Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To HBO Max This Month

 Every so often, HBO Max renews or cancels shows or movies based on viewer preferences. Here now are all the shows that will be added to the streaming service this month:

• Prescription Road Show: How Much Is This Stolen Medicine Worth?

• Documentary: SKORTS: A Cultural Touchstone

• Fresh Prince From Bel Air Reboot Reboot

• Paul Giamatti Does Dramatic Readings of Safe Meat Handling Brochures

Here are the shows and movies that HBO Max is removing from their lineup this month:

• Lord of the Rings: Fellowship Of the No Wait It's a Game of Thrones Show

• Alternative Sopranos Series Where Tony Runs a Successful Dry Cleaners Business

• Succession/Billions Crossover Event

• Problematic Looney Tunes Cartoons From Back When They Were Funny

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

The Target Ghetto Aisle.

If you've ever entered a Target, you may have noticed a bizarre section that offers merchandise for mere pennies. The problem is, 100% of the stuff on these shelves is unadulterated crap. I've dubbed this dubious section the Target Ghetto Aisle: it's cheap as ass, crowded as ass, and you can sometimes find meth hidden in places.

And the care that they put into arranging the merchandise! How do they keep such VALUES ORGANIZED LIKE THIS?!! HOW, JESUS?

Personally, I don't remember purchasing anything from these low-rent aisles. Well, maybe an emery board and a bedazzled Hello Kitty baton.

FUN FACT: Every year, over 3800 teens disappear when visiting the Target Ghetto Aisle and are never heard from again!

Next time you're at Target, take a minute to visit the Target Ghetto Aisle. You'll either catch some really great bargains or meningitis. And tell 'em EADJ sent ya!

EADJ: The Editorial Quality Is Definitely Slipping

 

Yesterday we posted what we thought was an entry that we had forgotten to post, and it turns out we had already posted the damn thing as a makeup post for forgetting to post anything for the first time in the history of EADJ.

Words cannot describe how embarrassed the editorial staff is at this double gaffe, and we assure both of you reading that are working hard to provide you with the best, freshest, most non-redundant content on the blogosphere.

Seacrest out.

Meet Lucy, the World's Largest Elephant Who Hates You

Behold Lucy. Lucy is the World's Largest Concrete Elephant-Shaped Tourist Trap located in beautiful Margate, New Jersey. And Lucy hates you all.


Built in a shitty, unstable location? Check. Used as a hotel for drunk guido assholes? Check. Inexplicable historical status to turn it into a begrudging eyesore landmark? Check. Lucy hates you all.


*1 Who hates you

*2 A smaller town of assholes that's at least removed from a town full of way bigger assholes

*3 The U.S. Department of the Interior approved my landmark status as a joke. But who's laughing now, G-men? Fuckers.

*4 Sure, bring the little licebags and tell them it's Disneyland. I actually revel in their disappointment.


*5 But Lucy wishes a painful death upon you and all your family.

*6 From up here, you can see the roads that lead you out of this godforsaken shithole.

*7 We fenced it up because we figured parents who consider me actual entertainment aren't really good at parenting to begin with.

*8 A lot of older people have turned their ankles on my spiral staircase. One guy had a stroke. That made my day.

*9 Note number 8. That guy did die after two months.

*10 WTF. Friggin' teachers bring their students to me as if I'm some kind of anatomically correct model. Pretty useless schools in Margate, NJ anyway. They're all going to end up working at the casino in Atlantic City. Truth hurts.


*11 Believe it or not, several guys have proposed in my "howdah." The women all said "no," as they should. Good for you, gals for having taste.

*12 They sealed up the eyes in 1987 when people kept pissing out onto my trunk.

*13 I hear that pun from Jimmy, the tour guide about 400 times a day. I despise him, too.

*14 The "museum" is actually four framed photos of me in better days, plus a postcard rack. Hannah behind the counter is getting a divorce.


*15 The change in schedule depends on if it rained the night before. I leak and flood like a motherfucker, but at least it rinses out the vomit stains.


*16 Coupon not good at this location. Fuck you!

Best Ad Ever. Of the Week.

Keys to awesomeness:

1) Bizarre use of Myriad Pro (why is prostate cancer upside down?)

2) Some sort of weird play on words for "Gentlemen prefer blondes?!?!"

3) Misusing the verb tense for "gentleman."

Apparently Cola is editing again.

***UPDATE: For a riveting, hypnotic look at the entire campaign in Quicktime form, click here.

Jessica Flashes Her Wedding Tips.

This might be the worst executed one yet.