The Latest Funded Kickstarter Projects

Crowdsourcing site Kickstarter has announced their latest successfully funded projects. Here are the products and projects that got the green light:

• noiseless flip flops that ultimately are no fun now

• miniature baby leopards that are like regular baby leopards in every way except that they're incredibly racist against the Dutch

• a squeezable dictionary that really doesn't want you to squeeze it

• whimsical fake mustaches that hide your very real canker sores

• STAB-SAVR: a handy budgeting app that saves you cents on the dollar every time you stab someone

Today Is Victory Over Yourself of Yesterday; Tomorrow Is Your Victory Over Pathmark

UAG

A Few More Available But Dumb Porn Names

Congrats on your first porn shoot! We’re all ready to begin shooting your big debut, but first we'll need you to pick a porn name. Something you’ll go by for the duration of your 5-8 year career. Here's an empty Newport carton full of porn names that you can pick from. Help yourself to any of it, but fair warning– a lot of these are pretty stupid:

Him

Samson Ite

Twink Erbelle

Dong Cornelius

Kareem De Menthe

Jack Ulater

Sir Thomas Engleshire Fuck, III

Her

Hetty Petting

Rhonda Waygirl

Hannah Lingus

Tiffany Knockoff

Eunice Gargler