The NEWEST Perks of an AMC Stubs Membership

If you've been thinking of joining AMC's Stubs Rewards program, you've picked the perfect time, because AMC Theatres have announced a whole slew of new benefits for new members. Here are some of them:

• Free pinto bean topping with every popcorn purchase

• Free snazzy AMC vest so you can fool people into thinking you work here.

• If one of your limbs has recently been amputated, you can show your stub instead of your Stubs card.

• Midnight screening of the 1992 film "Glengarry Glen Ross" (NO AUDIO)

• If requested, an usher will sit next to you and cover your ears whenever an objectionable word is said.

• We can get you Maria Menounos's home phone number if you ask nicely.

25 Days of Hallmark Movies: Day 16: "A Christmas Melody" Starring Mariah Carey, Lacy Chabert and Brennan Elliott

Finally, a Hallmark movie that enjoys the halo effect of Mariah Carey's 2001 smash hit "Glitter."

Plot summary: "A single mother moves back to her hometown with her young daughter. Having a hard time adjusting, the daughter seeks help from her music teacher to write a song for the Christmas variety show."

Romance Factor: 6 out of 10

Christmas Cheer: 7 out of 10

Overall Rating: 6.5 out of 10

Time Until First Kiss: 01:18:08

20 More Things That Are Cuter Than Ariana Grande

The three previous entries of this subject covered quite a lot of ground when it comes to things that are more adorable than Ariana Grande, who by all impressions seems to think she's the baby bee's knees wrapped up in baby cat's pajamas with big manga eyes. Well, we're here to call bullshit on Ariana's claim and to present 20 way cuter alternatives:

1. Pandas dressed up as Teletubbies

2. Baby chicks wearing those little football helmets you used to get from gumball machines

3. The word "snafu"

4. Puppies with hiccups

5. Any cartoon bunny dressed up like a gangster

6. Children cosplaying as Jawas

7. Making a hamster eat at one of those tiny white pizza tables

8. Roly polys

9. Miss Piggy's aggressive courting style

10. A toddler trying to work a keg

11. European police sirens

12. Erotic hand shadow puppets

13. Gingham

14. People who stretch out their suspenders when thinking

15. The last Brussels sprout on your plate

16. Non-personalized license plates that still spell words like "HMM" or "YAH"
17. Calling a gunnery sergeant "gunny"
18. Miniature sombreros
19. Kittens sleeping in a Hulk Hand
20. That tiny puff of smoke when Wile E. Coyote hits the distant ground after falling

Some Questions That Joel Hasn't Answered Yet

• How did you get so good at eating dick?

• Does the super-speed at which you eat dick ever cause indigestion?

• What did you think of that "Transformers" movie?

• What's a good wine to go with Spanish dick?

• Do you consider balls a side dish?

• Have any relatives ever found this blog? What have they thought of it?

• Melba toast or crackers?

• When you freelance, how do you box your dick lunch?

• Have you ever gone to Costco to get dick in volume to save money?

• Have you ever started eating dick, only to realize that you're actually enjoying a taco salad from Chevy's?

(pictured above, a joke only art directors get)