Let's Tack A "Do Not Resuscitate" Sign To The EADJ Mail Sack When It's Sleeping! ***TEXTARIFFIC ENTRY***

A text from John Reid:

 

A submission for the next EADJ Pun Cops from Andrew Gall:

 

A "shorter, fatter and saltier" version of Scott Peterson, submitted by Larry Liss:

 

Also submitted by John Reid: "Ha."

 

A texted photo from Tom Weingard: "Found in the trash in a bathroom in a Greek restaurant in Union Square."

This texted to me from my brother Jay: "How dare they."

 

And finally, yet another entry submitted by John Reid: "Good to see you the other day."

Thanks to all the submitters. You guys have big dicks.

Guest Writer Appearance for Today: CANCELLED

(As part of EADJ Guest Writer Week, today's entry has been submitted by Larry Liss.)

Actually, no.

Larry would have written something about Joel eating dick here, but apparently he was too busy. It would have been funny and poignant and a clever analogy to how life is in these mean streets. You probably would have read it twice, wept, then copy-and-pasted the entry to send to your estranged parents, because it touched you in some profound way.

Oh well, maybe tomorrow. Dingdang!

(pictured above, a building-wide search turns desperate, and more people volunteer to track down the shorter, fatter version of Scott Peterson)

***UPDATE!!!!!*** There's a break in the manhunt, as the real Scott Peterson's assistant Joe Nudelman (don't laugh) spots the shorter, fatter version of Scott Peterson in the elevators this very morning! Stay tuned to EADJ for the latest in this developing story.