The Latest Funded Kickstarter Projects

Crowdsourcing site Kickstarter has announced their latest successfully funded projects. Here are the products and projects that got the green light:

• noiseless flip flops that ultimately are no fun now

• miniature baby leopards that are like regular baby leopards in every way except that they're incredibly racist against the Dutch

• a squeezable dictionary that really doesn't want you to squeeze it

• whimsical fake mustaches that hide your very real canker sores

• STAB-SAVR: a handy budgeting app that saves you cents on the dollar every time you stab someone

The Latest Crowdfunded Projects on Kickstarter

The following projects have successfully met their crowdfunding goals for this week on Kickstarter:

• A kitchen device that 3D prints and cooks lasagna that also nags its adult children why they aren't married yet

• A dog-whistle dog whistle that only racist dogs can hear

• Cargo pants that can hold a laptop, an iPad, two Xbox controllers and seven of Mom's White Claws stolen from the fridge

• A smooth, tapered podcast microphone that conservative podcast bros can shove up their ass

• A web-enabled rosary that posts a tweet every time you say a Hail Mary or an Our Father

Kickstarter Projects That Failed To Meet Their Funding Goal

The following crowdfunding campaigns were the least successful this month:

• A high protein drink made exclusively of hangnails bitten off by nervous students

• A special edition "flip and fuck" for celibate people

• Specially angled square rigged sails that allow navigators of tall ships to FINALLY sail upwind at angles closer than 60 degrees

• Skateboards with sensors that warn you when cops, Karens or kids who can skate better than you are nearby

• The Gräfenberg spot cleaner

Kickstarter's Newest Crowdfunded Projects

Kickstarter has announced another round of projects on their website that have successfully met crowdfunded goals. Here are the latest greenlit offerings:

• A tape measure that second guesses itself

• A gas-powered label maker for people who want to label things but don't want it to be too convenient

• Gummi Pringles

• A Kerry Washington memorabilia container to hold all the Kerry Washington memorabilia you've collected over the last few Kerry Washington years

• Hypoallergenic makeup for your 7 year old beauty pageant contestant who is just not applying herself and is GOING TO FUCKING LOSE AGAIN THIS YEAR

• A cheaper, easier crowdfunding website that puts Kickstarter to shame! (Update: CANCELLED)

The Latest Kickstarter Projects That Failed To Get Funded

Sometimes crowdfund projects fail to make their goals. Here are the latest Kickstarter projects that succeeded in failing:

• Comically large gynecological speculum

• Popemobile truck nuts

• Home decor that says "LIVE LAUGH LUBRICATE"

• MONOPOLY, Bitcoin Version

• Powdered shampoo? Who knows.

• Little booties for newborn shrimp

• A special bumper sticker that only Cyclops from the X-Men can read that says "HONK IF YOU LOVE JEAN GREY"

More Failed Crowdfund Projects

The following projects on Kickstarter recently failed to collect enough crowdfund money:

• an email bot that answers all your spam emails asking to learn more

• environmentally UNfriendly toilet paper made from styrofoam and pre-consumer materials

• a remote control that can summon "In Between" actor Kyle Allen

• a bird feeder that whispers your bank's ABA number to them

• plant-based leather assless chaps for your mother

• collaborative software that also bakes ziti

• a coin purse shaped like a turd. Wait, someone made that already?

• off-brand Sprite that isn't named Sprite for obvious reasons

• a fleshlight that gets clingy after you're done

This Week In Failed Kickstarter Projects

Here are the latest crowdfunded projects that failed to meet their financial goals:

• A small, handsome derby for beetles which they can tip when they meet each other in public

• Dung-based burger patties

• Alcoholic Capri-Suns shaped like tits (for adults only)

• Alcoholic Ring Pops shaped like dicks (for adults only)

• a dumb custom car horn for Jeeps that's just someone yelling "JEEP!"

• an unauthorized biography of actor Robert Duvall that's actually authorized

• inedible panties

• "Hardworking Susan" - a raised table platform for food that does NOT turn

The Latest Failed Crowdfunded Projects on Kickstarter

Here now are this week's crowdfund projects that unfortunately did not make their funding goal:

• A kitchen counter composter that takes your vegetables and turns them into fertilizer pellets– literally a live rabbit

• A weighted blanket that weighs you down with guilt

• A DUI device that makes your breath smell like you've been eating ass instead of drinking

• Vape cigars that make you look like a heavyweight douche

• Samma doppa yumma tatcha YOON YOON (description is unclear)

• Inedible panties

• Checkers except the pieces are live miniature turtles painted white and black and the checkerboard is made of flattened lettuce and we don't really have any idea of this is going to work

• Legwarmers for subway sandwiches

• Monocles for sophisticated cyclopses

Kickstarter Projects That Didn't Get Off The Ground

The following Kickstarter campaigns were the least successful crowdfunding campaigns of the month:

• MEAT SPINDLE -  a toilet paper spindle made out of delicious gyro lamb/beef meat

• Painted Clams - colorful painted clamshells that contain prizes and holiday cheer (not limited to Thanksgiving)

• Toothpaste bukakke - no description necessary

• Small pieces of cardboard cut especially for breakdancing mice

• A book compiling 50,000 love letters sent to Darla from "Our Gang" that were never sent

