The Latest InfoWars Conspiracy Theories

Alex Jones and his talented stable of batshit liars are preparing the next conspiracy theories that blame everything from high beef prices to bunions on "leftists" and "woke commie operatives". Here are the stories they plan to litter the airwaves with soon:

• Most daycare places are "woke indoctrination camps" for children, brainwashing them to care about other people by showing them Elmo and Ms. Rachel.

• You know that extra button that they sew on the inside of dress shirts? That's a listening device for the KGB and MI6.

• Logging onto Grindr signals to the government that you're gay, even if you're just logging on out of intellectual curiosity and aren't gay at all. At all.

• A majority Buc-ee's locations aren't real but holographic illusions created by Rosie O' Donnell to steal conservatives' credit card information.

• The sea lions at Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco are actually undercover ICE agents staked out to monitor the Bay for illegal immigrants.

The ProofrEADJer: Beginning of April Edition

An Imagined Conversation

A flyer found in South Orange, NJ:

"Okay, that was a decent pose. I think we got it, Andy. That's a wrap!"

"No, wait a minute. I got an idea."

"Uh, what are you doing, Andy?"

"Something different. Something that separates Shadow Yoga from your Johnny Come Lately yoga joints. Let's not go with Downward Dog for our flyer photo. Watch this!"

(Howard contorts himself)

"Whoa."

"I know, right? Awesome, right?"

"Uh, no."

"I call it the 'Shadow Zephyr!' And it's for advanced yoga masters only!"

"I wouldn't necessarily call that a flattering pose, Andy."

"Oh, to hell with flattering. This is next level yoga!"

"So you want to recruit middle aged housewives in South Orange to do next level yoga, Andy."

"Will you take the picture already, Donovan? This hurts like a motherfucker!"