"WATCHA DOIN?"

NUTN IM @ CHURCH. U?

HOME. IM BORD.

ME 2

 

THIS HOMILY IS 2 LONG LOL!

GET 2 DA POINT, PRECHA!

LOL

OH SHIT ITS TYM 2 DO THE NICENE CREED

OK ITS COOL I KNOW THIS

 

WE BELV IN 1 GOD

D FATHR ALMYT

MKER OF ALL C-N AND UN C-N

WE BLV IN 1 LORD JS CST

D ONLY SON O GOD

ETERNLE BGOTN O FATHR

GD FROM GD, LT FROM LT

TRU GD FROM TRU GD

B-GOTN NOT MD

1 BN W D FATHR

THRU HIM ALL THNGS WR MD

4 US & 4 OR SLVATN

HE CAME DN FRM HVN

BY D PWR O HLY SPRT

HE BCM INCRN8 FROM VG MRY

& WAS MD MAN

4 OR SK HE WAS CRUCFD UDR POTS PIL8

HE SUFRD DYD & WAS BRD

ON DAY 3 HE ROSE AGN

IN ACCRDNCE W SCRPTRS
HE ASCND HVN
& IS C-TED @ RT HAND O FATHR

HE WILL CM AGN IN GLRY 2 JGE LVNG + DD

AND HIS KNGDM W HAVE NO END

WE BLV IN D HLY SPRT, THE LRD GVR O LF
WHO PRCDS FROM FATHR & SN

WITH FATHR & SN HES WORSHPD & GLR5

HE SPOKEN THRU PRPHTS

WE BLVE IN 1 HOLY CATH & APOST CHCH

WE ACKNOWLEDGE 1 BAP 4 4GVNS O SINS

WE LOOK 4 RESURR O DD

& LFE WRLD 2 CM. 

AMN

Hey, T-Mobile Girl,

Please stop. You're nothing more than a poor imitation of the famous and award-winning "Mac Vs. PC" ad campaign that Apple ran for, like, years.


What, you say that Apple campaign has ended, so it's fair game now? Do you think the public actually has that short a memory? That's pretty insulting. Oh, you say that you're actually a riff- an homage- to the "Mac Vs. PC" campaign, turning it on its ear to parody your service's superiority to AT&T's? Maybe. But if so, you're 1. Not being very clever with the parody 2. Replacing two talented comic actors with yourself and a male model who isn't even remotely interesting 3. Broccoli with beef on rice (asterisk denotes spicy)


T-Mobile Girl, I'm not blaming you for this advertising fiasco. I'm sure you're a nice person, and you seem to deliver your lines with skill, so I'm not going to pick on you. I just find it cynical that someone plopped a pretty girl in a pink dress without any irony or purpose.


After a minor bit of Googling, I've learned this actress is named Carly Foulkes and she's also a bikini model.


Never mind, Carly. Carry on!

Another (One-Sided) IM To Jessica

The Evolution of Richard Clayderman's Buttcrack Haircut

Over the course of his illustrious career, pianist Richard Clayderman has used a variety of source material for reinterpretation. But whether he's re-imagining the pop sensibilities of The Carpenters or the dramatic epic broadway tunes of Andrew Lloyd Webber, Clayderman has kept his parted-down-the-middle two-tone haircut consistent. For that is his trademark. Here, EADJ examines the many moods of Richard Clayderman's ass-crack do.


The Best of Abba
Establishing a look is important. And Richard sports his classic, bowl buttcrack center-part like a proud, preening peacock.


The Best of Andrew Lloyd Webber
Often lighting and smoke evoke a feeling of mystery and drama. Richard knows this and blends his buttcrack just so that you can't tell if it's his forehead or his hair. Quelle mystere!


The Best of The Carpenters
Richard Clayderman pays respect to the tragic life of Karen Carpenter by foregoing the buttcrack part completely. A deepfelt tribute from a fellow artiste.


The Best of Cinema
A triumphant return to clearly-defined ass-cleavage-resembling hair! A widescreen cinemascopic panorama of shimmering blond hair for Clayderman to lead the troops in. An epic conquistador's helmet of triumph! To arms!


The Best of Classical
The formal look is appropriate when approaching the classics. Clayderman knows this and responds with chiaroscuro, Monet-like softness on wispy sinews of asscrack. But you may also notice a bit of "party in the back," if you know what I'm saying. Am I right, ladies?


The Best of Love Songs
The art of love involves baring one's soul. What better way to portray that than to create the biggest, widest buttcrack part ever slapped on an album cover? Richard takes both hands and STRETCHES the everloving bejeezus out of that part, spreading that bad boy like Penthouse Pet Valentina Vaughn in her June 2005 pictorial.

It must also be noted that on none of these album covers are Richard Clayderman's famous hands visible. That's because he's folding t-shirts out of the crop.