"A Sword by Itself Does Not Slay; It is Merely the Pathmark Used By the Slayer."

Oddly, this one has a couple of Blueys:

Well, This Is a Problem.

.




(photo of apple in toilet)





I tried to upload some photos for a new post, but Blogger keeps telling me that EADJ has "exceeded the total photo upload quota."

I've apparently reached 1 GB of total photo storage on this bitch, which I guess is easy since every last entry I've ever entered here since December '06 (a grand total of 1,659) contained at least one photo.

Stay tuned as I try to either upgrade the storage for EADJ or finally close this blog and start "Eat Another Dick, Joel."

Personally, I think this post put it over the limit.

The Difference Between A Still Shot and A Video

Shot at the Maplewood train station, a tranquil composition of light, texture, and stillness:


Now, when you shoot the same thing on video, you capture snowfall movement but also the unending blabbing of some Russian woman on her cell phone:


Shut up. Shut UP. Shut up! SHUT UP!!!!

My New Favorite Photo

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Cock, The Finale

So here's what happened with that mysterious roll of film that the previous owner of my New Jersey house had left. It took me a while to find a place that actually develops this obscure type of film, but I should have known all along that B&H Photo was the premier place in New York for all my photo, video, pro audio and digital imaging needs. No, they didn't pay me to say that.


As I was in the cab, I was blissfully imagining all the strange/wonderful/terrifying things that could be on that film:

• A photo that solves the identity of a never-caught murderer

• A secret map that shows where ancient Spanish treasure is buried in Central Park

• Tits

• Proof of life on Mars (hey, it could happen)

• Compromising photos of a prominent New Jersey politician who would pay handsomely for them

• Photos of a topless celebrity murdering a politician with Spanish doubloons on her tits

• Attractive landscape of the New York skyline that I could blow up for cheap instead of buying a poster.

• Serial numbers to a bunch of software, namely the Adoboe Creative Suite 3 and the latest version of Microsoft Office.

• Detailed schematics for building a time machine out of a Toyota Prius


So I got to the place, and a very helpful clerk at the developing counter lay the bad news on me: THE FILM WAS NEVER EXPOSED.

"You see the bottom of this roll?" he explained,"1 means the film was never exposed. 2 means it was partially exposed. 3 means the film was exposed but never developed. And 4 means it's been both exposed and developed."


Well, FUCK me. I had planned to leave another fake name ("Andrew Vince") and everything, but now all this effort- and cab fare- had been spent for shit. No secret recipes. No creepy shots of some girl being stalked. No scat porn. Nuthin'.

So rather than write a summary paragraph winding up this quest, I'll just leave it open and unsatisfying for you, just like I feel right now.

Beth Before Dishonor

(pictured above, Beth reconsiders a career as an Artist, Auto Body Repair Technician, Auto Detailer, Auto Repair Technician, Basic Electronics, Bookkeeping, Carpenter, Caterer, Child Day Care Management, Computer Graphic Artist, Court Reporter, Dental Assistant, Desktop Publishing & Design, Diesel Mechanics, Dog Obedience Trainer/Instructor, Drafting with AutoCAD, Dressmaking & Design, Electrician, Electronics Technician, Fitness & Nutrition, Floral Design, Freelance Writer, Furniture and Cabinet Maker, Gunsmith, Home Inspector, Home Remodeling & Repair, Hotel/Restaurant Management, HVAC Technician, Interior Decorator, Java Programmer, Jewelry Repair Technician, Legal Secretary, Medical Coding and Billing, Medical Office Assistant, Medical Transcriptionist, Motorcycle Repair Technician, Occupational Therapy Aide, Paralegal, PC Fundamentals, PC Repair, PC Specialist, Pet Groomer, Pharmacy Technician, Photographer, Physical Therapy Aide, Plumber, Private Investigator, Professional Bridal Consultant, Professional Landscaper, Professional Locksmith, Professional Secretary, Programming in BASIC, Small Business Owner, Small Engine Repair, Spanish, Teacher Aide, Telecommunications Technician, Travel/Tourism Specialist, TV/VCR Repair Technician, Veterinary Assistant, Visual Basic .NET Programmer, Visual C#.net Programmer, Web Page Designer, or Wildlife & Forestry Conservation.