Inspirational Quotes From... WHO?

Spotted on a wall in Millburn, NJ: a sculpture of a book with some fancy writing on it.

Which is all well and good, until you get to the attribution at the end.

What the shit, Millburn artist? You have no human poet friends? Lazy. 😡

Spotted on YouTube

Be careful about not hitting "Skip ad" in some pre-roll. I was listening to some music on YouTube while working on another laptop and found myself listening to a LONG rambling advertisement about vitamins or some shit.

It turns out the preroll was 48 fucking minutes long, and if I didn't hit "Skip ad", I'd be subject to a fully produced infomercial about the benefits of supplements and "natural" vitamins that will  “detoxify,” “purify,” “revitalize,” or “energize” your body; “balance” its chemistry or “electromagnetic energy”; bring it in harmony with nature; “stimulate” or “strengthen” your immune system; “support” or “rejuvenate” various organs in your body; “unlock your body’s healing ability”; or stimulate your body’s power to heal itself.

Bye bye, bullshit!

Environmental, Social, and Political Challenges We Will Face in 2022, Presented In Part By Utz

Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz UTz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz

utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utzutz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz 

Utz utz. Utz utz utz "Utz" utz utz utz... utz utz. "Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz," utz Utz Utz utz Utz utz, "Utz utz utz Utz Utz! Utz, Utz–utz.

Utz utz utz utz, utz utz, utz utz utz

Utz utz, utz utz utz. Utz utz utz Utz utz! Utz (utz) utz utz, utz, utz, utz-utz utz utz. Utz% utz Utz% utz utz, UTZ. Utz utz utz; utz utz utz, Utz utz, utz Utz Utz Utz Utz utz utz utz, utz utz Utz utz? Utz utz utz utz utz utz.  Utz, utz utz Utz (U.T.Z.) utz utz Utz utz utz + utz utz utz, utz utz, utz- utz utz utz (utz) utz Utz Utz Utz ut'z utz utz.

Utz, utz utz utz utz utz. Utz. Utz. Utz utz utz utz Utz utz utz, utz utz utz utz:

 • Utz

 • Utz

• UTZ

• Ut(z)

 • Utz

 • Utz

 • Utz

 • Utz

 • Utz

 • Utz

 • Utz

 • Utz

 • Utz

 • Utz

 • Utz

 • Utz

 • Utz

 • Utz

More Things That Are Objectively Cuter Than Ariana Grande

Ariana Grande is a worldwide, ubiquitous phenomenon, but she also likes to present herself as a bashful, wide-eyed bundle of dimples and adorability. With all due respect to the Grammy-winning pop singer, EADJ would like to suggest a few more things that are undeniably cuter than her:

• Dollhouse toilets

• Hedgehog paws

• Little boys named "Malcolm"

• When a dog wags its tail so much his whole ass moves

• Billie Eilish shrugging

• When a rookie cardiologist doesn't clear when someone with the paddles yells "Clear!"

• Taffeta

• When your dad borrows his wife's sweatpants and has "JUICY" on his butt

• Sally Field at any age

• Anthropomorphic bowling pins

• Anyone Western trying to pronounce "Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan"

• The Noid from the old Domino's Pizza commercials

Where Does "Gooby" Sit In The EADJ Crappinuum?

(Click to enlarge)

Okay, "Gooby," sucked worse than "Da Station," but of course it somehow didn't suck as hard as "Somewhere Tomorrow," starring Sarah Jessica Parker. I think the reason for this is that the "Gooby" filmmakers were truly attempting to create something enjoyable but didn't have the talent to do it, whereas those who made "Somewhere Tomorrow" wanted to create a thriller but were too lazy to figure out how the story would play out and tacked on a stupid surprise ending.

I know. We could split frayed teddy bear butt hairs here all day, but the big takeaway here is that "Gooby" sucked. Bad. And being a movie geared for kids is no excuse to suck.

Spotted In Irvington, NJ

What I first thought was a strip club turned out to be a ladies hair salon. I guess the silhouetted skanks threw me off. DANGEROUS DIVAS.

I'm not sure if $50 sew-in hair weaves are supposed to be a bargain (it's been so long since I've had one done), but I definitely cannot say no to a $15 doobie.

No, wait. What kind of doobie are we talking about here?





So, it's a Rachel for sisters? Looks nice.

Meanwhile In Jersey