A DoorDash Notice

I did a quick Google Image search of "Stalin" and "McDonald's" and found these:

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Here Are The Latest Successfully Funded Kickstarter Projects

Kickstarter has helped hundreds of small businesses get off the ground through the magic of crowdfunding. Here now are the latest projects that have successfully received enough funding:

• Pogs made from Naan bread

• Feet for pajamas without feet so that they're pajamas with feet 

• Piñatas in the shape of those motherfuckers at "Shark Tank" that didn't fund your last business idea

• A women's magazine that's written in the voice of your last scuzzy boyfriend

• A radical drink holder for skateboarders

• A yoga book that shows people putting off yoga class for another week

• Sarcastic stop signs

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EADJ Fashion Roundup: "Brace Yourself, Winter Is Leaving" Edition

Goodbye, hideous winter coats. Hello, hideous spring ensembles.

Don regretted cutting in front of Wolverine in line to the bathroom.

Despite the fact that Grace festooned herself in a shiny gold fur-lined rain jacket and rubbers to show she had money, she still couldn't catch a cab to save her life (I guess even cabbies have taste).

Is that a furry Cinnabon, or did a giant furry falcon take a big furry dump on this woman's head? You'd think that turd would slide right off the back of that Teflon coat.

Dance your cares away,
Worry's for another day.
Let the music play,
Down at Fraggle Rock.

Work you cares away,
Dancing's for another day.
Let the Fraggles play,
We're Gobo, Mokey, Wembley, Boober, Red.

Dance your cares away,
Worry's for another day.
Let the music play,
Down at Fraggle Rock.
Down at Fraggle Rock.
Down at Fraggle Rock.

Huey couldn't wait for spring, even though it was still only 40º outside. His feet said fuck it and decided to go out in Tevas anyways. Who needs toes, mang.

You Can't Buy Taste.

I'm an avid SCRABBLE player on my phone. And not too long ago I got an alert that the "Avalon Luxury Kit," brought to you by the Toyota Avalon, was now available in the SCRABBLE store.

"Want to play in style?" Do I want to play a classic board game as if I were a trillionaire? And it's FREE FOR THREE MONTHS? I was curious to see how the 1% plays SCRABBLE differently than the rest of us plebes. So I installed it.

What the Rick Rockwell fart? It looks like someone replaced regular SCRABBLE tiles with chrome lettering hacked off a Ford Focus. And why are all the letters so horizontal? It looks like they're trying to luxuriously take a dump on the board. Which they should because it's a boring gray now with a horsey Toyota badge across the entire board.

I obviously turned that hideous shit off my game and went back to the Classic look. Then a few months later, I got this sad notice:

Aww, too bad. I missed out on the chance to customize my board to resemble a high-end hair salon from the 80s. Maybe I'll browse the SCRABBLE Store and customize my tiles to resemble illegible lettuce leaves, brought to you by Hidden Valley Ranch. 

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Isn't It A Little Early In The Week For A UAG?

Yes.