Things Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex and Meghan Markle, Duchess of Sussex Talk About

• How Grandpa looks silly in that crown

• What tell-all books they could write, now that both of them have already told all in tell-all books

• What's new on Netflix

• How things were different shooting on Hallmark Movie sets, but different in a good way

• Where to store these polo boots in this lousy 2 bedroom apartment

• If being a Duke or Duchess expedites hiring at Walmart

• Who farted

Royal Match Review Update

Note: This is an update to a May 16 entry

It has recently been brought to our attention that the feckless, helpless, useless king in the Royal Match mobile game has a name:

KING ROBERT. That's the name given to the constant need to be rescued, to the uncanny ability to find themselves in very specific types of danger, and to the inability to properly govern your subjects because you're almost getting drowned by snowman vomit. LONG LIVE KING ROBERT

EADJ Pun Police: Kid Kop Edition

I'm Sergeant Tobey Haskins and I'm here to round up all the bad pun suspects and throw 'em in a jail! You better watch out with your dumb wordplays, criminals!

"Now screaming?" It's not too bad, plus it fits the content. I'll let them off with a warning."

"Bin There Dump That?" That's a very punny title. I sentence you to 5 minutes in my treehouse jail with NO Kool-Aid privileges! Watch yourself next time."

"As Gouda As It Gets?! Oh this is AWFUL. I know what gouda cheese is, because my mom let me taste some at Aunt Eunice's dinner party. I didn't like it, just like I DON'T LIKE THIS BAD PUN. Everybody gets a bonk on the head from my nightstick. JUSTICE WILL BE DONE."

"Calling all cars! Calling all cars! I need backup at the gift card section of Barnes and Noble! Officer has been exposed to THREE very bad puns and we need backup! Bring the SWAT team and shoot on sight! Surround the store and surrounding buildings for a 3 block radius. BRING EVERYONE!"

25 Days of Hallmark Movies, Day 8: "Christmas At The Palace"

There should be a special subgroup of Hallmark movies with royalty. It's the standard romantic wish fulfillment fantasy with a huge helping of plain ol' greed on top of it. Only in these movies do you see such handsome, rich, incredibly AVAILABLE princes who are just looking for that special American girl who can see beyond his incredible riches to appreciate the real him, and then share in his incredible riches. Dream on, Amber.

Romance Factor: 6 out of 10

Christmas Cheer: 6 out of 10

Overall Rating: 6 out of 10

Time Until First Kiss: 01:22:37

The ProofrEADJer: August Edition

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week of May 26

We know now that the only people who still tweet are PG&E brands, out-of-touch influencers who aren't influencing shit anymore, and the worst president in the history of the United States. So in case you're still on Twitter and you are any of these people, feel free to use any of these awful hashtags in your own failing feed:

#gayasteroid

#walnutsizedclitoris

#DaisyDukeastronautsuit

#Playboymansiondaycare

#flickingcashewsatthePope

#huffingnormalbreathingair

#watchingCSPANwithmydickout

#gigihadadpingpongflimflamflipflop

#atrailofgunpowderalongthesmallofmyback