More Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Watched

"WTF? Are you crazy or something?"

"No, actually, I'm..."

"Bless me, Father, for I have skinned."

"That new girl from Transylvania sucks."

"Blake! These aren't homeowners at all! They... they RENT!"

"Any questions before we continue?"

"Yeah. How come none of our hair is weightless?"

"Ghost ninjas?! Are they even quieter than regular ones?"

"It's over, Bargord. I'm holding the Cursed Gem of Rohm and now wield the power over all of Gatscedia and its undead armies. Now give me the amulet of Vurturr before Pakkaria's army breaks the east wall and conjures the Soul of Teretth'eh!"

"It's my ass. The ultimate weapon is my toned ass."

"Jesus. Are you sure you don't have any pen and paper lying around?"

"Agent Morgan, I'm going to be honest. You really suck at keeping a low profile while on missions."

"I knew I shouldn't have tried a homeopathic cure for my eczema."

"Jeet?"

"Wait. Did I leave my phone in that male stripper's gutted corpse? Shit. We gotta go back."

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Netflix This Month

Due to contract updates, the following movies and TV shows will be removed from Netflix this week:

• Gusta Wind

• MMA News delivered by an old lady reading a copy of PARADE magazine

• The Deadliest Crotch

• Heroic DMV Bloopers

• Live Webcam of Gerbils Fucking

Thanks to new contracts, the following movies and TV shows will be added to Netflix this week:

• Dust That Ass (home renovation show with a feral donkey)

• Suge Knight's Craft Corner

• Now That's What I Call A Cry For Attention

• America's Got Coronavirus

• Star Trek: Writer's Room

• Impractical Chokers

• Pharmaceutical Commercials' Best Farmers Markets

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Transfer Photos From Your Android Phone To Your PC

To move files by USB, you'll need a compatible cord to fit both your phone and any USB port on your computer.

1) Unlock your Android device.

2) With a USB cable, connect your device to your computer.

3) On your device, tap the "Charging this device via USB" notification.

4) Under "Use USB for," select File Transfer.

5) A file transfer window will open on your computer.

6) When your transfer is done, eject your device from Windows.

And speaking of USB cables, I set out in the back of my limo a variety of charging cables for iPhone, Android, and even Blackberry for the older crowd. Please don't steal them when you get out at your destination. Those cables cost me money! And I'll just charge it to your card, anyway. Be safe, kids.

Six Lies Told By The Kittatinny Dual Racing Ziplines Brochure

1) It's not actually real racing between the two lines. Zipline #2 drags like a burro with a club foot.

2) That is what a thumbs up under extreme duress looks like.

3) Kittatinny is known for their canoes, so why not trust your life to them making an extra buck with a steel cable and a harness with wheels? Same thing, right?

4) They wanted to say "shit," but thought "zip" was cuter. "Shit" would've been cuter.

5) You are not required to heil the Fuhrer while riding, but you are allowed to.

6) "Reservations recommended, walk ins welcome?" Well, which is it? What kind of passive aggressive parenting is going on here?

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EADJ and the National College Greek Council are proud to announce the opening of the very first chapter of the Six Liesa Tolda fraternity on the campus of the University of Kansas. The "6LT" house is located on the corner of W 15th and Vermont Street, between the Kappa Alpha Theta and Kappa Kappa Gamma sorority houses. The house has rooms for over 30 fraternity brothers and features 3 shared bathrooms and a basement meeting room.

Aww, Hell No: Some Ill-Advised Hip Hop Covers

Promo card for G Stack and Deev Da Greed Presents Abraham Reekin', Vol. IV

So many questions. Why is Lincoln sitting on a cheesy overstuffed leather sofa from my cousin's studio apartment. Why the FDR-style cigarette blunt holder. How is "Reekin'" even remotely close to "Lincoln." I'd report this to the EADJ Pun Cops, but I don't think this even qualifies as a play on words. And do rappers' heroes always end up getting shot?



Plain, Pull My Finger

Combining fart humor with imagery from the L.A. riots of '92, Plain makes a statement both scatological and sociopolitical. Or not. Track 12 on this CD: "Restless Leg Syndrome" ft. T Nutty. It sounds as terrible as it sounds.


Big Kuntry King, My Turn To Eat

(CD cover courtesy of Andrew Gall)
Now, I do understand where this cover came from. The guy calls himself BK King or something, and two seconds later, you have a concept for the album art. But instead of going straight to shooting it, they should have asked, is this stupid? Some soul searching would have found a "yes."


L-Solo, I Am The Shit

Sigh. And I had that we had come so far since Millie Jackson:




Feuchte Traume, Frauenarzt
"Frauenarzt?!" Is that the name of the album or the sound that came out of her ass? Mein Gott!