A List Of Activities You Can Do With Certified Therapy Dog Rhett And How Much It Would Cost

I spotted this sign in Manhattan last week, advertising the rental out an unknown breed of dog named Rhett (is that an Airedale?). For a buck a minute, Rhett's pimps are willing to let you take Rhett (could be a Scottish Deerhound?) out and do whatever, provided it's for your therapy. He's "always looking for new friends," so what are you waiting for? Here now is a list of suggested activities you can do with Rhett (he's an Irish Wolfhound, isn't he?) and how much it will cost:

• Take Rhett from 25th Street to Central Park for a nice walk and a poop: $82

• Watch the entire "Lord Of The Rings" Trilogy, extended edition with Rhett: $682

• Bowl an entire game by yourself while Rhett sniffs his balls: $14

• Have sex with release while Rhett watches from another room: $3

• Fly with Rhett to Tel Aviv, Israel from JFK and back: $1200 (not including airfare)

• Drive Rhett around while cranking Iron Maiden's third studio album, "The Number of The Beast:" $41

• Encourage Rhett to go with you to your Zumba class, even though he doesn't seem to express any interest: $60

• Hassle Rhett about his 'Certified Dog' credentials: $7

• Cook an entire timpano, complete with meatballs, salami and filling and with homemade crust, while Rhett nervously licks his hungry dog lips: $80

• Take Rhett to watch the Houston Astros totally suck dick for a full nine innings: $180

• Give away the twist to "Looper" to Rhett: $1

• Read "The Brothers Karamazov" to Rhett in a pidgin accent while he licks his balls again: $86,400

• Read this blog entry to him and see if he "gets" it: $4


You can literally rent Rhett here.

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Assemble A Sit 'N Spin

 

1) Remove the 3 screws taped to the top of the base. Use a Phillips screwdriver and the two #6 screws included with the base to connect the turn handle to the top of the center post. The screws connect on the sides of the turn handle as shown (b).

 

2) Place the center post/turn handle into the base as shown. Flip the base over and use the Phillips screwdriver with the single #10 screw (included) to connect the center post/turn handle to the base.

 

 NOTE: Make sure that all assembled parts are securely attached before using the Sit 'n Spin. 

And speaking of "flipping the base over," (and speaking of "screwdriver") one time I had to pick up a couple living on a military base for a formal function. I hadn't even gotten off the base when they just started going at it like two dogs in heat, like in that movie "No Way Out." I gotta tell you– and I mean no disrespect– Marines are crazy. Stay safe, kids.

Committed To Her Art

Spotted in Brazil, a samba singer really gets into the music. Swept away, really.