Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

A Real Ad

Huh? What? 

Wat.

The ProofrEADJer: August Edition

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

Spotted In Jersey

Have a dangerous assignment? Have no one to turn to? Turn to THE TRANSPORTER.

Are you in possession of a dangerous package that you need to deliver to Chinese gangsters by midnight? Do you need to avoid the involvement of the Feds, the local police, and rival gangs? You need THE TRANSPORTER.

THE TRANSPORTER drives only his Hyundai Elantra. He will NOT drive one of your armored town cars or illegally modified Lamborghini Countachs.

Also, THE TRANSPORTER can't drive an errand for you if the destination is the Millburn Center Strip Mall. He is no longer allowed on the premises after an incident at Foot Locker.

Got missile codes that need to be delivered to the agency head of Counter Terrorism? Need to deliver a one-of-a-kind life saving serum to an orphanage before a typhoon strikes in 2 hours? You need THE TRANSPORTER.

Need to unload alien technology with the CIA on your trail? Need to get a crucial time machine part to its inventor before his evil double from the future gets it? Trying to get a meteorite to the President to help him fight the Wolfman mafia? IT'S TIME TO CALL THE TRANSPORTER.

Except you should call his cell phone and not his home phone, because his roommate is a dick and doesn't always take down all of his messages. Not his roommate Todd, his roommate Dillon. Todd is cool.

Robo Morphers: Less Than Meets The Eye

As Christmas approaches, tons of blogs and TV shows roll out their annual gift ideas sections, suggesting solar-powered foot massagers or baseball-themed golf accessories and golf-themed baseball accessories. But what most of them ignore is that kids (especially boys) still want only one thing: Transformers.

Yes, undeterred by the failure of "Transformers 2: Rise Of The Fallen" and the underwhelming overwhelming of "Transformers 3: Dark Of The Moon," scores of kids still want transforming robots in their lives.


And who can blame them? Shit is awesome. The idea of a truck transforming into a fighting biped robot is almost irresistible to most male brains (except Andy Dick).



But as I was perusing the aisles of K-Mart the other day, I happened upon a cheaper alternative to the famous Autobots:




Sad, right? I felt so bad for this Endcap of Misfit Toys, that I bought three of them to examine what made them special.





Here are some quick clips of what the toys sound like:







Wow, it almost sounds as if the toymakers were too cheap to record three different sounds and just applied the same one to all three.

And... here they come! Robo Morphers: Stay assembled!

Bill Dow is Indirectly Responsible For This

Spotted in Quincy, IL (????), an ad for a transmission repair place:


This begs several questions:

• They know what a tranny is in Quincy, right?
• So they know that they named their entire business around a tranny joke, right?
• And they know that their target audience probably aren't trannies, right?
• And they can't be completely surprised if someone completely misguided sees this ad with the clip art doctor thinking it's actually a tranny clinic, right?
• Uh, that isn't a real tranny clinic, or is it?
• Why did they have to move?

Figure 7.8: How Some Things Suck More Than Others

(Click to enlarge)

We've taken the time to plot "Incident On a Dark Street" on the EADJ Crappinema Badness Scale. You'll see it falls between "Shell Game" and "All the Kind Strangers," which means it was actually pretty semi-watchable.

And just for scale of reference to mainstream movies, if I were to put "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" on this graph, you'd see it between "Somewhere Tomorrow" and "Jock of the Bushveldt." Yeah, THAT bad.

Maybe A Little Obsessive.

I spotted in a recent issue of "Fantastic Man" magazine, one of those M&M ads that turns celebrities into creepy edible versions of themselves.


I noticed his signature, and it got me wondering if the DVD he gave me a long time ago was really signed by him or by some PA flunkie.


So a quick check verified the arrogantly ambitious "M," the overcomplicated "B" and the plot-be-damned "Y" flourish. It's a match!


Yay, I can now forge trillion dollar checks at the Check Cashing place on 9th Street.

Some Questions That Joel Hasn't Answered Yet

• How did you get so good at eating dick?

• Does the super-speed at which you eat dick ever cause indigestion?

• What did you think of that "Transformers" movie?

• What's a good wine to go with Spanish dick?

• Do you consider balls a side dish?

• Have any relatives ever found this blog? What have they thought of it?

• Melba toast or crackers?

• When you freelance, how do you box your dick lunch?

• Have you ever gone to Costco to get dick in volume to save money?

• Have you ever started eating dick, only to realize that you're actually enjoying a taco salad from Chevy's?

(pictured above, a joke only art directors get)

A Photoshop Experiment

Pictured below, per a suggestion by Andrew Gall, Photoshopping a certain ECD's eyes on a GI Joe works pretty good.

New EADJ Segment: Brynn's Posytyve Spynn

So here's the deal with this new segment. We read a hard-hitting, possibly upsetting news article, and our lil' Brynn puts her 'posytyve spynn' on the subject– the silver lining. Then comedy somehow appears magically, I dunno.



*Bonus info: Brynn has asked EADJ to remove her last name from the blog, so that when she Googles herself, "Eat A Dick Joel" doesn't show up as the FIRST listing anymore.

Wotta Guy.

(pictured above, the actual signed DVD that Michael Bay sent me)

Curlz My Lip.

(pictured above, a trip to the cookie aisle is ruined by Peter Krivkovich)