Kermit the Frog Was Happy

Kermit the Frog was happy.

Cushions was confused.

Chairs On A Porch glared.

Gym Windows was suspicious.

Sandals groaned.

An Odd Word Choice

 "Seemingly"? Okay. Your dish rags and sponges will be seemingly dry and clean— even if they aren't.

The ProofrEADJer: November To Remember Edition

Spotted In A McDonald's Bathroom

Their Southwest Salad gets some free advertising.

I [Bladder] New York

The ubiquity of cell phones combined with the dearth of public restrooms have created a new use for old public phone kiosks in New York City. Guess what it is.


That's right. Pee! The semi-privacy combined with the fact that no one uses them anymore (many of the phones haven't functioned for ages) make them perfect places to answer nature's call (LOL!) anywhere in the city. Got a cup? Then you got yourself a urinal, my friend!


The streaks indicate that some people aim high.





So now you're asking, have I done this before? What, are you nuts? Like many others, I choose to go to the nearest bar, order a beer, chug it and use the bathroom, then have a full bladder when I leave, making the entire trip useless. Don't you?






♪ New York...Concrete jungle where pee's dis-posed of... ♫

The EADJ Crapcade Review: 2Balls1Cup

Today we review the iPhone game 2Balls1Cup by Eyedip (iTunes link), makers of Pig Vomit, Bust Balls, and Dung Luck. I am not shitting you.

Yes, it's pretty hard not to download something named so similarly to a certain spectacular video (NSFW), especially when it's going for a mere 99¢. So download I did and started that bad boy up.



The instruction screen confirmed my suspicion that the developers were "with it" and didn't stumble upon the game title by accident:


They did, however, decide to go with a bunch of "balls" jokes instead of referencing one girl eating another girl's shit out a cup. Wise.


The in-game music was carnival-like and irritating. The animation of the cups shuffling was crude like a web banner.




I never got to Level 3, but it's safe to assume that it contains faster shitty shuffling graphics and more "balls" jokes. Still, overall, it's a far better game than Touchballs, so I'll award this game a solid D.

Well, Those Are Big.

Spotted in Starbucks this afternoon: a girl wearing the most gigantic sunglasses in the world.

An Open Letter To The Bathroom Attendant At Any Bar

Oh, hey. Wassup.

Yeah, I'm sort of surprised that you're here. I mean, this is a bar called Scalawag's, so I didn't expect white glove service in the pisser. I just came here to do my biz and go back to drinking.

Oh, thanks. I see you've turned on the faucet for me. Nice. That's some serious service there. Again, not the type of service I was expecting in this 5" x 5" bathroom with "TODD IS A NUTTSUKER" scrawled on the wall. Yeah, just gonna wash my hands real quick and... oh! A paper towel! You are handing me a paper towel that I could have grabbed from the dispenser myself?! Well, la-di-da, aren't we in fancy-pants land now. Look at me! It's like I'm at the Ritz! Oh, and look at the fine selection of sundry mints and candies in your basket! I can choose ANY of them? Even after other dudes have touched it shortly after touching their penises? Well, after all that service (and even a bit of chit chat) I feel compelled to throw a second dollar in your till. No, really. I feel COMPELLED.

Let's be honest here– this is possibly the definition of unnecessary. I understand you're trying to make an extra buck, but I will be goddamned if I have to tip you a dollar every time I come back here to wee-wee. You're not here at 3pm, so why should I tip you for working here at 9pm? And I'm not going to try that "give-you-a-twenty-so-I-can-come-back-as-many-times-without-tipping" trick, because I know for a fact that you always pretend to forget who I am.

You know, I'll go so far as to say you're actually a health hazard. Yes, that's right. I've seen quite a few guys avoid eye contact with you and NOT wash their hands just so they don't have to throw you a buck. Sure, they are cheap and disgusting, but I think any forthcoming listeriosis outbreaks will be on your conscience, my friend.

Can we make a rule of thumb here? Anytime a bar doesn't have tablecloths on the tables and pheasant under glass, you don't have to stand at the sink in that bathroom. Then I don't have to feel bad about letting out a loud clap of a fart whenever I'm at the urinal. Deal, champ? Sweet.

Good talk.

In My Country, There Is Problem.

Toucan Cleric's Fun's office is located near some diplomatic offices. Special parking along a couple of streets is designated only for diplomats' town cars, with their drivers patiently waiting all day to whisk them away at any time to a tapas restaurant or knockoff electronics store (wow, that was racist).


So that's all well and good, but it begs the question, if limo drivers have to wait around all day, where do they ever use the bathroom?

Simple:

Whoa.

I'm not a motorcycle rider, so I don't know if this is super-common or not. But I noticed that a neighbor's bike has a cup holder on it:



Please tell me that's not for coffee.

Dear Santa:

Why do they put ice in the urinals at "classy" bars and restaurants? I mean, it's totally fun and all to urinate on ice and see it melt. I once read a news story about a guy who was trapped in a car by an avalanche and saved himself by urinating his way out after drinking bottles of beer. So it's fun and can save your life, but I digress. Why do places that have cloth napkins take the trouble to dump ice cubes in the pisser? Why is that considered high class or special?

And why am I asking you, Santa? Don't you have more pressing things to do than reading my letter, like ordering your elves around or not existing?

Have a good one,
EADJ

A Note the Wife Left

Step 1: Get a slip of paper
Step 2: Find a pen
Step 3: Write a note
Step 4: Crack open the dishwasher door
Step 5: Put pen back

OR

Step 1: Empty the goddamn dishwasher



Here's one that John Reid left:

You Do Know What That Means, Right?

(pictured above, O Water wins for Worst Possible Bottled Water Slogan. Click the second picture to enlarge)