I Apologize In Advance For This Post.

Spotted at a public building in Maplewood, NJ:

The phrase "Mechanical Penthouse" made me think of this:

 

“Pathmark Is the Only Thing Stronger Than Fear."

I Went To the Doctor's Office Recently

The receptionist was rude. The doctor was inattentive.

But at least the space heater in the examination room was friendly.

Whatsoever You Do To The Least of My Pathmark...

Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Watched

"Tell me it's past my bedtime NOW!"

"Eek! You know, this counts as sexual assault, right?"

"And now, through the magic of dance, the Cirque du Soleil dancers will demonstrate how LASIK works!"

"You're from the gutter. Just like me. We stink."

The ProofrEADJer: Itchy Taint Edition

The EADJ Pun Police: Detroit, In The Near Future

[...]

[.......]

[BIOS SYSTEM CHECK]

[RAM CHECK]

[CONFIG.SYS]

[MEMORY SET]

[SYSTEM STATUS]

[OK]

[TARGET ACQUIRED: TERRIBLE PUNS]

["TIME TO CLEAN THE STREETS."]

[THE LAST SUPPER  THE CAST SUPPER]

[CAST (N): THE ACTORS TAKING PART IN A PLAY, MOVIE, OR OTHER PRODUCTION]

[SHOOTS BULLET HOLES IN TRUCK]

[TARGET ELIMINATED]

[THEY'RE TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT  THEY'RE TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIFT]

[SHIFT (N): ONE OR TWO OR MORE RECURRING PERIODS IN WHICH DIFFERENT GROUPS OF WORKERS DO THE SAME JOBS IN RELAY]

[21 JUMP STREET: A TV SERIES WHERE POLICEMEN POSED AS TEENAGERS]

[PUN STATUS: PRETTY GOOD]

[LEAVES ALONE]

[JUST BE YOURSELF  JUST BEAD YOURSELF]

[BEAD (N): A SMALL PIECE OF GLASS, STONE OR SIMILAR MATERIAL, TYPICALLY ROUNDED AND PERFORATED FOR THREADING WITH OTHERS AS A NECKLACE OR FOR SEWING ONTO FABRIC]

[BE (V): TO EXIST]

[PUN STATUS: CUTESY, AWFUL]

[LAUNCHES RPG THROUGH FRONT WINDOW]

[TARGET ELIMINATED]

["JUST BE ON FIRE."]

[DAD, YOU RULE]

[RULE (N): A STRIP OF WOOD OR OTHER RIGID MATERIAL USED FOR MEASURING LENGTH OR MARKING STRAIGHT LINES]

[RULE (V): BE A DOMINANT OR POWERFUL FACTOR OR FORCE]

[PUN STATUS: LAZY]

[LAUNCHES 4 GRENADES UNDER DOORWAY]

[TARGET ELIMINATED]

["HAVE A NICE DAY, CREEP."]

[DON'T BE FOOLISH  DON'T BE 'FUELISH']

[FOOLISH (ADJ): SILLY; RIDICULOUS]

[FUEL (N): MATERIAL SUCH AS COAL, GAS, OR OIL THAT IS BURNED TO PRODUCE HEAT OR POWER]

[PUN STATUS: CRINGEWORTHY]

[DRIVES POLICE CAR THROUGH WALL, SHOOTS EVERYONE IN THE FOOT]

[TARGET ELIMINATED]

["YOU ARE IN VIOLATION OF CODE 4.13. YOU ARE UNDER ARREST"]

[ARM YOURSELF WITH A FLU SHOT]

[PUN STATUS: NOT CLEVER]

[RUNS OVER SUSPECTS WITH DELIVERY VAN, SHOOTS FOUR IN THE ARM]

[TARGET ELIMINATED]

["I AM LITERALLY SHOOTING YOU IN THE ARM."]

[GRAB HEALTH BY THE NUTS]

[NUT (N): SA FRUIT CONSISTING OF A HARD OR TOUGH SHELL AROUND AN EDIBLE KERNEL]

[NUT (N): TESTICLE (CONSIDERED VULGAR)]

[PUN STATUS: CRASS]

[PULLS HANDGUN OUT OF THIGH HATCH, SHOOTS SUSPECT IN THE FACE]

[TARGET ELIMINATED]

["WELCOME TO DETROIT, CHUMP."]

