"Ocean Breeze" starring Russell Crowe and Keira Knightley
A drunken sailor meets a spoiled socialite and they fight for two hours before he docks his schooner in her dry dock. Directed by Ridley Scott.
"Arctic Chill" starring Kevin Hart and Tracey Jordan
Two hardcore rappers take the wrong flight and end up in the Arctic Circle mistaken as geologists. Soundtrack by J. Cole, Drake, and Swizz Beats.
"New Dawn" starring Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson
Despite what it sounds like, this is NOT a Twilight installment. Stewart plays an out-of-place teenager who meets a boy with extraordinary powers. I know it sounds A LOT like Twilight, but trust us, it's based entirely on a CARPET SWATCH.
"Clambake" starring Jonah Hill, Don Wahlberg and Michael B. Jordan
Three high school losers find out where the biggest Senior party of the year is being held and use this knowledge to win over girls, get popular, and focus more on their academic studies.
"Lumber Yard" starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Angelina Jolie. Directed by Christopher Nolan.
Whatever it's about, critics are going to jizz themselves trying to praise everyone involved. LUMBER YARD!
"Timberline" starring Timbaland, Justin Timberlake, and Tim Burr
A funky new musical in the tradition of "Grease" and "Step Up 4: All In in 3D and IMAX." A veteran hip hop emcee (played by Flavor Flav) trains a talented white protege and takes over the music business a second time. We forgot to cast a female in this. Damn.
"Georgia Clay" starring Jamie Foxx, Lance Reddick, and Pepa
Foxx plays Dr. Amon Clay, a once-successful plastic surgeon in the Atlanta area who confronts his past patients who are all melting.
"Garden Cucumber" starring Sasha Grey
Now available for download.
