Spotted at Stop & Shop

This milk is good until insurrection.

Somehow It's Time Again To Play "Which Can, Erickson?"

(click to enlarge)

Match the toilets with their location. The icon of different type of cloud has been included as a hint for you meteorologically inclined:

• Rio Restaurant, Union NJ (Cumulus)

• SeaWorld, Orlando FL (Cumulonimbus)

• NJ Transit Train (Altocumulus)

• Red Lobster, Laurel MD (Stratus)

• Hamilton on Broadway, Richard Rodgers Theatre, NYC (Cirrus)

• Tijuana Picnic, NYC (Stratocumulus)

The answers will be posted tomorrow! Good luck!

Other Crap That Came Out Of Stacey Dash's Mouth

Actress Stacey Dash has lately made herself a reliable source of controversy due to comments she makes as a pundit on the Fox News channel. Her seemingly contrary positions on Black History Month, BET,  transgender bathroom rights ("Go in the bushes."), and Paula Deen have people wondering what other positions she has taken. EADJ has done some fake research, and here are a few:


• She's convinced the Toyota girl, the AT&T girl, and Flo from Progressive are all secret lesbians.

• She won't look into a bathroom mirror in the dark and say "Barack Obama" three times, because that means he'll appear and provide affordable healthcare to all Americans.

• She thinks Kim Jong Il has cute dimples

• Donald Trump is a patient, thoughtful, humble politician who's reluctantly running for President because he feels the shrinking middle class has lost a voice in Washington.

• Helium makes balloons sink.

• She believes 9/11 was perpetrated by Gremlins, who by the way are atheists.

• Because of the lyrics to the song "Every Breath You Take," she has put a 1000-yard restraining order on Sting.

• Stacey Dash sides with the Joker and Penguin on almost every episode of "Batman."

• You like the vertical striped curtains? Stacey Dash liked the horizontal stripes better.

• She says Listerine is run by Jews who are trying to rid your gums of "good, Christian germs."

• She thought Season 2 of "True Detective" was awesome.

• Solar energy is a direct hippie Muslim attack on honest, hardworking oil companies who love the Lord.

• Alicia Silverstone is a good actress.

The ProofrEADJer, Marchish Edition

Spotted In Jersey

Have a dangerous assignment? Have no one to turn to? Turn to THE TRANSPORTER.

Are you in possession of a dangerous package that you need to deliver to Chinese gangsters by midnight? Do you need to avoid the involvement of the Feds, the local police, and rival gangs? You need THE TRANSPORTER.

THE TRANSPORTER drives only his Hyundai Elantra. He will NOT drive one of your armored town cars or illegally modified Lamborghini Countachs.

Also, THE TRANSPORTER can't drive an errand for you if the destination is the Millburn Center Strip Mall. He is no longer allowed on the premises after an incident at Foot Locker.

Got missile codes that need to be delivered to the agency head of Counter Terrorism? Need to deliver a one-of-a-kind life saving serum to an orphanage before a typhoon strikes in 2 hours? You need THE TRANSPORTER.

Need to unload alien technology with the CIA on your trail? Need to get a crucial time machine part to its inventor before his evil double from the future gets it? Trying to get a meteorite to the President to help him fight the Wolfman mafia? IT'S TIME TO CALL THE TRANSPORTER.

Except you should call his cell phone and not his home phone, because his roommate is a dick and doesn't always take down all of his messages. Not his roommate Todd, his roommate Dillon. Todd is cool.

EADJ Crappinuum

So how did "The Casino Job" do?

(Click to enlarge)

Well, it sucked more than William Shatner's "Incident On A Dark Street" but it didn't suck quite as much as "Jeremy's Family Reunion." I would by no means call it enjoyable in any case.

The actual DVD Artwork:

Side note: I carried that DVD in my messenger bag for a few days, and people who spotted it in there automatically thought it was a porno. Thanks, "Casino Job" for getting me suspicious looks from a New Jersey Transit conductor.

