Pu Pu Platter Wants To Hang Out

Hey, wassup guys. How's it going. Just a short note to let you all know that I'm free to hang out anytime.

My schedule's been busy the last few weeks (craziness!) but more recently, I've had a little more time to hang back and just chill out. So if any of you guys would like to just hang out and shoot the shit sometime, that would be great.

Seriously. If I slighted any of you guys before by being too busy, I totally didn't mean to; you know I always want to hang out, just sometimes the ol' sked gets a little bit filled.

And you all know me– egg rolls, bacon-wrapped pineapple, chicken wings, beef teriyaki. Friggin' crab RANGOON on skewers, you know? I got a lot going on. You understand, right? Cool.

So if any of you guys have a free minute, I'm totally down with whatever. Get some Q-time with "3P," knowhutI'msayin? Ha ha. Just hang out, play some catch-up, whatever.

Also, the fact that I've got multiple dipping sauces- soy sauce, duck sauce, hoisin sauce, you know the drill- plus I've got that little sterno flame going, so that might help explain why I've been so swamped. But still no excuse, I know, for not having touched base with you guys sooner. I'm just trying to get you guys to see my side of the whole thing.

No? That's cool. I know you guys get busy, too. So it's tough sometimes syncing up our schedules to match up perfect so that we all hang out. So, just letting you know that I'm free, so whenever some time opens up for you guys, I'll be around.

You can text me, too, now. My new phone accepts texts.

Dick with a Side Order of Joel

FREE CAR WASH!

That was the latest ploy by our hero Joel to get more dick eaten in a day. He decided, why not just find where there's a lot of dick, and reroute it to his mouth?

So he decided on Wilshire West, a popular car wash on West Wilshire Blvd. There's a line of cars snaking out to Wilshire Blvd at all hours. Lots of men of different ethnic backgrounds standing around waiting. So many choices— it's like a dick pu-pu platter!

So Joel put on his tightest jean shorts, a mesh "NO FEAR" tank top, and his favorite pair of Oakleys and put up a sign at a parking lot across the street from Wilshire West that said FREE CARWASH HERE!!!!

Within minutes, the entire lane of cars had moved over to get serviced by Joel. Joel was ecstatic! But what he hadn't thought out was how to wash cars AND eat dick at the same time. Most patrons were more concerned about the bird pu-pu on their windshield than having their dick eaten by a 38-year old in jean shorts.

So Joel ended up spending 16 hours washing dudes' cars for free. He only ate 3 dicks out of the deal, too. So much for that hare-brained scheme.

(pictured above, an un-enhanced scan of a local eatery's menu, specializing in ostrich burgers and disturbing smoothies.)

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