Episode Summaries From This Week's Chicago Whatevers

Chicago P.D.

• Sergeant Wilson gives up on learning origami

• Wallace and Bronchi respond to gunshots near the South Loop, don't see anything and find a vendor that sells real char-dogs!

• Inspector Lacey's relationship with her therapist prompts her to get another therapist.

Chicago Med

• Garcia quits as administrator so she can run for state senate. Nobody notices.

• Dr. Kilby and Dr. Schuul argue over whether the #21 scalpel should go to the left or right of the prep table.

• Somebody's cute dog is let loose on the fourth floor and causes a literal riot.

Chicago Fire

• Battalion Chief Nimitz wonders where that delicious smell of oysters is coming from.

• Fire Chief Drummond and Hannah have a long overdue heart-to-heart talk while sliding down the pole.

• Lieutenant Hoffs accidentally backs the fire engine into a hydrant and everyone gets to cool off in slow motion.

UAG

The ProofrEADJer: Mid-June Edition

Smecial Dreams Entry

♪ Deck The Hall With Racist Appliances ♫

I actually can't believe this segment has had so many legs.

We Meet Again, JOTB

So this morning I was downloading soundtracks from one of my favorite illegal websites, when I happened upon a title that still makes me cringe:



Both of you who follow EADJ on a regular basis might remember a movie with this title was reviewed in a 2009 Crappinema and has so far been considered the very worst movie of all the shitty movies we've reviewed.

But what's different here on this soundtrack is that it's an animated children's movie. And it's in 3-D!



The YouTube page for the trailer bills "Jock Of The Bushveld" as "South Africa's first 3-D Movie!" Wow! That's like Iceland's first bubble tea shop! Or Jamaica's first mortgage finance consulting firm! Where do I queue up?

Regardless of the fact that it's animated or has fancy depth, I'm going to assume this will be as excruciatingly boring as the live action movie I was subject to in 2009. A prospector befriends a dog. The dog dies. 120 min.

There is no way you can make that story last two hours and be enjoyable. And that includes throwing footage of Playboy Playmate Sara Jean Underwood eating penis-shaped popsicles in a cowgirl/cheerleader outfit made of cellophane. Besides, how appropriate for children would that be, really?

A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!!!!!

THANK YOU, BABY JESUS!!!!!!!

Bilbo Baggage

In every airport baggage claim area, I've noticed there's always one weird, plaid-patterned plastic bag that gets dumped out on the carousel. What the fuck?


What's in that stupid thing? Food? Laundry? Shitty electronics?


I don't even know where to buy one of those bags. Dollar stores? Talbots? (Yeah, Talbot's stores, that's a burn.) Still, the people who travel with those things fascinate me.


Now what's in the bucket? Hey! You with that stupid bag, come back! Aww man, this is the worst EADJ entry ever!

Incident at Barnes & Noble

A kid who sucks at Calculus...


...leaves his table without cleaning a lick...


...much to the chagrin of Tom.