Kickstarter Projects That Didn't Get Off The Ground

The following Kickstarter campaigns were the least successful crowdfunding campaigns of the month:

• MEAT SPINDLE -  a toilet paper spindle made out of delicious gyro lamb/beef meat

• Painted Clams - colorful painted clamshells that contain prizes and holiday cheer (not limited to Thanksgiving)

• Toothpaste bukakke - no description necessary

• Small pieces of cardboard cut especially for breakdancing mice

• A book compiling 50,000 love letters sent to Darla from "Our Gang" that were never sent

• A stapler that yells "JEFF EPSTEIN DIDN'T KILL HIMSELF" whenever used

More Things That Are Objectively Cuter Than Ariana Grande

Ariana Grande is a worldwide, ubiquitous phenomenon, but she also likes to present herself as a bashful, wide-eyed bundle of dimples and adorability. With all due respect to the Grammy-winning pop singer, EADJ would like to suggest a few more things that are undeniably cuter than her:

• Dollhouse toilets

• Hedgehog paws

• Little boys named "Malcolm"

• When a dog wags its tail so much his whole ass moves

• Billie Eilish shrugging

• When a rookie cardiologist doesn't clear when someone with the paddles yells "Clear!"

• Taffeta

• When your dad borrows his wife's sweatpants and has "JUICY" on his butt

• Sally Field at any age

• Anthropomorphic bowling pins

• Anyone Western trying to pronounce "Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan"

• The Noid from the old Domino's Pizza commercials

There's A Pathmark For That

Shut your holes!