More Things That Are Objectively Cuter Than Ariana Grande

Ariana Grande is a worldwide, ubiquitous phenomenon, but she also likes to present herself as a bashful, wide-eyed bundle of dimples and adorability. With all due respect to the Grammy-winning pop singer, EADJ would like to suggest a few more things that are undeniably cuter than her:

• Dollhouse toilets

• Hedgehog paws

• Little boys named "Malcolm"

• When a dog wags its tail so much his whole ass moves

• Billie Eilish shrugging

• When a rookie cardiologist doesn't clear when someone with the paddles yells "Clear!"

• Taffeta

• When your dad borrows his wife's sweatpants and has "JUICY" on his butt

• Sally Field at any age

• Anthropomorphic bowling pins

• Anyone Western trying to pronounce "Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan"

• The Noid from the old Domino's Pizza commercials

The ProofrEADJer: Mid-June Edition

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

The Only Four Scenarios Where This Photo Would Make Any Sense

Scenario 1: a buxom Indian princess is rescued from a stampeding herd by Tony Stark (using an experimental 'big head' design) and Peter Parker (who fell under a reverse-aging spell cast by Doctor Strange) with the help of Frankie Stein from Monster High. Everyone dies horribly.

Scenario 2: This is an alternate Marvel universe where Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive spider in his crib, thus allowing him to fight his nemeses, Racially-Insensitive Indian Squaw and Frankie Stein from Monster High. In this same alternate universe, Tony Stark is a terrible designer and can't get all of his armor to fit or work right. Everyone dies horribly.


Scenario 3: Frankie Stein from Monster High learns that her real Dad isn't Frankenstein's monster, but a hydrocephalic Iron Man and a racist Sofia Vergara. Her little brother is an inept Spider-Man fan who is too young to web sling successfully but tries to fight crime anyway with his family. Everyone dies horribly.


Scenario 4: A shitty Halloween superstore attempts to advertise their low-quality merchandise before the police catch on and close their 1-month lease. Everyone dies horribly.