EADJ Presents: Where Are They Now?

After releasing his own solo album, session musician Berry Clouds retired from music and now runs a dry cleaning business out of his 8 bedroom home with his 3 wives and 16 children.

Stunt performer and martial arts master Gochujang Mang is currently touring with his dojo on a speaking tour, motivating high schoolers to get more involved in their community and to spread the gospel of fitness. His name has become a war cry of teen positivity. Gochujang Mang!

Disgraced magicians Piso Mojado and Sol Humide are planning a comeback tour, starting in the Denver, Colorado bar circuit. So far they've sold out 3 taverns and one cocktail lounge with their witty and ribald card tricks. Mojado still must report to his parole officer on a regular basis.

Crime boss S'mores McFlurry is still missing after breaking out of a minimum security prison in Nouvelle-Aquitaine in southwestern France. Authorities say he could be anywhere from Portugal to Fiji and urge anyone to report a kindly old Irishman with a raging six pack.

UDE

The ProofrEADJer: Mid April Edition

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

UAG

CSI: EADJ: Third Watch

The crack team of forensic scientists at the neon-bright CSI lab are at it again. Solving baffling crimes using the latest technology and their imaginations, these specialized experts will tackle the cases that the regular cops won't. Or can't. Or shan't. Or Kant.


---------

CASE 489572
Location: outside a liquor store in Hoboken, NJ

---------

CASE 489573
Location: Penn Station subway tracks, NYC

---------

CASE 489574
Location: Up the road from a supermarket in South Orange, NJ

---------

CASE 489575
Location: Various train tracks in NY and NJ

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

If you ever want to make the value of your sports car plummet, have Rick Ross sit on the hood.

Jimmy Mulaaaa is so confused with all his material goods and extra As in his name that he tries to make a phone call on a stack of money.

Jose Guapo is so confused by his massive illustrated size that he answers the stack of money that started ringing.

"Definitiono Fag?"

No wonder the polar icecaps have been melting- Pitbull's been pissing on them.

It does a heart good to see a narcissistic/untalented rapper like Soulja Boy have his actual name MISSPELLED on a mix tape cover.

I really don't know where to start with this one. It wins this round for its awesomeness.

Looks like someone couldn't pass up the Duty Free shops at Charles De Gaulle Airport!

I Must Have This Album

In Target, I spotted a familiar face on the CD display.


Is that Robin Meade from CNN? The pretty, perky anchor and sometimes morning host who somehow wears too much makeup? With an album?


Why, yes it is.


And I guess someone told her she can sing, because there's a whole album of her country songs. Unfortunately, there were NO CDS AVAILABLE in the racks, so I had to just press the button to hear Robin's tunes. And what I heard sounded like a donkey/cat hybrid violating a truckload of mis-tuned violins.



I MUST OWN THIS ALBUM. This is unfortunately a Target Exclusive, so I have to go back to check if they restocked it next week.

Soon, my dear Robin, soon. Your donkey/cat hybrid voice will be mine to crank from my Prius.

Side note: Is it just me, or does that song sound like The Eagles' "Life In The Fast Lane?"

Side side note: Duh. That's a Don Henley cover song. No wonder. I never made that connection that the two songs were similar.

Death, Taxes, and Pathmark

I used to love doing this bit. Then I grew tired of it. Then I quit doing it. Then I reluctantly started doing the bit again. Now I love it again. It's so... comforting.

Maybe A Little Obsessive.

I spotted in a recent issue of "Fantastic Man" magazine, one of those M&M ads that turns celebrities into creepy edible versions of themselves.


I noticed his signature, and it got me wondering if the DVD he gave me a long time ago was really signed by him or by some PA flunkie.


So a quick check verified the arrogantly ambitious "M," the overcomplicated "B" and the plot-be-damned "Y" flourish. It's a match!


Yay, I can now forge trillion dollar checks at the Check Cashing place on 9th Street.

You Know, You Don't Need an iPhone Application For That.

Pictured above, a total waste of two bucks.
Hell, I'm saving two bucks as we speak.

Let's Promise To Buy the EADJ Mail Sack One of The New 3G iPhones But Never Get Around To It!

Submitted by Tom Weingard:
"Darn right it’s unclassifiable."

Click to enlarge and read:

Oh, That Joel.

Despite his never-ending need to consume massive amounts of dick, Joel still somehow maintains the reputation as a ladies man.

Just yesterday at a Cracker Barrel, four waitresses hit on him at different times. Karla the greeter gave Joel the "tongue-between-two-fingers" symbol as she found him a booth. Deborah (not to be confused with Debbie, the line cook) slipped Joel a napkin with her phone number and a brief description of her nipples. Natalie, when bringing Joel his plate of Country Fried Dick with a side of "Smashed Potatoes," leaned over so he could get a glimpse of her A-cup cleavage. And Serena threw some of her pubes in his fried apples.

Joel, of course, loves the attention. If you've ever seen Joel at the gym, he's always looking in the mirror, but only to see who is checking him out doing his wrist curls.

Plus, Joel is indeed a handsome man. So much so that women don't mind kissing a mouth they know has been furiously chowing down mindboggling amounts of cock. And most men don't mind placing their dicks where lots of women have left their gum.

(pictured above, something really erotic or really painful– I can't decide which)

This is the New Stuff.

This is the New Thing.