More Things That Are Objectively Cuter Than Ariana Grande

Ariana Grande is a worldwide, ubiquitous phenomenon, but she also likes to present herself as a bashful, wide-eyed bundle of dimples and adorability. With all due respect to the Grammy-winning pop singer, EADJ would like to suggest a few more things that are undeniably cuter than her:

• Dollhouse toilets

• Hedgehog paws

• Little boys named "Malcolm"

• When a dog wags its tail so much his whole ass moves

• Billie Eilish shrugging

• When a rookie cardiologist doesn't clear when someone with the paddles yells "Clear!"

• Taffeta

• When your dad borrows his wife's sweatpants and has "JUICY" on his butt

• Sally Field at any age

• Anthropomorphic bowling pins

• Anyone Western trying to pronounce "Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan"

• The Noid from the old Domino's Pizza commercials

The ProofrEADJer: Mid April Edition

25 Days of Hallmark Movies: Day 9: "With Love, Christmas" Starring Emilie Ullerup and Aaron O'Connell

Whoa. There are two main takeaways from this one: 1) Even amongst Hallmark Christmas movies, there's a line to how many decorations you should put in scenes. This movie crosses that line and seems to fill every ashtray, urinal and tracheotomy stoma opening with some sort of decorative bauble or trinket. 2) Hollywood will never, ever, ever understand the business of advertising in a trillion years.

Plot summary: "Ad executive Melanie is teamed up with uptight coworker Donovan to come up with the ultimate Christmas commercial for a new cell phone. To complicate matters, Donovan is also Melanie's Secret Santa recipient in the annual office gift exchange. Keeping her identity secret, Melanie sends him emails from "Santa" to determine the perfect gift for him. When Donovan mistakenly assumes another co-worker is his Secret Santa, Melanie must work to show Donovan that she’s the only Santa for him."

Romance Factor: 9 out of 10

Christmas Cheer: 7 out of 10

Overall Rating: 8 out of 10

Time Until First Kiss: 1:23:00