[NAPOLEON BONAPARTE  NAPOLEON BLOWNAPART]

[FRENCH GENERAL WHO BECAME EMPEROR OF THE FRENCH (1769-1821)]

[PUN STATUS: UNFUNNY, UNNECESSARY- THERE IS NO NAPOLEON HAT PRESENT]

[EXPLODES MAIN SUPPORT BEAM WHICH CRUSHES EVERYONE HIDING INSIDE]

[TARGET ELIMINATED]

["BOO YAH, DUMBASS."]

[OCCUPY WALL STREET DOGGUPY UNION SQUARE]

[PUN STATUS: DANGEROUSLY AWFUL]

[CAUSING INTERNAL PROBøfl⁄⁄⁄

♥

♦

♣

♠

❆

❇

❈

❉

❊

■

❏

☺

☻

•

◘

○

❐TT

✩ ✪ ✫ ✬ ✭ ✮ ✯ U+273x ✰ ✱ ✲ ✳ ✴ ✵ ✶ ✷ ✸ ✹ ✺ ❑

❒

▲

▼

◆

❖

◗

❘

❙

▼ ◆ ❖ ◗ ❘ ❙ ▼ ◆ ❖ ◗ ❘ ❙ ▼ ◆ ❖ ◗ ❘ ❙ ❚

❛

❜

❝

❞

[RESTARTING]

[...]

[.......]

[BIOS SYSTEM CHECK]

[OK]

[CONTINUE MISSION]

[LIQUIDATION LIQWOODATION]

[LIQUIDATION (N): TERMINATION OF A BUSINESS OPERATION BY USING ITS ASSETS TO DISCHARGE ITS LIABILITIES]

[PUN STATUS: POOR]

[DROPS LIT MATCH ONTO STACK OF LUMBER]

[TARGET LIQUIDATED]

["YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE?"]

[STRIKE A CHORD STRIKE A CORD]

[CHORD (N): A GROUP OF NOTES SOUNDED TOGETHER, AS A BASIS FOR HARMONY]

[CORD (N): SHORT FOR CORDUROY,  A THICK COTTON FABRIC WITH VELVETY RIBS]

[PUN STATUS: ANNOYING]

[THROWS PROPANE TANK IN AIR, SHOOTS TANK TO MAKE A HARD-TO-IGNORE EXPLOSION]

[TARGET LIQUIDATED]

["YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE?"]

[SERIES OF SHIT-AWFUL PUNS, INCLUDING SEVERAL THAT RELATE TO AVOCADOS]

[PUN STATUS: UNBEARABLE]

[DRIVES FUEL TRUCK OFF OVERPASS ONTO ROOF OF SUBWAY STORE]

[TARGET ELIMINATED]

["YOU CAN APPEAL THIS IN COURT."]

Robo Morphers: Less Than Meets The Eye

As Christmas approaches, tons of blogs and TV shows roll out their annual gift ideas sections, suggesting solar-powered foot massagers or baseball-themed golf accessories and golf-themed baseball accessories. But what most of them ignore is that kids (especially boys) still want only one thing: Transformers.

Yes, undeterred by the failure of "Transformers 2: Rise Of The Fallen" and the underwhelming overwhelming of "Transformers 3: Dark Of The Moon," scores of kids still want transforming robots in their lives.


And who can blame them? Shit is awesome. The idea of a truck transforming into a fighting biped robot is almost irresistible to most male brains (except Andy Dick).



But as I was perusing the aisles of K-Mart the other day, I happened upon a cheaper alternative to the famous Autobots:




Sad, right? I felt so bad for this Endcap of Misfit Toys, that I bought three of them to examine what made them special.





Here are some quick clips of what the toys sound like:







Wow, it almost sounds as if the toymakers were too cheap to record three different sounds and just applied the same one to all three.

And... here they come! Robo Morphers: Stay assembled!