Bergdorf Goodman, Are You Okay?

Spotted in some ad banners for the historic luxury department store (these are real):

My only explanation for this is that Bergdorf Goodman, in order to stay relevant to its wealthy audience, has pivoted to supplying all of their Eyes Wide Shut-style Fidelio parties.

No idea what that green Slimer-from-Ghostbusters-thing-with-a-front-butt is at the top, though.

Surprises From Last Week's VidCon

VidCon 2024 has wrapped up, and the industry's leading forum for content creators and. influencers provided lots of surprises to fans and the press. Some highlights:

• Ciabatta Bot used A.I. to make everyone ciabattas.

• Front Dump performed a cover of Gracie Abramss' "I Should Hate You"

• The Diarrhea Sisters gave out free samples

• Jake Paul got knocked out by a Dyson vacuum cleaner

• Khaby Lame appeared to scores of bowing, adoring fans while being carried on a golden palanquin

• Computer generated A.I. hologram influencer ▓▒░█▄■ absorbed a teenage boy and became flesh

Happy Halloween From All of Us at EADJ

We hope you have a great time taking your smaller kids trick or treating at 2pm when it's still light out and another great time giving candy out to teenagers from one town over trick or treating without costumes at 1am.

So You Want To Get Into ________________

Hello, welcome to geekdom! I see you're interested in getting into a geeky franchise. How about Lord of the Rings? 

Yeah, looks a little daunting with four main books turned into six extended movies plus the extra Tolkien books and the new Amazon TV show. How about Star Wars, then?

Oh jeez. That's even more challenging, with like at least 10 feature films and multiple seasons of TV shows and a full-on library of both Canon and what's called "Legends" books. Say, how about Marvel?

Oh right. With a lifetime of comic books and over 69 hours of movies to watch (not even counting the multiple Disney+, ABC and Netflix shows), you'll never catch up. 

Say, how about just reading Ziggy comic strips, then?

This Week In Failed Kickstarter Projects

Here are the latest crowdfunded projects that failed to meet their financial goals:

• A small, handsome derby for beetles which they can tip when they meet each other in public

• Dung-based burger patties

• Alcoholic Capri-Suns shaped like tits (for adults only)

• Alcoholic Ring Pops shaped like dicks (for adults only)

• a dumb custom car horn for Jeeps that's just someone yelling "JEEP!"

• an unauthorized biography of actor Robert Duvall that's actually authorized

• inedible panties

• "Hardworking Susan" - a raised table platform for food that does NOT turn

UAG

The ProofrEADJer: August Edition

The ProofrEADJer: June Edition

Here Are Your Job Numbers

Greetings, all. Sorry we haven't been able to share these sooner, but the last-minute reschedule of client presentations and Sheryl's baby shower in the Fishbowl have delayed the collection of these job codes. Please use these numbers instead of the ones given back in April:

76552 - Metadata Meeting

84944 - Social and Digital Extension Brainstorm

93411 - Discussion of Enterprise vs. Millennium Falcon

50567 - Faking Timesheets

10092 - Dollar Store Spending Spree courtesy of Petty Cash

88294 - Teaching the I.T. Guy How To Kiss

39231 - Smoke Break (No Vapes)

28221 - Comparing Your Leather Jacket To The CEO's

58994 - Explaining To H.R. Why the Term "Titty Twister" Isn't Offensive

20246 - Pushing Your Amway Shit In Conference Room B

49328 - Furious Argument Over Who Keeps Stealing The Kitchen's Honey

90032 - Fainting

18231 - Audit of Sally's Workout Clothes While She's At Lunch

54930 - Vomiting Again

Yippee-Pathmark, Motherfucker

American Banner Was Disappointed With The Election

American Banner was disappointed with the election.

Liberals like Mailbox Lid was ecstatic, however.

VCR Buttons was still undecided.

 Burned Down House had bigger problems.

Backing Packaging Board was amused by the turnout.

Target Shopping Cart lost his shit.

Public Phone stood waiting for a cab.

Underside of High Chair Tray was enthused by Obama's second term.

Pylon Light lamented the death of a once great country.

Central Park Column #1 was glad the political ads were off the air.

Central Park Column #2 didn't even know there was an election.

Soda Can Opener was appalled by Central Park Column #2's ignorance.

 

Church Lights wondered how Mitt Romney screwed it up so bad.

 

Coffee Cup was hopeful of new bipartisan cooperation in Congress (submitted by Andrew Gall).

 

Oaklyn Fire Department Coat of Arms wasn't as optimistic.

Headphones felt all warm and happy inside.

 

Taxi Cab CB Receiver wanted Newt Gingrich all along.

 

Small Town Building grumbled in a corner.

 

Steering Wheel Settings realized he should have voted.

 

Salmon Salad With Two Dressings For Some Reason felt a third major political party should be formed.

 

Parking Kiosk got shitfaced.

 

Two Baby Bottles On A Drying Towel felt horrible for Ann Romney.

 

Bathroom Organizers laughed that the results didn't make a difference in the long run.