More Dumb Taglines For A Forgotten Movie That Sounded Terrible Anyway

UAG

New Perks Just Added To the AMC Stubs Rewards Program!

If you're a card carrying member of AMC's Stubs Rewards, you already know all the magic and fun to be had at your local movie theatre just by flashing your membership card or keychain fob. But here are even more benefits you can expect at your next trip to the movies:

• Popcorn that turns your poop yellow

• Free novelization of the movie you're watching to read while we repair the projector

• Slow ride

• Take it easy

• Our dockmaster will scrape the barnacles off your skiff for half off

• Emoji subtitles for the young 'uns

• $500 back for every ticket purchased (carryover from MoviePass business model)

• If you bring your own projector and the picture is actually clearer than ours, we'll allow it

• Free extra cry with any Pixar movie

• Shannon won't bother you anymore

• Free refill of Vanilla Coke. In fact, take it all. Shit's gross.

• Free admission to any Kevin Spacey, Louis C-K or Bill Cosby movie

The ProofrEADJer: Mid-June Edition

Somehow It's Time Again To Play "Which Can, Erickson?"

(click to enlarge)

Match the toilets with their location. The icon of different type of cloud has been included as a hint for you meteorologically inclined:

• Rio Restaurant, Union NJ (Cumulus)

• SeaWorld, Orlando FL (Cumulonimbus)

• NJ Transit Train (Altocumulus)

• Red Lobster, Laurel MD (Stratus)

• Hamilton on Broadway, Richard Rodgers Theatre, NYC (Cirrus)

• Tijuana Picnic, NYC (Stratocumulus)

The answers will be posted tomorrow! Good luck!

Overbagged!

Spotted at Madison Square Garden, a woman carrying everything she's ever owned lumbers along for the train.

Spotted On the Subway

A lady happily eating her ham sandwich, reading Sunday comics and listening to tunes with her mp3 player between her boobs.

Bilbo Baggage

In every airport baggage claim area, I've noticed there's always one weird, plaid-patterned plastic bag that gets dumped out on the carousel. What the fuck?


What's in that stupid thing? Food? Laundry? Shitty electronics?


I don't even know where to buy one of those bags. Dollar stores? Talbots? (Yeah, Talbot's stores, that's a burn.) Still, the people who travel with those things fascinate me.


Now what's in the bucket? Hey! You with that stupid bag, come back! Aww man, this is the worst EADJ entry ever!

Joel Takes a Stand on His Knees.

With celebrities like Rachael Ray and Tommy Lasorda pitching everything from duffel bags to blue cheese douches, Joel realized it was time for him parlay his notoriety to endorse some products he believes in.

Among these:

The Velour Loincloth by Dazzel®. Sparkly and sheer, even in the darkest of nightclubs. It lifts for easy access to dick, with handy velcro corners to keep the flap up while your going down. $44.99 at Structure.

The Stadium Buddy, Senior Golden Years Edition. Just like the common Stadium Buddy, but leakier and easier to use while always flaccid. Also reeks of "Grandma's Attic." $29.99

Dick Plus™. All the taste and texture of regular dick, but with added vitamins and minerals. $22.99 for a six pack at GNC.

Pelican Wings. Tasty barbecued wings of actual pelicans? Why? Fuck it! Available at Wing City and Domino's Pizzas. $4.99 with purchase of a medium pizza. Offer good through Sept 30. No subsitutions.

(pictured above, not every school in Connecticut is Yale)