More Missed Connections From A Dog Park

The following Missed Connections were posted by dogs that visited the Bucks County Core Creek Dog Park in Langhorne, PA:

You: the confused Setter licking where your balls used to be

Me: the demure Afghan pretending not to notice you notice me

When our eyes connected, it was like magic. I could feel a whole world of possibility between us up until my master told me it was time to go. I had pooped already anyway!

You: the Jack Russell mix with the smell of cat on you

Me: the shedding (sorry!) Samoyed

I was panting not only because I was hot but because YOU WERE. Where'd you get that physique? It wasn't from running around this cramped, 1/4 acre dog run. Look me up!

You: the mutt with the ball

Me: the purebred Rottweiler with BALLS

You looked like you were into playing games. I am, too. I like fetch, tag, and burying my bone, IF you catch my meaning! Wink wink. But seriously, let's fuck.

Let's punch the EADJ Mail Sack to assert our power over it!

(The following was a CHI ALL email sent by Jessica Foster the other day)

------ Forwarded Message
From: Jessica Foster
Date: Tue, 6 Nov 2007 13:34:49 -0600
To: #CHI_ALL <#CHI_ALL@C-K.com>
Conversation: Missing Fake Chicken
Subject: Missing Fake Chicken

Hello!
I brought an unopened box of MorningStar Veggie Chick Patties to work to EAT all week. They are MIA. If anyone has any leads regarding this tragedy please let me know.

Thanks,
Very Hungry Art Director

"Yes I sent this to chi all," Jessica writes, "Yes I did."

(The following was a response sent by Pat Nathan to Jessica)

From: Pat Nathan
Date: Tue, 6 Nov 2007 14:04:14 -0600
To: Jessica Foster
Conversation: Missing Fake Chicken
Subject: RE: Missing Fake Chicken

I didn't take your veggie patties.

pn

Now is the time for all good Joels to eat dick.

The untimely death of Tianna has sent shockwaves through the entertainment industry. The English Angora rabbit, bred by Betty Chu and most known for her All Breed Best In Show win in 2003, was found unconscious in her cage yesterday afternoon and died in hospital later that night. Joel gave a heartfelt eulogy at a memorial service at Hubbel's Pet Store on Sunset Blvd. Through tears, he recounted how Tianna gave him his big break and nurtured him into the big dick-eater that he is today.

"I can't begin to tell you how much Tianna has meant to me. Every dick I eat reminds me of her."

Joel then had to be helped away from the podium because he had almost fainted.

"This would make a great plotline for a screenplay I could write if anybody's interested..." Joel said before collapsing.

The medical examiner now performing an autopsy on the body of Tianna says he hopes to release preliminary information later today. The pet and former County Fair winner died Thursday at the age of 4. Joe Nudelman (don't laugh) has also been asked to speak at her funeral.