UAG

Well, Lookee Here- Another Off-Brand T.P. Roundup!

Well, apparently the EADJ filing system needs improvement, because we just happened upon a folder of enough off brand T.P. photos to rustle together an actual entry. Go figure.


Off Brand Name: Renew
Graphic/Design on Label: Leaves (very telling of the texture)
Type of Sears Tool It Feels Like When Wiping With: Craftsman belt sander


Off Brand Name: Renature Bathroom Tissue (get it?)
Graphic/Design on Label: Maple leaf border surrounding a sketch of a pine tree that looks like it was drawn by someone sticking a Sharpie up their ass.
Which of the Seven Dwarves This T.P. Would Be: Grumpy


Off Brand Name: Genuine Joe Bath Absorbent Tissue
Graphic/Design on Label: Abstract janitor-looking guy with a red spray bottle(?!?!??!)
Breed of Cat That Would Appreciate This Paper: Cornish Rex


Off Brand Name: 'S' Quality Bathroom Tissue
Graphic/Design on Label: Big Blue 'S'
Physical Characteristics of Someone After Using This Paper Big Blue 'S'

A Better Look

On Monday, we posted an entry that featured a bit of creative graffiti using a strip of black tape on a crossing light on 9th Street and 2nd Ave in Brooklyn (probably the work of someone from the nearby hipster hotspot The Bell House).

We shot another photo of the crossing light at night to get the full effect (Editor's Note: Sammy Hagar was added digitally after the photo was taken).


After showing this to the wife, J'Net said, "Well, at least they didn't make a middle finger." How true, J'Net. How true.

Learning About New Cultures

I'm pretty sure lots of people just don't get Americans.

Finding His Center

You know those "balance trainers" for skaters and snowboarders, which are essentially wooden boards on a spool? Well, Joel got one of those to "strengthen his core" whilst eating dick. His Erotic Yoga classes at Curves were doing a pretty good job of toning his legs and chest, but Joel noticed that he needed more. But with his time-consuming hobby of dick-consuming, it was getting hard (ha) for Joel to really get a wholistic workout. So he found a suitable training board in the latest Lillian Vernon catalog and ordered one. His chimp servant Chad Yarborough is expecting the package later this afternoon.

EADJ will update you soon on Joel's review of the balancing ripoff board.

Some Questions That Joel Hasn't Answered Yet

• How did you get so good at eating dick?

• Does the super-speed at which you eat dick ever cause indigestion?

• What did you think of that "Transformers" movie?

• What's a good wine to go with Spanish dick?

• Do you consider balls a side dish?

• Have any relatives ever found this blog? What have they thought of it?

• Melba toast or crackers?

• When you freelance, how do you box your dick lunch?

• Have you ever gone to Costco to get dick in volume to save money?

• Have you ever started eating dick, only to realize that you're actually enjoying a taco salad from Chevy's?

(pictured above, a joke only art directors get)