An Imagined Conversation: Things the Photographer Said To the Models of Depend Packaging

The following are things the photographer probably told the Depend undergarment models during the photoshoot:

"Okay, now give me DryShield! Give me Odorblock! Yes! Yes!"

"That's it. Now lift your chin and point it in the same direction as your bulge. Perfect!"

"Slay, king! Give me more! You're gonna be on the XL packaging, you know! Act like it!"

"Okay, now look like you've walked in on your fiancée who found your Depends and you're not a little turned on by that. Yes! EXACTLY that expression!"

Happy Independence Day from Eat a Dick Joel!

To all the Independent Women (and Men) Pt. 1, we at EADJ wish you a happy and safe July 4.

Fun random factoid:

In Destiny’s Child's 1999 song “Independent Women Pt. 1” for the Charlie’s Angels soundtrack, during the bridge, they’re actually singing the melody to Blondie’s “Rapture”. 

Bridge starts at 2:55

Happy July 4th From Eat A Dick Joel

We hope you enjoy your day off at a barbecue or a pool and perhaps get some sleep tonight although some asshole neighbors of yours will invariably keep setting off fireworks past 3am. Enjoy!

A Few More Unused, Terrible Porn Names

Okay, so you've run away from home, quit your job at Qdoba, packed two tank tops and a tube of toothpaste in a gym bag and jumped on a Greyhound to the Valley to make it big as an adult film star. But you forgot two important things: your dental dam and a marketable PORNSTAR NAME!

Well, we at EADJ are here to provide you with a name you can be proud of as you either ejaculate on a stranger or have a stranger ejaculate on you. Here are two helpful lists (hers and his) that you can consider for your next big break in the biz:

HER:

Urethra Franklin (courtesy of Emily Kane)

Ureter Moreno

Sarah Draftinhere

Tits Romney

Pisstina Applegape

Humpkin Spice Twattay

Anna Tomicallycorrect

Phyllis Holerighthere

Alluva Cox

Lilly Hammered

Betty Cumsfirst

HIM:

Junk Dilla

Tucker Boner

Jack Kinghoff Yurdad

Takina Dumpf

Insurance Claude

Jean-Michele Scrota

Pvt. Partz

Phil Anderer

Otto Correct

Bruce D. Ego

Reck Tal

Darius Fucker

20 Things That Are Cuter Than Ariana Grande

Pop star Ariana Grande will have you believe that she's the cutest, dimpliest, most adorable thing on the planet. Here, however, are twenty things in existence that are actually cuter than Ariana Grande, much to her chagrin:

1. Pigs in a blanket with baby corn next to it

2. Baby otters holding hands while floating on their backs

3. Pikachu

4. Pug puppies

5. Dewey from "Malcolm In The Middle"

6. Dwarf weddings

7. Ringbearers at dwarf weddings

8. Mini corn muffins

9. The Build A Bear Workshop hold music

10. The one guy in One Direction who doesn't look like he's wearing a wig backwards

11. U.S. Supreme Court Justice Stephen G. Breyer

12. Luxembourg

13. Kittens (every breed)

14. Mini Vaseline tubs

15. That new rolling droid in the "Star Wars: The Force Awakens" teaser trailer

16. Mexican children

17. Kermit's nephew Robin

18. My wife when she tries to suppress a sneeze

19. The word "eke"

20. Newborn Hobbits with tufts of hair on their tiny feet

Suck it, Ariana! Eke!

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