How'd you do it?"

Lemon Dill Shrimp with Asparagus & Rice / "That wasn't the worst sex I've ever had."

Chicken Vindaloo with Jasmine Rice / "Good game. I tore a ligament last week, but you won fair and square."

Meatball Arrabiatta Angel Hair Spaghetti / "Good job winning the account. I can't believe you pulled it off."

General Tso's Chicken over Brown Rice / "It never would have worked out between you two– he's a model and rich and all that, and you're you."

Cod over Pesto Cous Cous with Asparagus / "Sure, I'd fuck you if I were drunk."

UAG

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week of Whatever Week This Is

Here are this week's least trending shitty hashtags for your nonuse in your Twitter feed:

#donaldtrumpplan

#orgasmregret

#joybeharsfineass

#raceriotmarketing

#anotherwordforzamboni

#donkeykongonplaystation4

#skippingStarWarsthisdecember

#dropsofjupiterukelelecoverbyme

#destroyingkaitlynjennerspussy

#stevenseagalssnapchataccount

#acingmyexamsbystudyingandnotbeingonsocialmedia

UAG

Lazy lazy lazy lazy lazy.

The Infection Has Spread To Suburban New Jersey

Hey Joel / Where You Going With That Dick In Your Hand

Joel once released a box set of journals of his dick-eating escapades. In them, he documented his musings and theories of why he loves dining on penis so much. He even included some pencil sketches of his more memorable meals.

Unfortunately, the price of the journals ($429.99 each) was cost prohibitive to his dozen fans, and Joel never made a dime. What's worse, Joel has yet to pay the $5159.88 Discover Card bill that he has from that trip to Kinko's. Boingggg!

Meanwhile, J.K. Rowling uses rolls of $1000 bills as tampons.

(pictured above, Jeanette's maternal instinct misguides her to the doggie dress section at Target)