Is That An Erect Penis In Your Pants, Or Are You Just Lobster To See Me?

Lobsterfest® seems to pop up at the least convenient time for people– when you're doing your taxes, when you've been caught shoplifting, or when you just murdered your high school guidance counselor. Still, here at Red Lobster, it's our commitment to serving this lobster stuff to you no matter what, so you just better recognize and show the fuck up. This newest batch of savory ways to enjoy lobster have been submitted by guest servers Andrew, Vince, Megan and Shaleah:

• At Red Lobster, we know that respecting the ancestors of lobsters is an important thing. Before these lobsters are consumed in fits of glorious gluttonousness (and with tasty rolls and possible sprinkle cookie desserts!), we allow our lobsters to steal old lobster shells from the tables and burn them in an effigy of sorts. And that’s a rather confusing and possibly nonsensical way to enjoy Lobsterfest at Red Lobster!

• In the interest of all fairness and impartiality, for one weekend every second month, we invite the local lobster contingency to sit around our largest oak family dining table and eat a human. We also distribute bibs with humans on them so the lobsters can have a sanitary dining experience. Following the meal, everyone gets wafers. And that’s a pretty darn fair way to enjoy Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!

• In addition to being a family restaurant, we at Red Lobster consider the lobster sacred. Almost like a deity. But not quite, since we serve copious amounts daily and our livelihood depends on customers eating them. Nevertheless, we sometimes, without warning, encourage diners to wear rubber bands on their hands to honor lobsters—beginning with the kitchen staff and franchise general manager. We find it’s easy to pressure everyone into doing something when we do it first and then bother you when we bring you your bread but before we bring you your lobster. And that’s just another way to enjoy Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!

• By insisting customers have a sunburn in order to eat our lobster at our restaurant, we once again attempt to respect the great snapping sea-beast while at the time eating them ravenously. What a buttery moral dilemma! And that’s just another way to enjoy Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!

• Everyone at Olive Garden dips their bread sticks in butter, then storms Red Lobster in excitement. It’s like holding a staff from a position of authority. We’re talking kings and horsemen, archdukes and sailors, but sailors who want to be from an earlier period where women stayed home and men ate more fish than is medically recommended! And that’s just ANOTHER way to enjoy Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!



(BONUS JOKE: FROM VINCE)

What did one male lobster say to the other male lobster when they were on the prowl?

Hey, ready to get some lobster tail?




Editor's Note: after sending these entries, Andrew wrote: "for some reason, many of these were based on some sort of lobster affirmative action, I now realize."

Also, Vince has been awarded the Onyx Mollusk Award at the bottom of this page for submitting a bonus joke.

Very Important Announcements

Can anyone tell me what the fuck the flight attendant's saying here?

Bill Dow is Indirectly Responsible For This

Spotted in Quincy, IL (????), an ad for a transmission repair place:


This begs several questions:

• They know what a tranny is in Quincy, right?
• So they know that they named their entire business around a tranny joke, right?
• And they know that their target audience probably aren't trannies, right?
• And they can't be completely surprised if someone completely misguided sees this ad with the clip art doctor thinking it's actually a tranny clinic, right?
• Uh, that isn't a real tranny clinic, or is it?
• Why did they have to move?

An Utterly Riveting EADJ Entry

The other morning on the jitney to the train, I spotted a weird plant on the driver's pants:



It wasn't weed. But it looked like he had run through some woods or hedges. Or maybe he helped some old lady carry a plant to her car.

Or more likely, it's because he drives the shuttle literally through branches. Watch the bushwacking after he picks somebody up:



Holy crap. This entry is so boring that I don't even want to do a closing thought.

Just A Closer Walk Whut? Thee

Spotted in a church program in a Methodist church:


Redman? I'm pretty sure it's not the same one as I'm thinking.


Who knows. Maybe. Rappers do shout out to God, too.