Spotted at an AirBnb in Detroit

A dog butthole by Roberto Borboa

Hawaii Roof Was Nervous.

 

Hawaii Roof was nervous.

Workout Machine couldn't bear to look.

Electric Meter Camel smiled upside down.

Side of House was scandalized.

And Detergent Jugs all sat in silent judgment.

Spotted on FB

The description at the bottom:

"Sexy maid outfit can be worn to clean your house."

"Can be". Would also help if the person wearing the outfit were able or willing to clean your house. Dressing up a dog as a bear doesn't make it suddenly a bear, ya dig?

Dog Park Missed Connections

The following Missed Connections were posted by dogs that visited the Bucks County Core Creek Dog Park in Langhorne, PA:

You: the black Pomeranian

Me: the dark brown Lab

Howdy, pardner! You seemed as frisky as a bucking bronco when your owner unhooked your leash! We should chase squirrels together and see what happens!

You: the Rottweiler

Me: the other Rottweiler

I know I could kick your ass.

You: the noble Yorkshire terrier

Me: the Irish setter with ants in his pants

Hey Yorky (I hope you don't mind me calling you that)! You seemed detached from all the running/barking action at the park. I think we could be chase-the-ball buddies! Whaddaya say, friend?

You: the wheezing bulldog

Me: the snorting pug

We both seem to be having breathing problems due to over-breeding. We should hang out, like go to a movie or play or something.

Dog Park Missed Connections

The following Missed Connections were posted by dogs that visited the Bucks County Core Creek Dog Park in Langhorne, PA:

You: The cute Akita with TWO flea collars

Me: The dark but mysterious Borzoi

You saw me watching you, Akita. Let's get it on next time. Catcha later!

You: The shaggy Newfoundland with the rubber bone (LOL!)

Me: The mixed Lab/Collie with the one blue eye

I felt a connection between us when we shared the water bowl. Do you like Milkbones?

You: The Shetland Sheepdog

Me: The unmissably loud Westie

Hi! My name is Walter! I bark like this all the time! SEE YOU LATER DUDE!

You: The two pissy Bloodhounds

Me: The Boxer with the runs

You two dudes seemed to pee everywhere like you owned the place. That was awesome! Let's hang out!

Dog Park Missed Connections

The following Missed Connections were posted by dogs that visited the Bucks County Core Creek Dog Park in Langhorne, PA:

You: The half Pug with the limp (or strut?)

Me: The Border Collie chasing that leaf

Heeeey! I think we made a connection over by the poop trash can! I'm new in town! You wanna grab coffee later? Bye!

You: The Boston Terrier with the leather collar

Me: The shy Maltese

I never do these types of things, but you caught my eye and I noticed you still have your balls. Call me?

You: the Cockapoo

Me: the Pomsky

Hello! We mixed breeds should hang out and possibly invent some new breeds! (Is that too forward?)

Received in an Email Today

An ad for a decision making yes/no coin:

I mean, it's pretty, but aren't all coins decision making yes/no coins?

Dog Park Missed Connections

The following Missed Connections were posted by dogs that visited the Bucks County Core Creek Dog Park in Langhorne, PA:

You: the limping Beagle

Me: the other limping Beagle

Hey man. I noticed we were both limping. Was yours because of a snapping turtle? Look me up, bro

You: the Chug (Chihuahua + Pug)

Me: Whoodle (Poodle + Wheaten Terrier)

Hey. I noticed that you too are a freak of nature, made solely for the amusement of our sadistic owners. Let's plan a jailbreak next weekend, yeah?

You: the howling Mexican Hairless

Me: the austere Borzoi

Lord, I am so sick of my owner asking me who's a good boy. Like I fucking know. Maybe you know? I'd love to sit down with you over a bowl of water and pick your brain. Call me!

Dog Park Missed Connections

The following Missed Connections were posted by dogs that visited the Bucks County Core Creek Dog Park in Langhorne, PA:

You: The too-cool-for-school Sheltie, walking around the main playground rather than running through it

Me: The half Boxer/Collie who had sniffed your butt already at the entrance but wanted to sniff more

Call me when you want to get together. No, wait. Neither of us have phones. :(

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You: The yappy Chihuahua 

Me: The yappy Pomeranian 

Hey dude you seem pretty cool dude we should totally meet up sometime and hang out dude you know what I mean I don't want to sound too pushy but I got a good vibe from you dude and we should totally hang out that would be cool dude don't you think okay see you later dude bye

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You: That white dog

Me: The half blind Doberman

Hey there white dog. I can't see too good at my age but I remember your color. You were smallish and white and smelled delicious. Hit me up when you get this– I'm pretty hungry white dog

UAG

More Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Watched

"This... make... no... SENSE..."

"Charles wanted my mini waffle on a stick, but he'd have to work harder to get that."

"I TOLD YOU TO SWEEP UP THE CRUMBS IN THE KITCHEN. NOW LOOK"

"She was the one with the yellow umbrella. Which she promptly shoved into your chest."

(translated from Italian) "I don't know if I'm supposed to be a teacher or a student here, but I'm definitely violating the dress code."

"Tee hee! Communists share everything!"

"Fuck, I remember these. This used to be a HoJo."

"Did you catch that pop culture reference meant for adults?"

"Nooooo!"

"You farted. I saw how you leaned in your seat."

"Leave me alone, you relentless bullies!"

"Sorry not sorry, bitches." *shoots gun*