• A stapler that yells "JEFF EPSTEIN DIDN'T KILL HIMSELF" whenever used

Here Are The Latest Successfully Funded Kickstarter Projects

Kickstarter has helped hundreds of small businesses get off the ground through the magic of crowdfunding. Here now are the latest projects that have successfully received enough funding:

• Pogs made from Naan bread

• Feet for pajamas without feet so that they're pajamas with feet 

• Piñatas in the shape of those motherfuckers at "Shark Tank" that didn't fund your last business idea

• A women's magazine that's written in the voice of your last scuzzy boyfriend

• A radical drink holder for skateboarders

• A yoga book that shows people putting off yoga class for another week

• Sarcastic stop signs

Some Crowdfunded Projects That Just Got Greenlit

Thanks to suckers investors like you, Kickstarter has helped this entrepreneurs get these new projects off the ground and onto shelves:

• Dehydrated Cheez-Its: just add water!

• A mattress that jerks you off at different speeds. What's your sleep number?

• The Wheel™

• Laser bread slicer for geeks who don't care about the safety of their children

• Suffering-flavored Tang

• Miniature cabbage you can grow in your ear

• A high-end shoebox that can hold your high-end coupons for high-end groceries

• Another fucking device for you to keep up with

• Instagram filter that makes you look like you're not a shitty attention-seeking Instagrammer

Kickstarter's Funded and Failed Projects, 2021

The following Kickstarter campaigns were the most successful crowdfunding campaigns of 2021:

• GUUS: the cell phone for geese

• Reshoes: shoes made from recycled shoes

• Yeatstinguisher: a one-of-a-kind extinguisher that puts out fires with the poetry of William Butler Yeats

• Teeny-beerer: whimsical working party keg for teenagers

• Kickstarter Scam: the Board Game- simulates you screwing people over with bogus Kickstarter campaigns

The following Kickstarter campaigns were the least successful crowdfunding campaigns of 2021:

• The Asimov Foundation: sci-fi makeup that makes your skin resemble that of the legendary Isaac Asimov

• Cumbucha

• Leafbeaters: vegan tank tops

• Hipster money clip #4,833,928

• Remote controlled toupee

This Week's Newest Kickstarter Campaigns!

Kickstarter thinks you should support small business. And one way you can do that is by helping fund some businesses that are trying to get off the ground. Here are the latest crowdfunding hopefuls:

• a hardcore punk band that unironically sings corporate anthems (available for corporate team building events)

• used diaper bin/house plant fertilizer/house pet recycler

• backup fire extinguisher (fire extinguisher companies HATE this)

• salmon Oreos

• innovative printer that requires no toner but still costs $15/page

• CrossFit booties for your gerbils so you can take them with you on Iron Man competitions

New Funding Projects Now on Kickstarter

Every business needs money to get started. And the good folks at Kickstarter have announced the latest new ventures looking for funding from you. Feel free to chip in to help these business ideas get off the ground:

• Shampoo that smells like someone came in your hair

• Full body lobster bibs

• Electronic gigolo that keeps Alexa company when you're away

• Rat jerky for survivalists

• Tires made from recycled shoes made from recycled tires

• Punch in the ribs delivery service

• Amazing optical illusions that will actually blind you permanently

The Newest Hot Crowdfunding Projects on Kickstarter

Want to get on the ground floor of a potentially great new product? Or do you just like to fund something with no guarantees because you like to live dangerously? Well, here are the newest Kickstarters projects you can help fund:

•  Illustrated trading cards of your favorite local drug dealers with phone numbers

• A device that pops when you ask it nicely to pop

• Coupons for "giving a shit" that you can give to your relatives

• An ABS WASHBOARD. You've heard of washboard abs– well, this is an actual washboard with an AB texture on it! Hilarious, right? Hey, where you going?

• Nipple clamps that look like Arthur from the Nickelodeon show

• A VR headset that simulates you actually getting into a club for once

• Dog dildos. Not dildos for dogs, but dildos that are shaped like dogs. Never mind. The FBI is on their way.

• A hairdryer that tells you you're running late and have already missed 15 minutes of the goddamned recital, Samantha. Jesus.

New Projects At Kickstarter!

Kickstarter has helped hundreds of unique, innovative products that simply needed funding to get off the ground. Here are this week's newest crowdfunding projects:

• genetically modified oranges with mouths that recite words that spell with "orange"

• Finally, an organic, vegan, 100% recycled, sustainable, allergen-free, kid-and-pet-friendly, American-manufactured, non-toxic, easy-to-install, small-batch-produced, customizable, biodegradable, easy to carry, uh... what were we talking about?

• 100% STEEL PRETZELS

• A workout device that looks like a Thighmaster and works like a Thighmaster but is totally not a Thighmaster

• Weighted blankets! Oh, they make those already? Shit.

• A spatula/sexual device that's easy to clean between uses

• 3D printer that print giant, dimensional Powerpoint slides for a real WOW factor during presentations

• Soy-based anger

• Special water-based paint on puppies' fur so that they can advertise your shitty business with QR codes

• Multi-frequency Angela detector that can find the nearest Angela in your area

UAG