Let's Install An Old 6-CD Changer In The Back of the EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted by Emily Kane:

I don't know what to make of this either, dear reader.

More Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Seen

Previous installment of this segment here.

"Meteor" (1979) starring Sean Connery, Natalie Wood and Karl Malden

Mackabee (played by Connery): "You shee, we're the only hope that Earth hash. We need to shuccsheed."

"Just Go With It" starring Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston

Tom (played by Sandler) (singing): "♫ ♪ Ah pookee dookee ping ping wabba wabba ibby ibby ibby ibby ibby WHOOAAAHOOOOGAAAHHH waggle naggle taggle baggle bag-a-bag-a POCK POCK! ♫ ♪"

Jennifer Aniston (to camera): "It's a paycheck. Shut up."

"The Guvnors," starring Jay Simpson, Lee Nicholas Harris and Martin Hancock

"PUT DOWN THE FOOKIN' GUN!"
"NO, YOU PUT DOWN THE FOOKIN' GUN!"
"YOU PUT DOWN THE FOOKIN' GUN!"
"NO, YOU PUT DOWN THE FOOKIN' GUN!"

The Judge" starring Robert Downey Jr and Robert Duvall

Attorney Sam Buckwell (played by Downey): "Who the hell are you to judge me?"

Judge J. Jury Judgeman (played by Duvall): "I am a judge."

Buckwell: "Oh, right."

"Fury" starring Brad Pitt, Shia Lebeouf and Logan Lerman

Commander Donald Truss (played by Pitt): "We've got to hold the line, boys. The outcome of the war depends on these four acres…Great God! Who farted? We're in close quarters in a tank here, guys. I mean really!"

A Reunion

Pictured below, Andrew and Vince, together again. Sort of.

Breaking:

The fun is over.

An Open Letter To The Bathroom Attendant At Any Bar

Oh, hey. Wassup.

Yeah, I'm sort of surprised that you're here. I mean, this is a bar called Scalawag's, so I didn't expect white glove service in the pisser. I just came here to do my biz and go back to drinking.

Oh, thanks. I see you've turned on the faucet for me. Nice. That's some serious service there. Again, not the type of service I was expecting in this 5" x 5" bathroom with "TODD IS A NUTTSUKER" scrawled on the wall. Yeah, just gonna wash my hands real quick and... oh! A paper towel! You are handing me a paper towel that I could have grabbed from the dispenser myself?! Well, la-di-da, aren't we in fancy-pants land now. Look at me! It's like I'm at the Ritz! Oh, and look at the fine selection of sundry mints and candies in your basket! I can choose ANY of them? Even after other dudes have touched it shortly after touching their penises? Well, after all that service (and even a bit of chit chat) I feel compelled to throw a second dollar in your till. No, really. I feel COMPELLED.

Let's be honest here– this is possibly the definition of unnecessary. I understand you're trying to make an extra buck, but I will be goddamned if I have to tip you a dollar every time I come back here to wee-wee. You're not here at 3pm, so why should I tip you for working here at 9pm? And I'm not going to try that "give-you-a-twenty-so-I-can-come-back-as-many-times-without-tipping" trick, because I know for a fact that you always pretend to forget who I am.

You know, I'll go so far as to say you're actually a health hazard. Yes, that's right. I've seen quite a few guys avoid eye contact with you and NOT wash their hands just so they don't have to throw you a buck. Sure, they are cheap and disgusting, but I think any forthcoming listeriosis outbreaks will be on your conscience, my friend.

Can we make a rule of thumb here? Anytime a bar doesn't have tablecloths on the tables and pheasant under glass, you don't have to stand at the sink in that bathroom. Then I don't have to feel bad about letting out a loud clap of a fart whenever I'm at the urinal. Deal, champ? Sweet.

Good talk.

An EADJ Friday Fun Contest!

Can you find Tom Weingard in this class photo? (Click to enlarge)

The answer on Monday.