The Daryl Hall Vocalization Quiz

Daryl Hall and Joan Oates were known for their catchy, hugely popular hits from the 80s. And in almost all of them, Daryl Hall ended the song with his unique brand of improvised vocalizations. As the music fades, you can hear him continuing to groove and reinforce the theme of the song with his scatting.

Here now is a quiz:

Identify the song by the Daryl Hall vocalization (some songs have multiple vocalizations):

1) Oooh but it’s wild oooh…

2) Watch out watch out watch out watch out…

3) We’re soul alone, girl…

4) I know it’s so hard for you…

5) Waiting for… waiting for… waiting for…

6) Oh I see you, oh I see you, private private private eyes girl…

7) Reach out, for something to hold…

8) Why do you have to say it isn’t…

9) Too cold girl… too cold girl… too cold girl…

Answers will be revealed Monday!

Newman's Own Salad Dressing Labels Have Changed and are No Longer Fun

THEN: 

Cheeky, customized illustrations of beloved actor Paul Newman dressed in various national garb to match the salad dressing flavor. So fun!

NOW:

Safe, uninspired bottle labels that shrank Newman's likeness and confined him to a small area, surrounded by floating ingredients, like some kind of salad Phantom Zone. Weak.

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Cut a Mango

1. Slice each side just past the seed, about a ¼ inch from the center.

2. Slice flesh without breaking the skin.

3. Scoop out slices with a large spoon and enjoy!

And speaking of breaking the skin, I once had a fare get stabbed while waiting for me to take him to a Tesla concert in 1989. I offered to take him to the hospital, but he wanted to go to the show. Some people are crazy fans!

Be safe, kids!

The ProofrEADJer: Miss March Edition

BREAKING NEWS-ISH

I got an email today from my local NJ suburban township, which admittedly doesn't have a full police blotter every week. The subject line: RABID BAT ALERT

August 21, 2012:  A bat that was found in Memorial Park on Monday morning August 20 was tested and found to have rabies.  The bat was acting unusual in that it was hanging on the side of a tree very low to the ground.  The tree is next to the blacktop walkway that runs from the Civic House to Oakview Ave, on the east side of the brook.  Thanks to an alert resident who contacted us early in the morning, the bat was removed by 9:00am prior to the start of any child day camps in the park.  The bat was captured and tested at the NJ State Health Dept. laboratory and found to have rabies.  There is no danger to any person or pet unless they had direct contact with the bat.  At this point no one has reported any contact with this bat.  If you know of any person or pet that may have had contact with this bat, please call the Maplewood Health Dept., XXX-XXX-XXXX x4400.

All this for ONE BAT. Nothing worse than having a full blotter anyway.

A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!!!!!

THANK YOU, BABY JESUS!!!!!!!

Goddammit

Let's suppose for a second that every time you said "Goddammit," that God would literally damn the thing to Hell that you just cursed. Here now is a short (and incomplete) list of things that He would now have damned for eternity:

• 4,893 bottles of Purell that didn't dispense properly
• 7,355,281,722 screen doors
• 89,477,162,976,933,800,323,713 barking dogs
• The Wall Street Journal
• the stop sign on the northeast corner of 510 N Oak Street, Searcy, Arkansas
• this blog
• Perry Ferrell
• 92 Dunkin Donuts stores
• 4,177 Dunkin Donuts employees
• taffeta fabric
• Phish
• 8,184,302,899 shelving units
• Ralph Nader
• the word "crevasse"
• 93,017,843,822,840,398,541,275,362,707,398,886,224 nails that didn't get hammered straight into a board
• Internet Explorer
• people who don't like the latest season of "The Simpsons"
• the shift button on 6,922,479 computer keyboards
• that Details photoshoot where Alex Rodriguez made like he was kissing himself
• The steps of the Statue of Liberty
• YOU

EADJ Surprising Hostility: "It Is What It Is."

