Let's Get Ready To Say Goodbye To Things That Marketers Want Us To Say Goodbye To!

 More of advertising's least creative headline format:

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!

Don't Shop on Amazon if You Can Help It

But if you have to, make sure you order groceries on Amazon Fresh. Otherwise you're buying from some random seller and get it shipped like this in the mail:

 

Some Crowdfunded Projects That Just Got Greenlit

Thanks to suckers investors like you, Kickstarter has helped this entrepreneurs get these new projects off the ground and onto shelves:

• Dehydrated Cheez-Its: just add water!

• A mattress that jerks you off at different speeds. What's your sleep number?

• The Wheel™

• Laser bread slicer for geeks who don't care about the safety of their children

• Suffering-flavored Tang

• Miniature cabbage you can grow in your ear

• A high-end shoebox that can hold your high-end coupons for high-end groceries

• Another fucking device for you to keep up with

• Instagram filter that makes you look like you're not a shitty attention-seeking Instagrammer

EADJ Reaches A Milestone Today

Well, shit. Here are the tags we were going to use in the near future, which we can't now:

Gelatinous cube

Gesticulations

Marty Stuart

Let’s Active

Joists

Buju Banton

UAG

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Netflix This Month

Due to contract changes, the following movies and TV shows will be removed from Netflix this week:

• Massaging Bobby Flay

• Dr. Pitbull Popper

• Was ist das an meinem Hals? (What Is On My Neck?)

• Pawn Shop Janitor Wars

• Whiny Rich Real Estate Fuckbois

• Star Wars: Minor Character Retcon Prequel

The following movies and TV shows will be added to Netflix this week:

• Klan Wives

• Shitting On The Dock of the Bay

• Gastrointestinal Singles

• Arthur Miller's "Crucible" Modernized And Made Unwatchable

• Bozark

• Tinkling the Glockenspiel

• We Interview Porn Stars While Pretending To Listen To Them