Saying Goodbye To 2025 and Other Things Advertisers Want You To Say Goodbye To!

Goodbye! Goodbye! *Kiss* So Long! Goodbye!

Kickstarter's Funded and Failed Projects, April 2022

The following Kickstarter campaigns were the most successful crowdfunding campaigns for this month:  

• Toddler clothes for adults to wear while they're using coloring books for adults

• Digital bladeless pizza cutter

• Luggage that grunts when you sit on it to close the zipper when it's overpacked

• A DVD box set of Guardians of the Galaxy films with all of Groot's dialogue replaced with Beastie Boys' Ad Rock saying "DRRROPP?"

The following Kickstarter campaigns were the least successful crowdfunding campaigns of this month: 

• Tap shoes for goths

• Cold sore cream that smells like former White House Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney's asshole

• Titty lathe

• Eco-friendly disposable water bottles that actually break down after 30 million years

• Cat belts

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

Alright, CKO Kickboxing, A Few Things:

1) That's not an octagon. If anything, it's kind of a "barn" shape.

2) UFC rules prohibit any foreign objects like tables, chairs or miniature parking decks in the octagon.

3) When kids kept in the kiddie octagon can CLEARLY see their parents violently kicking something nearby, don't you think they'll try kicking each other?

4) How am I supposed to get a good look at your merch on the wall when I'm being distracted by toddlers kicking the shit out of each other in the throat?

Piss-Awful Vegas Act #1

It's time to play "That's Funny Cuz!"

That's funny,cuz...

*** UPDATE *** Eat a Dick Joel has now reached 150 entries! We'd like to thank Joel Thomas for the opportunity and for giving us so much to work with. "Eat a dick" to all who helped get us here! Excelsior!

Flea market, Montgomery! It's just like, it's just like, a minidick.

Joel spent President's Day tooling around the house scratching his now-defined pecs.

Later in the afternoon, neighbors in the complex complained of the smell when Joel decided to try grilling bologna and dick with vinegar on his porch. Noise complaints were also filed when Joel started cranking his Saigon Kick albums. Joel almost got arrested when he refused to turn it down until the last verse of "Spanish Rain" was done. Police, as usual, let him off with a stern warning.

Mrs. Betterham next door tried to start a conversation with him about her favorite soap, "Wicked Wicked Games." Either social awkwardness or painful memories of the botched screenplay prevented Joel from engaging with her. He instead stared at her pale, pendulous breasts hanging low in front of her belly, swaying lazily every time she shifted weight onto another foot. He asked her if she had a son or nephew nearby. Or anyone with dick.

Joel spent the rest of the day alone.

(pictured above, Joe Baran provides a visual balance to his incandescent forehead)