New Products Announced at This Year's Consumer Electronics Show

The Consumer Electronics Show (CES) in Las Vegas is the industry's leading showcase for premiering devices, hardware and peripherals for consumers. 

Here are most exciting announcements from the 5 day show: 

• a scanner that your grandma can easily operate whenever you're around but can't when you're not

• Sony's new tablet that automatically connects your bank account to a Sony account

• a restaurant table device that you can pay your check with, except this time it's even MORE filthy!

• a clothes dryer that GIVES you a random sock whenever your do a load

• AI powered refrigerators that won't open if they don't like how you're talking to your wife

• a wearable digital thingie that looks stupid as fuck but also is kind of pointless and expensive

• Samsung's revolutionary all-digital Butter Churn 2.0

• a handy taser for police that automatically tases anyone who's filming the incident

The ProofrEADJer: Mid-June Edition

These next two from the non-editor of "DC & Marvel Life":

"HE'VE"? LOL

Spotted on Packaging For an Electronic "Flaming" Lamp

"The dancing flames are like elves in the dark night." How poetic. But I don't remember seeing elves in The Dark Knight, do you?

We Asked A Man With His Head Squeezed Between A Woman's Thighs The Difference Between Antipasto and Charcuterie

"Good question! It's simple, really. Antipasto platters... uh... coff coff coff... include a variety... ouch... a varie... variety of flavors... No, not now... and textures, while... *gag*... charcuterie boards... (pant pant) charcuterie boards... focus primarily... oh god... on cured meats. Does that answer your questi...." *neck breaks*

Hey, Whattaya Say We Say Goodbye To All The Shit That Marketers Want Us To Say Goodbye To?

Bye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!

Today We Asked A Man With His Head Squeezed Between A Woman's Thighs To Explain The Process of Rotogravure

"Great question... *gah* I...ow.. I bet you're asking because of...GAH... because of that song "Easter Parade", right? LOL (choke)... Well, rotogravure is a printing sys... no, my neck... system using a rotary press with... no...  intaglio cylinders ACKKKK! typically running at, uh, high speed and m...mmm... (breathes desperately) used for long print runs of magazines and sta... sta... stamps. Whew! *dies*

UAG

UAG