Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Netflix This Month

Due to contract negotiations, the following movies and TV shows will be removed from Netflix this week:

• Guy Fieri Says Fuck It and Eats Healthy

• Startling Ferrets and Punching Old People

• CVS Pharmacy: After Dark

• Tony Robbins Presents Watch This And WIN You Big Winner!!!!!!!*    *Maybe

• Can't Hear A Goddamn Thing: The Fan Film Documentary

• Dick Pics from Famous Charleses

Due to periodic contract negotiations, the following movies and TV shows will be added to Netflix this week:

• The 1983 Invasion of Grenada: A Two Episode Documentary

• Fluffers: Behind The Scenes of Fabric Softener Manufacturing

• Booger Glue: How Mucilage Conquered An Industry and Captured The Imagination

• Let's Throw A Ham Through a Harp

A Mini Smecial Dreams Entry

A Few More Puddles of New York City, Identified By Pantone Number

The people in NYC are from a wide, beautiful spectrum. So are the nasty, unidentifiable puddles. Here's a Pantone guide to help you identify what you just stepped in with open toed shoes:

An Imagined Conversation

"Tom."

"Yeah?"

"About that new sign out front."

"Great, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it's fine. Quick question, though."

"Yep?"

"Why the 'Blade Runner' font?"

"Excuse me?"

"When you typeset 'EASTGATE LIQUORS', you picked the font from the titles to the movie 'Blade Runner.'"

"I did?"

"Yeah."

"From the original 1982 film or the 2017 sequel?"

"Either. Both."

"Hm. Didn't mean to."

"Yep. That's what you did."

"Well, shit. That explains all the flying cop cars landing on the roof, then."

The EADJ Fashion Roundup: Spring Collection

Some families color-coordinatedly roll out of bed.

The guy's hairstyle is divided like a pie chart.

Camouflage hides the shame of Burger King.

God, grant me the patience not to reach over and adjust that man's collar for him, because it's driving me crazy.

Imagine working your entire life to come to America, only to be greeted by a bunch of citizens who dress like they don't give a shit.

My friend Michelle thought this guy's outfit made him look like Santa out of the corner of her eye. I agree.

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Big K.R.I.T. moves his pawn to b4 to challenge the black bishop.

Shaliek isn't so sure why that pawn needed to be sacrificed.

Sam Smith imagines moving a pawn to c3 to challenge the bishop again would be a good move, seeing how it would be protected by the pawn on d2.

D'Angelo notices that the white's defenses, particularly the queen and king, are more open because of all the aggressive moves.

DJ Quik is glad the black bishop retreated to a5.

Emilio Rojas is glad white decided to finally castle.

Gema Corredera advances the black pawn to d3,  perhaps forcing the queen out of d1.

Group Home moves the white queen safely out of range to b3.

Pete Rock responds by bringing out the black queen to f6.

Drake and Rihanna see that the black's defenses are solid for the moment but could be broken with a few well-placed bishops.

Sam Smith believes the black king is fucked.

Yung J.R. wonders if there's a Connect Four set lying around...

More New Taglines To A Movie That Was Released In 2013

TTVS

Let's Ring In The New Year With A Big Cock Two EADJ Mail Sack Entries From Barry!

Barry sent in this flyer:

"Ground your spiritual connection... in Flipper"

And this movie clip:

"Your life would not be complete without seeing this."

Let's Completely Alter The Lyrics To The EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted by Patrick Ng, some dude makes the most of driving a minivan:

Finally, Some Recognition

Spotted in the Fall 2010 issue of Essence Hot Hair (which reminds me– I need to renew my subscription), an article about notable black hair moments in film:


In case you were wondering, "B.A.P.S." came out in 1997, and Essence Hot Hair has only been publishing since October 2010, so this is why "B.A.P.S." hadn't gotten the recognition it deserves in the pantheon of black hair for 13 years. So you can stop the letter writing campaign now.

Smecial Christmas Day Dreams Entry

None of these dreams have to do with Christmas; I just decided to post this now. And for some reason, quite a few of these are Andrew's. Merry Christmas!

Let's Give a Used Gift Certificate to the EADJ Mail Sack and Feign Ignorance When They Find Out It Doesn't Work!

Submitted by Brad Harvey, a disturbing text message:


Here's an artist's terrible rendition of what that would look like:

YAY! ACTION FIGURES!

(pictured above, the strange manufacturer's decision to give all "Heroes" action figures their own messenger bags)