25 Days of Hallmark Movies: Day 23: "Christmas In The Air" Starring Catherine Bell and Eric Close

I think I found it, guys. I think I have somehow found the most boring Hallmark movie of all time–and that's out of dozens of movies about cookie baking contests and elevators breaking down and dueling Christmas tree farms. This movie is so fucking boring that I fell asleep just reading the premise of the thing.

Plot summary: "Lydia, a successful professional organizer, is constantly trying to grow her business, but even her ambition takes a back seat to love when she meets Robert, a frazzled widower with two young children. A toy inventor, Robert is asked to present his new Christmas toy line to a superstore. His challenge is he only has 12 days to get his life and his business in order. Talk about a Christmas rush! Lydia shows Robert that this task goes way deeper than messy junk drawers and encompasses every aspect of his life. While she’s intent on helping him straighten out details he had long ignored, Robert teaches the buttoned-up Lydia that messiness can be a delightful part of life."

Every Hallmark movie follows the same trajectory. But the makers of this one decided to take the road least interesting. And you know what? I'm not even going to go into depth here with the gags because I want to spare you the torture I endured to watch this one straight through. My Christmas present to you.

Romance Factor: 4 out of 10

Christmas Cheer: 4 out of 10

Overall Rating: 4 out of 10

Time Until First Kiss: 1:22:24

No one should ever see this movie.

A Rear Entry

Submitted by Emily Kane via text at 7:38pm last night:

"SFVOSP!! Couldn't get frontal. Deal with it."

Although this does not earn Emily another Mollusk Award to accompany her Platinum Mollusk Award at the bottom of this page, she is commended for her late night diligence stalking the tunnels of her former employer, Unnamed Organization.

Let's Tack A "Do Not Resuscitate" Sign To The EADJ Mail Sack When It's Sleeping! ***TEXTARIFFIC ENTRY***

A text from John Reid:

 

A submission for the next EADJ Pun Cops from Andrew Gall:

 

A "shorter, fatter and saltier" version of Scott Peterson, submitted by Larry Liss:

 

Also submitted by John Reid: "Ha."

 

A texted photo from Tom Weingard: "Found in the trash in a bathroom in a Greek restaurant in Union Square."

This texted to me from my brother Jay: "How dare they."

 

And finally, yet another entry submitted by John Reid: "Good to see you the other day."

Thanks to all the submitters. You guys have big dicks.

Smecial Dreams Entry

From John Reid:

And three from Andrew Gall:

There's lots of Megan this time around.

This Week In Doppelgangers

A goofy, t-shirt stretching John Carstens,


Intense, painted Andrew Gall,


And ITT Tech-educated sound mixer Phil Flicklicker:

Dear Mr. Dow

The True Identity of The World's Greatest Detective.

So I was reading comics at work, and I stumble upon the "making of" section in the back of Alex Ross' book "The World's Greatest Super-Heroes."


Btw, Alex Ross is this awesome artist who paints realistic comics using gouache and watercolor brushes, but he often uses photo reference to really capture realistic poses.


So in one section, I recognize the name of a storyboard artist I used to work with when I worked at Unnamed Organization in Chicago. Matt had actually gone by the nickname "Nightcrawler," because he often drew TV storyboards for us late at night.


So, all this time, I was essentially asking Bruce Wayne to draw frames for Ore-Ida Krinkle-Cut Microwave French Fries. And instead of snapping my neck or subduing me with a well-thrown batarang, Matt just drew happy people holding bullshit packaging. I feel horrible now.

I also feel foolish that instead of calling his landline, I could have just turned on a flashlight and pointed it at the sky.


He watches over the city, a grim soul fighting a relentless war on crime. By day, a multi-billionaire playboy. By night, a dark knight cloaked in shadows, preying on the forces of evil. Unless, of course, you have some storyboard work you need done overnight. He'll send some pencil sketches to you first, then if you like, he'll ink them in and color them in time for the presentation.

TGI Friday's Continues Its Proud Tradition of Random Shit On the Wall

I spotted a wall in TGI Friday's in the Pittsburgh airport (don't ask) with possibly the most random shit I'd seen since the famed Cavalcade of Crap at Unnamed Organization in Chicago.


Here is a breakdown of the items, each with a numbered value of randomness on a scale from 1 to 10:

A True Comedy Classic

This from November 2006 in Chicago, at Unnamed Organization: Travis, Vince, and Nikki (out of frame) demonstrate how flammable non-dairy creamer is.

An EADJ Classic Clip

This clip is from March, 2006. Michelle Litos demonstrates the unexplained drift of the center pleat on her left jean leg after only a few steps.

Let's Twist the Cap Off the EADJ Mail Sack and See If We've Won!

Submitted by Mel Kreilein via Facebook, a comic from Unnamed Organization:

An IM Message From Jessica:

Some things never change.

A Reunion of Sorts.

2 doppelgangers join forces to recreate the glory days of Blamer Brasselt (organization name changed to avoid the scrutiny of its principals, Beter Brivbrovich, Barshall Bross and Braren Breamen)

Epilogue To Unnamed Project

After the debacle of Project B_____ after an Unnamed Organization started getting pissy about it (the exact OPPOSITE of Jerald's reaction), some readers have been asking who our confederate at that organization and if they're doing okay. Their report:

The end of the (tale) is that the (unusual) (parcel) has all been (distributed) and is in the (claws) of (folks) who (uttered)...."yeah, I can really use that. (Also, Dita Von Teese skateboard ragamuffin One-dollar-per-year-in-business as a Christmas bonus was really fucking cheap.)"

Since Unnamed Organization has been known to screen their emails, key words have been altered with synonyms (in parenthesis) and an additional fake sentence has been added to the end to confuse any automatic or manual searches to track down and discipline said confederate. Your identity is safe with us, dear confederate!

Let's Open the EADJ Mail Sack To Get Our Minds Off the Fact That An Unnamed Organization Made Us Take Down a Really Funny Project Entry!

Submitted by Tom Weingard, an almost-winning EADJ sweepstakes entry:

Update.

A certain Project was removed after certain parties and certain organizations started getting upset about it. The print version of the previously named project will, however, be made available at all Stuckey's rest stops.