Deciding Between the B, C, and D options of the Hibachi At Home Service Brochure

I received this brochure from Hibachi at Home Service, who I had neither heard of nor have any upcoming events for.

But upon quick review of the service options, I'd decided if I were to use HAHS's services at some time, it would be between B, C and D.

Why, do you ask? Well, let's review here. A is automatically out because it just looks cramped in both photos. Everybody'd be knocking elbows while they're trying to eat their fried rice or whatever. It doesn't help, either that A is shown indoors. Hibachi smoke everywhere and all that.

B looks good because it has the elegance of the black folding chairs and the red placemats. Black and red can be very bold together. Like the Ocean's 11 movie poster or a page from the "Sin City" comic. The addition of another hibachi grill and chairs on the other side makes it even more of a big event. Fun!

C is similar to B but goes with white chairs, which many people would find more elegant. White and red are also a very bold combination. Like the Ocean's 11 movie poster or a page from the "Sin City" comic. A wedding would be so fun with the bride throwing the bouquet and the hibachi chef throwing shrimp!

D does away with red altogether and goes with a classy white with natural basket colored placemats. Looks like a northeastern clam bake, but with lobster and teriyaki chicken! The hibachi grill cannot be white, however. A shame, really.

FINAL VERDICT: Depending on the event you are planning and the type of group you have invited, any three of these options would be acceptable. Personally, however, I would go with C. The fact that HAHS chose that photo to have the chef standing there makes me suspect that is their favorite, too?

Hallmarked For Death

If all the Hallmark movies and shows are connected by the Hallmark Cinematic Universe (HCU), based on their two types of programming, that means all romantic relationships either end up happily ever after or one of them murders the other and hides their remains under a spooky rustic shack over by the coal mine.

Yet More Things That Are Cuter Than Ariana Grande

All previous entries here.

It isn't enough for ubiquitous popstar Ariana Grande to dominate the charts and radio playlists; she also would like the world to recognize her as the cutest thing EVAR. We at this humble blog respectfully disagree with Ms. Grande, offering the following list of things that are objectively cuter:

• Pony saddles

• Those little white shoes that the animated M&Ms wear.

• The way dogs wolf down cupcakes

• Origami Yoda

• That red cement ball in front of Target that kids love to climb on and that old people bump their hip against

• The German word for little bear: Bärchen

• The Mars Attacks! flying saucers

• Stuffing apples into your sleeves so it looks like you have biceps

• Squirtle

Some Pot Flavor Names You Won't See At Medical Marijuana Dispensaries

"Death Star Kush." "Maui Wowie." "Purple Urkle."

Now that medical marijuana is more widespread in the country, more pot dispensaries are naming their pot flavors "outrageous," "cool," and "edgy" names to grab customers' attention. Here now is a list of names they probably won't use:

• William Rehnquist

• No Workie On Cataracky

• Child Support Up In Smoke

• Doobie Brothers Pubes

• Not Cocaine

• Literally Clumped Up Cilantro

• Lung Raper

• Gary Johnson 2020

• I Support Our New Police State By Smoking This

• Tommy Chong's Eye Boogers

• Killing Me Softly With His Bong    no actually, that one's pretty good

• Silent Flaccidity

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Historians cannot agree whether Benjamin Franklin killed one or two guys in prison.

"Blur out that model's pussy and asshole, then put an X to censor the word 'SHIT.' We're trying to release a family friendly mixtape here, fellas."

Ms. Dalton regretted volunteering to chaperone the field trip to the museum.

"Over here, Dej. The camera's right here... no, you went to far to the left. Move your head over here to the right... no, too far again...Maybe you should take off the goddamned sunglasses."

BALL Z  = RASH

"Fabolous, I served with Dr. Dre. I knew Dr. Dre. Dr. Dre was a friend of mine. Fabolous, you're no Dr. Dre."

"Over here, guys. The camera's over here. No, over here. Oh, for cryin' out loud..."

"L'Algerino, do you have to go to the bathroom? Which is it, a number one or a number two?"

Nothing says hip hop like a word cloud in the shape of an off-the-air TV show.

Historians also disagree over which floating Mexican cartel Benjamin Franklin sold drugs for.

"Perico Boyz? T Millz? Sorry, guys, none of you are on the list. Please step to the side of the ropes."

No change. This is easily the best Photoshop job I have ever seen on a hip hop mixtape.

Possibly the worst headline the Dove ad campaign has ever run.

Hey idiot, you're so high that you're trying to make a call on a stack of fivers.

The EADJ Winter Fashion Round-Up

Not sure if that's a really long sweater or a man-dress with jeans underneath. The craftsmanship is amazing.

Nothing like some old school North Face down-jacket-action to mess up a Uniqlo hipster-down-jacket vibe.

Fur goes with almost everything. Except jeans that are patterned like pizza barf.

CHECKS! STRIPES! PLAID! LEOPARD! FISHNET!

MY EYES! MY EYES! SO MANY PATTERNS!

Gordy got dressed in all professional wear except for the sweatpants. 75% is still passing, you know. 

The ProofrEADJer, Mid-September Edition

The Day I Found VD in My Salad.

It's not every day you manage to spot a social disease in your lunch.



See it? VD!



Holy Mother of Goldschlager. Pewter Bear. You're back.


Yeah, yeah, yeah. We didn't ask you what you've been up to. We just commented that you were back. Like we haven't been missing you. At all.


That's right. Pukefucker. Let it soak into your thick, hateable pewter skull. We don't like you here. Hell, nobody ANYWHERE likes you, Pewter Bear. You're a miserable, kickable, douchetastic explosion of detestable mule droppings on a piss cart.


Hmm. True.