"Shit happens." "Is it Friday yet?" and "Life's a beach" are all terrible, pretty tired clichés that still pop up on t-shirts and bumper stickers. But only one phrase has entered the lexicon that means absolutely nothing yet still gains popularity: "It is what it is."


What about this phrase has captured the public's lack of imagination? Well, it's certainly catchy, and if you're not paying attention, it sounds like you're actually saying something profound or knowing; it's a poor man's "Easy come, easy go."


If you're talking about the quality of something, at least "Garbage in, garbage out" describes how croddy ingredients create a croddy result and inspires you to do better. "It is what it is" just sits there and neither puts it down NOR compliments it. "It is what it is," is essentially saying "That thing is right over there being itself," and lets you just sit back and not think about improving it, scratching your ass.


Probably the worst use of it is in comforting someone in a bad situation. Just imagine telling some old skank lady at a bar that your wife left you and you just got fired. What else is she gonna say to you? It's perfect to just fill up some time, like saying, "Well, you know" or "Bob's your uncle."

Shit. I just realized this entire entry reads like an Andy Rooney segment. Oh well,"It is what it is." Fart

Easy As Joel Falling Off a Log Onto a Dick

(pictured above, A banner for the Sims pretty much gets it right, except for the hair color. Plus she's not holding a whoopie cushion)

Let's punch the EADJ Mail Sack to assert our power over it!

(The following was a CHI ALL email sent by Jessica Foster the other day)

------ Forwarded Message
From: Jessica Foster
Date: Tue, 6 Nov 2007 13:34:49 -0600
To: #CHI_ALL <#CHI_ALL@C-K.com>
Conversation: Missing Fake Chicken
Subject: Missing Fake Chicken

Hello!
I brought an unopened box of MorningStar Veggie Chick Patties to work to EAT all week. They are MIA. If anyone has any leads regarding this tragedy please let me know.

Thanks,
Very Hungry Art Director

"Yes I sent this to chi all," Jessica writes, "Yes I did."

(The following was a response sent by Pat Nathan to Jessica)

From: Pat Nathan
Date: Tue, 6 Nov 2007 14:04:14 -0600
To: Jessica Foster
Conversation: Missing Fake Chicken
Subject: RE: Missing Fake Chicken

I didn't take your veggie patties.

pn

Hellooooo Mobius!

This EADJ reporter was lucky to have spotted another Mobius Award outside of the CK reception area. This was at the Henry Ford Museum in Detroit, Michigan!


And not only that, but 2 other random awards were recognized nearby! Like what the hell are these things?!


When she heard the news, Jessica checked the CK reception area in a panic to make sure the Henry Ford Museum hadn't somehow pinched the trophies from Cramer-Krasselt. Yep, they're still there! Whew!


BONUS FUN FACT: The average Mobius award weighs .76 lbs! That's 1/4 the weight of Jessica!

Jessica Flashes Her Wedding Tips.

This might be the worst executed one yet.

Okay, raise your hand if you haven't seen him yet.

(pictured above, Jessica's submission of the Shorter Fatter Scott Peterson standing with an anatomically correct version of herself)

Jessica joins the ranks of the few at the bottom of this page.

Wedding Tips with Jessica Foster

Jessica dispenses some nuptial words of advice while tucking her hands in her sleeves because she doesn't have enough body fat to keep herself warm.

Meanwhile, in the Creative Annex,

Two unbelievable fatties fight over a huge hamhock before heading to Navy Pier for fried dough and biscuits 'n gravy.

One man's banana sling is Joel's feedbag

(The following is an excerpt from a Japanese instructional manual for Joel)

INSTLUCTION AND CARE FOR YOUR HOUSEHOLD JOEL PLEASE:


1) Keep the Joel in place of dryness!

2) To wake Joel, hold thumbs near throte and throttle until wake!

3) Joel eats lots of different variety dick. Feed liberally with lots!

4) Happy Joel smile and break-dance. Sad Joel mope with sullenness.

5) Penhouse Pet Varentina Vaughn


(pictured above, Jessica's ass, as seen via JessicaFostervision)