Today We Asked A Man With His Head Squeezed Between A Woman's Thighs About Streaming Services

 People who have cu... ahh... cut cable may still be looking for... huff huff... live TV options. Live *gag* TV streaming *gasp* services are great because they... ahh... they... ouch. Dammit. They give you the ability to watch local and national... agh... news as well as live sports and events... Wait. Ouch ouch ow ow ow ow ow ow... All you need... oh God...  is a streaming device or smart TV. Try these services:

• Direct TV Stream

• Hulu Plus Live TV

• Oh Goddammit My Jaw

• Sling TV

• MOTHERFUCKER THIS HURTS

Whichever service you... gag... end up with, make sure... m... m... make sureyouhavefastenoughbroadband internetsomultiplepeoplecanwatchontheirowndevices... *neck snaps*

Yet More Things That Are Cuter Than Ariana Grande

All previous entries here.

It isn't enough for ubiquitous popstar Ariana Grande to dominate the charts and radio playlists; she also would like the world to recognize her as the cutest thing EVAR. We at this humble blog respectfully disagree with Ms. Grande, offering the following list of things that are objectively cuter:

• Pony saddles

• Those little white shoes that the animated M&Ms wear.

• The way dogs wolf down cupcakes

• Origami Yoda

• That red cement ball in front of Target that kids love to climb on and that old people bump their hip against

• The German word for little bear: Bärchen

• The Mars Attacks! flying saucers

• Stuffing apples into your sleeves so it looks like you have biceps

• Squirtle

Today We Asked A Man With His Head Squeezed Between A Woman's Thighs To Explain How "No-Line" Bifocals Work

"Ughh... that's a great question... gah... ah... "no-line" bifocals are also known as progressive ... uhhhh... lenses...lenses... aw man... They are multifocal lenses for presbyopic people that... GAH... can't breathe... FUCK... have the benefit of no visible lines between lenses... ah... ahh... uh... and... um, they take some getting used to but are really great once you....gah... gah... gah... *pees all over himself and the woman*

Stay Classy, NYC.

Spotted yesterday on 45th and 3rd Ave, some guy flossing his teeth while on the phone.




I mean, hang up if you're gonna floss your teeth on the sidewalk. So rude!

My Joel Overfloweth.

Some selections from Joel's suggestion box posted outside the apartment complex clubhouse:

Hey Joel, how about not eating dick so late in the night by the pool. Some people on the ground floor are trying to sleep!

Joel– i am a 42 year old mother of 2. Your activites are inappropriate for young children, so I am having them sent to their grandmother. Now I can party with you, hot body!

my name is Queromo. i from venezuelan. you eat my dick last saturday and now i hab silverfish in my home. you should bathe

HeyJoel: How about Yoohoo in the vending machines? I know the machines aren't refrigerated, but i don't think Yoo Hoo needs to be refrigerated, does it? Please? Or are you not even in charge of the drink machines? Fuck off!

SUGGESTON: ALL OF US NEED TO LEARN TO USE SPELLCHECK

Hello. My name is Andrew Gall. No suggestion here. Porkchop sandwiches! Look at all your different colored hats!

(pictured above, Tom Weingard goes window shopping)